Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), correct grammar (e.g. 'because it gives me a lot of taste and pleasure' is odd). Use one or two supporting details and a linking word. For example, state when, what you usually eat, and why in two to three sentences.

例: I usually have snacks in the evening. For example, I often eat biscuits and ice cream because they help me relax after dinner and taste sweet, which I enjoy.

提案: Answer directly and accurately. Avoid contradictions (saying 'healthy' without justification) and fix grammar (e.g. 'it's healthy' not 'it's a healthy'). Give a reason and an example using linking words like 'because' or 'however' if mentioning exceptions.

例: I think snacking can be healthy if you choose nutritious foods. For instance, I snack on fruit or yogurt when I'm hungry because they give me energy without too much sugar.

提案: Be clearer and avoid repetition. Use past tense consistently and provide a brief reason and one example. Use a linking word like 'because' or 'so' to connect reason to result.

例: To be honest, I didn’t eat snacks often when I was young because I was a selective eater. For example, I only ate snacks occasionally, usually when visiting relatives who offered sweets.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence listing your favourites, then add a specific detail about when or why you choose them. Remove fillers and correct grammar (e.g. 'it depends on my mood').

例: I like sweet snacks, especially ice cream and candy. It depends on my mood: I usually choose ice cream when I want something cold and comforting, but I might eat potato chips if I want something salty.

× I love to eat uh, biscuits and also ice cream because it give me a too much test and sense of pleasure.

✓ I love to eat biscuits and ice cream because they give me a lot of taste and a sense of pleasure.

Subject-verb agreement and plural pronoun: 'biscuits and ice cream' is a plural/compound subject, so use 'give' not 'giveS'. Word choice and quantifier: 'a too much test' is incorrect; use 'a lot of taste' or simply 'a lot of enjoyment'. Also add 'a' before 'sense of pleasure' and remove filler words. ID:27

× Obviously it's a healthy, uh, to eat snacks because uh, I uh, personally prefer to eat snacks when I'm hungry.

✓ Obviously it's healthy to eat snacks because I personally prefer to eat when I'm hungry.

Article error and adjective use: 'a healthy' is incorrect because 'healthy' is an adjective describing an action; use 'healthy' without 'a'. Redundancy: remove repeated 'uh' and 'eat snacks' repetition; 'prefer to eat when I'm hungry' is clearer. ID:22

× So it's make me energetic and give me a plenty of energy.

✓ So it makes me energetic and gives me plenty of energy.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it' requires third person singular verbs 'makes' and 'gives'. Article/quantifier: 'a plenty of' is incorrect; use 'plenty of' without 'a'. ID:27

× I didn't uh, uh, frequently eat a snack when I was, uh, young.

✓ I didn't frequently eat snacks when I was young.

Past tense negative is fine but phrasing: use plural 'snacks' or 'a snack' consistently. 'Frequently eat a snack' is awkward; 'frequently eat snacks' is natural. Remove filler 'uh'. ID:5

× Uh, I was a selective eater.

✓ I was a picky eater.

Word choice: 'selective eater' is understandable but 'picky eater' is the more natural collocation. Tense is past, which matches context. ID:26

× Uh, so that's why I occasionally eat snacks when I was young.

✓ So that's why I occasionally ate snacks when I was young.

Tense inconsistency: 'occasionally eat' is present tense while 'when I was young' requires past tense 'ate'. Change verb to past tense for consistency. ID:6

× Uh, before I mentioned I like to eat, uh, ice cream and also a sweets and sometimes I eat uh, like potatoes.

✓ As I mentioned before, I like to eat ice cream and sweets, and sometimes I eat potatoes.

Article error: 'a sweets' is incorrect; 'sweets' is plural so no 'a'. Word order: 'As I mentioned before' is more natural than 'before I mentioned'. Remove fillers and unnecessary 'like'. ID:22

× So it's depend on my mood.

✓ So it depends on my mood.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it' requires 'depends' (third person singular). Word order: 'depends on my mood' is correct; remove contraction 'it's' meaning 'it is depends' which is ungrammatical. ID:27

× So most, mostly I eat ice cream and sweets.

✓ Mostly, I eat ice cream and sweets.

Redundancy: 'most, mostly' is repetitive. Use a single adverb 'Mostly' at the sentence start or 'I mostly eat...'. Place adverb before the verb 'eat' for natural rhythm. ID:20