Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to reduce filler words like 'uh' and 'umm' to make your speech more fluent and natural. Also, use more precise vocabulary and structure your answer clearly with a topic sentence and supporting details using linking words.

例: I usually eat snacks in the evening because that's when I engage in my hobbies. For example, having a small snack while reading books or painting makes the experience more enjoyable.

提案: Focus on clearer sentence structure and avoid repetition. Use linking words like 'however' or 'but' to connect ideas smoothly. Also, be careful with grammar and word choice to improve clarity.

例: In my opinion, eating snacks in limited amounts can be healthy; however, consuming large quantities may negatively affect our health. Therefore, I prefer to eat only a small amount while doing my hobbies.

提案: Try to organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Avoid filler words and correct grammar mistakes. Use linking words like 'for example' and 'but' appropriately to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I often ate snacks when I was young, especially chocolates. For example, my grandmother used to buy me chocolates and cake after school, which negatively affected my health. However, once I became aware of this, I stopped eating them.

提案: Make your answer more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. Use clear and complete sentences with appropriate vocabulary. Also, finish your thoughts fully to avoid confusion.

例: I prefer eating chocolates because I like them more than vanilla snacks. My grandmother used to buy me chocolates after school, but I gradually stopped eating them because they had a negative effect on my health.

× I usually consume snacks, uh, during evening because umm umm, that's the time I umm, I will be doing my hobbies.

✓ I usually consume snacks, uh, during the evening because umm umm, that's the time I umm, I am doing my hobbies.

The use of 'will be doing' suggests future tense, but the context is about a habitual action in the present, so present continuous 'am doing' is more appropriate.

× I usually consume snacks, uh, during evening because umm umm, that's the time I umm, I will be doing my hobbies.

✓ I usually consume snacks, uh, during the evening because umm umm, that's the time I umm, I will be doing my hobbies.

The phrase 'during evening' is incorrect; 'evening' as a time of day requires the definite article 'the' to be grammatically correct.

× Having umm umm, edible uh, next to you while uh, reading books or umm uh, painting is a very good combination.

✓ Having umm umm, edible uh, next to me while uh, reading books or umm uh, painting is a very good combination.

The pronoun 'you' is incorrect here because the speaker is referring to their own experience, so 'me' should be used.

× In my opinion, a consuming snacks, umm umm very in a limited amount uh, is her can be healthy uh, but umm, consuming them in umm uh, a large amount can also be a negative uh umm, effect on our uh, health.

✓ In my opinion, consuming snacks, umm umm very in a limited amount uh, can be healthy uh, but umm, consuming them in umm uh, a large amount can also have a negative uh umm, effect on our uh, health.

The phrase 'a consuming snacks' is incorrect; 'consuming snacks' without 'a' is correct. Also, 'is her can be healthy' is incorrect; 'can be healthy' is the correct modal verb usage. Additionally, 'can also be a negative effect' should be 'can also have a negative effect' for correct collocation.

× So I prefer to eat only umm uh, limited amount during my while I do my hobbies.

✓ So I prefer to eat only umm uh, a limited amount while I do my hobbies.

The phrase 'limited amount' needs the article 'a' before it. Also, 'during my while I do my hobbies' is incorrect; 'while I do my hobbies' is sufficient and correct.

× Yes, I did often eat snacks when I was hung, especially chocolates, for example, umm, when I was umm, umm, when I came uh, back from my school, my grandmother always used to, uh, buy me uh, chocolates and cake, which uh, was a umm, negative, which had a negative effect on my health back then.

✓ Yes, I did often eat snacks when I was young, especially chocolates. For example, umm, when I was umm, umm, when I came uh, back from my school, my grandmother always used to, uh, buy me uh, chocolates and cake, which uh, had a umm, negative effect on my health back then.

The word 'hung' is a typo and should be 'young'. Also, 'which uh, was a umm, negative, which had a negative effect' is redundant and awkward; it is better to say 'which had a negative effect'.

× But uh, once I got to know the these things, I uh, stopped doing it.

✓ But uh, once I got to know these things, I uh, stopped doing it.

The phrase 'the these things' is incorrect; 'these things' is correct without 'the'. The past tense 'got to know' and 'stopped' are correctly used here.

× I'd always prefer, uh, eating chocolates because, uh, umm, I am uh, more of a chocolate, umm, uh, girl than a vanilla girl.

✓ I'd always prefer, uh, eating chocolates because, uh, umm, I am uh, more of a chocolate, umm, uh, girl than a vanilla girl.

No grammatical error detected in this sentence related to pronouns or other listed grammar problems.

× So I always used to have, especially my grandmother used to buy me chocolates when I, when I come to home, uh, from my, umm, uh, school.

✓ So I always used to have, especially my grandmother used to buy me chocolates when I, when I came home, uh, from my, umm, uh, school.

The verb 'come' should be in past tense 'came' to match the past habitual action indicated by 'used to'.

× But I, you uh, gradually stopped eating it as it played a very, uh, negative effect on.

✓ But I, you uh, gradually stopped eating it as it had a very, uh, negative effect on me.

The phrase 'played a very negative effect on' is incorrect; the correct collocation is 'had a very negative effect on'. Also, the sentence is incomplete without specifying the object of the effect, so 'on me' is added.