Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to use correct grammar and clearer sentence structure. Avoid redundancy and use linking words to connect ideas logically. For example, say 'It actually depends on the work. If I get frustrated, I am not patient, but I try to motivate myself because being patient helps me complete the work perfectly.'

例: It actually depends on the work. If I get frustrated, I am not patient, but I try to motivate myself because being patient helps me complete the work perfectly.

提案: Use clearer sentence structure and linking words to explain your feelings. For example, say 'I feel impatient when I try to do a task for several days but keep failing. For example, I took a writing test and got a 5 band score, which made me very disappointed and lose hope.'

例: I feel impatient when I try to do a task for several days but keep failing. For example, I took a writing test and got a 5 band score, which made me very disappointed and lose hope.

提案: Avoid filler words and unclear phrases. Use linking words to connect ideas. For example, say 'Sometimes I feel exhausted because I am not very patient. However, I try to motivate myself to stay focused because patient work leads to success.'

例: Sometimes I feel exhausted because I am not very patient. However, I try to motivate myself to stay focused because patient work leads to success.

提案: Use correct grammar and clearer vocabulary. For example, say 'Currently, I am a student, so sometimes classes make me exhausted and I lose patience. However, I try to motivate myself and stay focused.'

例: Currently, I am a student, so sometimes classes make me exhausted and I lose patience. However, I try to motivate myself and stay focused.

提案: Use clearer and more natural expressions. For example, say 'Yes, I am more patient now. When I was a child, I used to get upset easily if I did not get what I wanted, and I was very emotional. But now, I try to motivate myself to handle any situation calmly.'

例: Yes, I am more patient now. When I was a child, I used to get upset easily if I did not get what I wanted, and I was very emotional. But now, I try to motivate myself to handle any situation calmly.

× It's actually depends on work.

✓ It actually depends on work.

The modal verb 'It's' (It is) is incorrectly used here. The correct form is 'It depends' without 'is' because 'depends' is the main verb. So, 'It actually depends on work.' is correct.

× If I got frustrated then I am not patiently do that work,

✓ If I get frustrated then I do not do that work patiently,

The sentence mixes past tense 'got' with present tense 'am'. The correct conditional form uses present tense 'get' for the condition and present tense for the result. Also, 'patiently do' is incorrect; it should be 'do ... patiently'.

× I am not patiently do that work,

✓ I do not do that work patiently,

'Patiently' is an adverb and should modify the verb 'do'. The correct word order is 'do that work patiently' not 'patiently do that work'.

× but I try to climb myself for anything I done on because patients full work makes that work perfectly happen.

✓ but I try to motivate myself for anything I have done because patient work makes that work happen perfectly.

'Climb myself' is incorrect; the correct reflexive verb is 'motivate myself'. 'I done on' is incorrect; it should be 'I have done'. 'Patients full work' is incorrect; it should be 'patient work'.

× If I try to do a work for a few days and it constantly fall,

✓ If I try to do work for a few days and it constantly fails,

'Do a work' is incorrect; 'work' is uncountable here, so no article 'a' is needed. 'It constantly fall' is incorrect; the verb should agree with singular subject 'it' as 'fails'.

× and it constantly fall,

✓ and it constantly falls,

The verb 'fall' must agree with the singular subject 'it', so it should be 'falls'.

× As example I tried to do a writing test but I got 5 bands score and it's make me feel so disappointed at the end so I just lost all hope.

✓ For example, I tried to do a writing test but I got a 5 band score and it made me feel so disappointed at the end so I just lost all hope.

'As example' should be 'For example'. '5 bands score' should be 'a 5 band score'. 'It's make' is incorrect; past tense 'made' is needed to match 'got' and past context.

× Sometimes I feel exhausted, uh, become because I'm not a patient person,

✓ Sometimes I feel exhausted because I'm not a patient person,

'Become' is incorrectly used here and unnecessary. The sentence should be simplified to 'Sometimes I feel exhausted because I'm not a patient person'.

× but I try to motivate myself to clamp down during the work process because, uh, a pitchful, a patient full work can make it through the success.

✓ but I try to motivate myself to calm down during the work process because a peaceful, patient work can lead to success.

'Clamp down' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'calm down'. 'Pitchful, a patient full work' is incorrect; it should be 'peaceful, patient work'. 'Make it through the success' is awkward; 'lead to success' is better.

× Right now I am not doing a job, I am a student so sometimes our classes can make me a exhausted and I lost my patience but I try to climb myself and be more more focusful.

✓ Right now I am not working, I am a student so sometimes our classes make me exhausted and I lose my patience but I try to motivate myself and be more focused.

'Make me a exhausted' is incorrect; it should be 'make me exhausted'. 'I lost' should be present tense 'I lose' to match 'sometimes'. 'Climb myself' is incorrect; 'motivate myself' is correct. 'More more focusful' is incorrect; 'more focused' is correct.

× Yeah, I am more patient right now because in childhood if I don't get something in, I literally got traumatized for that thing and if someone scrolled me, I was very emotional child at that time.

✓ Yeah, I am more patient right now because in childhood if I didn't get something, I literally got traumatized by that and if someone scolded me, I was a very emotional child at that time.

'If I don't get' should be past tense 'if I didn't get' to match past context. 'Got traumatized for that thing' should be 'got traumatized by that'. 'Scrolled me' is incorrect; it should be 'scolded me'. 'Very emotional child' needs article 'a'.

× But right now I try to climb myself for anything happen in my life.

✓ But right now I try to motivate myself for anything that happens in my life.

'Climb myself' is incorrect; 'motivate myself' is correct. 'Anything happen' should be 'anything that happens' to be grammatically correct.