Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small mistakes (e.g., 'scrapes' -> 'crisps' or 'chips'). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail and a linking word. Avoid repeating similar ideas.

例: I usually eat snacks while watching TV, especially football matches. For example, my friend and I often prepare cola and crisps when we watch a game, which makes the evening feel more relaxed and sociable.

提案: Clarify the final sentence and link ideas smoothly. Use a clear topic sentence, then two concise supporting points with linking words (however, for example). Correct awkward phrasing like 'choose food or not' to 'choose whether to snack' or similar.

例: It depends: healthy snacks in moderation can be beneficial. For example, yogurt and nuts provide energy and nutrients; however, eating too much junk food can cause weight gain, so I try to choose whether to snack carefully when I'm hungry between meals.

提案: Good concise structure; improve cohesion with a linking word and a slightly richer example. Replace 'that's how I tasted them' with clearer phrasing like 'that's how I tried them.'

例: Not really — I only ate snacks occasionally as a child because my parents preferred homemade food and I usually played with friends after school. However, sometimes my friends shared sweets and chips with me, so I tried those then.

提案: Fix grammar and word order errors and be specific about examples. Use one clear topic sentence, two concise supporting details with linking words, and correct phrasing like 'raspberry yogurt' or 'a bowl of yogurt with raspberries.'

例: I prefer healthy snacks like yogurt, nuts and fruit because they help me avoid gaining weight. For example, raspberry yogurt or a handful of nuts are low in fat and keep me feeling full between meals.

× I usually eat snacks when I'm watching something, especially sports.

✓ I usually eat snacks while I'm watching something, especially sports.

The original sentence is understandable but 'when' is not the best connective for ongoing actions; 'while' is more appropriate to indicate simultaneous actions. Use 'while' to show two actions happening at the same time.

× For example, my friend and I always prepare some cola and scrapes when we watch a football match together because it makes the evening more relaxed and sociable.

✓ For example, my friend and I always prepare some cola and snacks when we watch a football match together because it makes the evening more relaxed and sociable.

The word 'scrapes' is a typographical error. The intended noun is 'snacks' (plural). Correcting the word fixes the meaning. Check spelling to avoid incorrect words.

× Eating healthy snacks in moderation like yogurt or nuts can give you energy between meals and provide important nutrients.

✓ Eating healthy snacks in moderation, such as yogurt or nuts, can give you energy between meals and provide important nutrients.

This sentence needs a clearer structure: 'such as' or 'like' with commas improves clarity when giving examples. Use commas to set off the example phrase for correct sentence rhythm and readability.

× I usually try to choose food or not when I'm hungry between meals.

✓ I usually try to choose whether to eat or not when I'm hungry between meals.

The original lacks the conjunction 'whether' needed when presenting two alternatives ('eat' or 'not'). Adding 'whether to eat or not' clarifies the choice and corrects the sentence structure.

× Sometimes they shared their sweets and chips with me, so that's how I tasted them.

✓ Sometimes they shared their sweets and chips with me, so that's how I tasted them for the first time.

The verb 'tasted' is grammatically fine, but the sentence is slightly awkward without a time reference. Adding 'for the first time' clarifies meaning. If the intent was 'I tried them' a more natural phrasing is 'that's how I first tried them.'

× I prefer healthy snacks such as yogurt, nuts and fruits because I think they help me avoid gaining weight.

✓ I prefer healthy snacks such as yogurt, nuts, and fruit because I think they help me avoid gaining weight.

Use 'fruit' as an uncountable noun in this context rather than the plural 'fruits.' Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity in a list (Oxford comma is optional but improves readability).

× They're low in fat and keep me feeling full between meals.

✓ They are low in fat and keep me feeling full between meals.

Contraction 'They're' is acceptable in speech, but in formal corrected text expand to 'They are.' No grammatical error; this suggestion standardizes register.

× For example, I often have great yogurt raspberries as an afternoon.

✓ For example, I often have a great yogurt with raspberries in the afternoon.

The original is ungrammatical: missing article 'a', incorrect word order ('yogurt raspberries'), and wrong preposition 'as' for time. The corrected version uses 'a great yogurt with raspberries' and 'in the afternoon' for correct noun phrase and time expression.