Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammar errors; use a clear topic sentence, one or two supporting details with linking words, and avoid repetition (e.g. 'cinemas' and 'watching cinemas'). Also use singular/plural consistently and natural collocations (e.g. 'a bag of popcorn' or 'popcorn').

例: I rarely eat snacks now, except on special occasions such as cinema visits or sports events. For example, I usually buy popcorn because it's easy to eat while watching and comes in many flavors.

提案: Clarify contrasting ideas and avoid unsupported claims. Use linking words for contrast (e.g. 'however') and give brief reasons or evidence for assertions (e.g. dark chocolate vs. sugary snacks). Keep sentences concise and avoid repeating 'I think'.

例: Generally, I believe many snacks are unhealthy because they are high in sugar and fat. However, in moderation, dark chocolate can be beneficial since it contains antioxidants from cocoa.

提案: Good structure and clear reason. Improve by using more natural phrasing ('primary school'→'elementary school' if appropriate) and one linking word. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and avoid redundancy like 'condition and health'.

例: I sometimes ate potato chips and chocolate when I was in elementary school because I loved their smell and taste. But when I started junior high and joined the baseball team, I stopped eating them to take better care of my health.

提案: Be specific about the type of chocolate and avoid broad health claims. Use a clear topic sentence and add a specific reason or example for stress relief. Limit to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like 'therefore' or 'so'.

例: Lately I prefer chocolate, especially dark chocolate, because it helps me relax. Therefore, after school I usually eat a small piece to relieve stress.

× I don't usually eat snacks except on special occasions like when I go to cinemas or sport events.

✓ I don't usually eat snacks except on special occasions like when I go to the cinema or sporting events.

Use of articles and noun forms with institutions and events: 'cinema' as a general place often takes the singular with 'the' when referring to going to watch films; 'sport events' is incorrect collocation — use 'sporting events' or 'sports events'. Use 'the cinema' or 'cinemas' with appropriate article; here 'the cinema' sounds natural. Suggestion: say 'the cinema' or 'cinemas' consistently and use 'sporting events' for events related to sports.

× So when I attend those events I usually have a popcorn because it is easy to hold and eat for a long time while watching games and cinemas and there are many flavors.

✓ So when I attend those events I usually have popcorn because it is easy to hold and eat for a long time while watching games and films and there are many flavors.

'A popcorn' is incorrect because 'popcorn' is an uncountable noun when referring to the food in general; do not use the indefinite article. Also 'cinemas' is awkward here — use 'films' or 'movies' when referring to what you watch. Suggestion: use uncountable form 'popcorn' and 'films' or 'movies' for clarity.

× I think eating too many snacks is generally unhealthy because they contain a lot of sugar and fat, so I think you should avoid them if you can.

✓ I think eating too many snacks is generally unhealthy because they contain a lot of sugar and fat, so you should avoid them if you can.

Redundant use of 'I think' makes sentence wordy and weakens modal advice. Grammatically it's not wrong, but removing the extra 'I think' improves clarity and flow. Suggestion: avoid repeating 'I think' in the same sentence when giving advice; use one opinion marker or present the advice directly with 'you should'.

× However, I think chocolate is very good for improving your health because it contains a lot of cacao.

✓ However, I think chocolate is very good for your health because it contains a lot of cacao.

Use of preposition 'for improving your health' is wordy and slightly awkward; 'good for your health' is the natural collocation. Suggestion: use 'good for your health' or 'helps improve your health' depending on emphasis.

× When I was in primary school, I sometimes ate potato chips and chocolate because I loved their smell and flavor.

✓ When I was in primary school, I sometimes ate potato chips and chocolate because I loved their smell and flavor.

Sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed. Explanation: Past tense 'was' and 'ate' correctly match the time frame; 'loved' correctly expresses past preference.

× However, after entering a junior high, I stopped eating them completely because I joined the baseball team, so I had to take care of my condition and health.

✓ However, after entering junior high, I stopped eating them completely because I joined the baseball team, so I had to take care of my condition and my health.

'A junior high' is acceptable in some dialects but 'junior high' without article is more natural in this context. Also 'condition and health' is slightly awkward; 'my condition and my health' clarifies ownership. Suggestion: use 'junior high' and repeat 'my' or rephrase as 'take care of my health and fitness'.

× As I've grown older, I've come to like eating chocolate more than when I was a child because it is very good for improving my health and well-being.

✓ As I've grown older, I've come to like eating chocolate more than I did when I was a child because it is very good for my health and well-being.

Comparison requires a reference clause: 'more than when I was a child' is acceptable but clearer is 'more than I did when I was a child' to show the comparison of liking. Also 'good for improving my health' is wordy; 'good for my health' is preferred. Suggestion: include the auxiliary 'did' for clear comparison and use 'good for my health'.

× So after finishing school I usually have a piece of chocolate to relieve my stress.

✓ So after finishing school I usually have a piece of chocolate to relieve my stress.

Sentence is acceptable and correctly uses present simple for habitual action. No grammatical change needed. Explanation: 'usually have' correctly expresses a habitual present action following school.