Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and grammatically correct. Avoid redundancy and use linking words to improve coherence. For example, start with a clear topic sentence and then add supporting details with appropriate linking words.

例: Yes, I consider myself a patient person because I can wait calmly for tasks to be completed. Moreover, I listen attentively when someone is speaking until they finish.

提案: Avoid filler words like 'umm' and incomplete sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas and be specific about situations that cause impatience. Also, complete your thoughts clearly.

例: I feel impatient when I have to wait in long queues, such as at hospitals or cinemas. However, I try my best to control my impatience in these situations.

提案: Improve sentence structure and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas logically. Be more specific about how long tasks affect you and what you plan to do to improve.

例: I feel overwhelmed when I have to work on a task for a long time because my attention span has decreased, possibly due to frequent social media use. Therefore, I am trying to develop more patience to focus better.

提案: Your answer is good but can be improved by using clearer linking words and more concise sentences. Also, avoid minor grammatical errors for better clarity.

例: Yes, my job as a dentist requires a lot of patience. For example, when restoring a tooth, I must carefully complete the procedure and carve the tooth's anatomy precisely.

提案: Work on sentence clarity and grammar. Use linking words to connect your ideas logically. Be specific about how social media affects your patience compared to childhood.

例: No, I am less patient now than when I was a child. This is because social media has reduced my attention span, making it harder to focus on one task for a long time.

× I am a person who is patient and I keeps waiting for the things that is to be completed by me or I will patiently listen to a person who is talking to me until he is completed.

✓ I am a person who is patient and I keep waiting for the things that are to be completed by me or I will patiently listen to a person who is talking to me until he is finished.

The verb 'keeps' should be 'keep' to agree with the subject 'I' (subject-verb agreement). Also, 'things that is' should be 'things that are' because 'things' is plural. 'He is completed' is incorrect; it should be 'he is finished' to correctly express the completion of the person's speech.

× like waiting for a long time in a certain institution, like in for a hospital or for buying a ticket in the cinema.

✓ like waiting for a long time in a certain institution, like in a hospital or when buying a ticket at the cinema.

The preposition 'in for a hospital' is incorrect; it should be 'in a hospital'. Also, 'for buying a ticket in the cinema' should be 'when buying a ticket at the cinema' to correctly express the action and location.

× But I will try my best to control my.

✓ But I will try my best to control myself.

The sentence is incomplete and missing the object 'myself' after 'control'. This is a sentence structure error; the reflexive pronoun 'myself' is needed here.

× Nowadays, my attention span is really reducing us.

✓ Nowadays, my attention span is really reducing.

The pronoun 'us' is incorrectly used here; the attention span is reducing (decreasing) itself, so 'us' is unnecessary and incorrect.

× I have to be patient till I complete my restoration and carve the anatomy of the tooth exactly the same way as it was before.

✓ I have to be patient until I complete my restoration and carve the anatomy of the tooth exactly the same way as it was before.

The preposition 'till' is informal; 'until' is more appropriate in formal speech or writing.

× I think I am not patient as today as I am a child because I already said that due to the social media, due to the reduced attention span, it's very difficult for me to patient and focus for a long time nowadays.

✓ I think I am not as patient today as I was when I was a child because, as I already said, due to social media and the reduced attention span, it's very difficult for me to be patient and focus for a long time nowadays.

The phrase 'not patient as today as I am a child' is incorrect; the correct comparative structure is 'not as patient today as I was when I was a child'. Also, 'to patient' should be 'to be patient' as 'patient' is an adjective here.

× So I keep on emerging in engaging in a variety of tasks.

✓ So I keep on engaging in a variety of tasks.

The phrase 'emerging in engaging' is incorrect and redundant. The correct phrase is 'keep on engaging in' to express continuous involvement.