Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and correct tense and article use. For example, say whether you are patient, then give one brief reason or exception using a linking word.

例: Yes, I consider myself a patient person. However, I can lose my temper occasionally when situations are stressful, such as unexpected delays. Overall, I try to stay calm and handle problems calmly.

提案: Organize your answer: give one or two specific causes and explain briefly using linking words. Use correct verb forms and avoid long rambling sentences. Be specific about situations and possible consequences.

例: I feel impatient when I am stuck in traffic because it wastes my time. Also, when friends arrive late to meetings, I get frustrated because it disrupts our plans and shows a lack of respect.

提案: Choose a clear emotion and give one or two specific examples with linking phrases. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use correct prepositions and concise phrasing.

例: I usually feel excited when I return to an activity after a long break. For example, I get enthusiastic about driving on a road trip or meeting friends after months apart because I enjoy the change and social interaction.

提案: Answer directly and give one concrete reason or example. Use correct sentence structure and avoid repetition. Mention how patience helps in your job and a brief result of being patient or impatient.

例: Yes, my job requires patience because I often deal with customers who need time to explain their problems. Being patient helps me resolve issues effectively and maintain good relationships with clients.

提案: Provide a clear comparison and a specific childhood example, then explain briefly why you have changed. Use correct past tense and avoid repeating the same idea.

例: Yes, I am more patient now. As a child I would cry if someone took my toys or I lost a game, but now I understand how to control my emotions and learn from setbacks, which helps me stay calm.

× Yes, I am. I am a very patient person, but sometimes I lost my patience because of some reasons. But uh, uh, I think I can a patient person.

✓ Yes, I am. I am a very patient person, but sometimes I lose my patience for some reasons. I think I can be a patient person.

The student used the past form 'lost' where the simple present 'lose' is required because they are describing a habitual or general tendency. Also 'can a patient person' is missing the verb 'be'. Use 'lose' for general habits and add 'be' after 'can'. Replace 'because of some reasons' with the more natural 'for some reasons' or 'for some reason'.

× Sometimes I feel a little bit at a traffic and sometimes when I I was in college or school and my friends are not come regularly so I feel impatient and I lost my temper.

✓ Sometimes I feel a little impatient in traffic, and when I was in college or school and my friends did not come regularly, I felt impatient and lost my temper.

Use the preposition 'in' with 'traffic' not 'at a traffic'. The sentence mixes present and past; here the student is describing past events so change verbs to past ('was', 'did not come', 'felt', 'lost'). Also remove the extra 'I' and make verb forms consistent.

× So that's the thing that's a very bad habit I think, but it's in me so I don't know what I want to do but.

✓ So that is a very bad habit, I think, and it is part of me, so I do not know what I should do about it.

The original is repetitive and incomplete. Improve sentence structure by removing redundancy ('that's the thing' and 'that's') and completing the thought with 'do about it'. Use 'should' for the idea of seeking advice or action. Avoid ending with an unfinished 'but'.

× I feel very excited when I have to do something after a long time, for example like driving a car and sometimes hang out with friends and sometimes going to on a trip like this.

✓ I feel very excited when I have to do something after a long time, for example driving a car, hanging out with friends, or going on a trip like this.

Maintain parallel verb forms after 'for example': use gerunds consistently ('driving', 'hanging', 'going'). Remove unnecessary words ('like' after 'for example' is redundant) and fix the preposition 'going on a trip'. This keeps tense and form consistent.

× I feel very excited and, and, and yes, I feel very excited and I I am in good mood.

✓ I feel very excited, and yes, I am in a good mood.

Remove repeated words ('and, and, and', double 'I') and add the article 'a' before 'good mood'. This corrects pronoun/word usage and article omission.

× Yes, say our job required to be patient because it's our responsibility to be patient because it's our job.

✓ Yes, our job requires us to be patient because it is our responsibility.

Use the present tense 'requires' for a general truth and include the correct object form 'requires us to be patient'. Remove redundant repetition. 'Required to be patient' is incorrect without a subject or modal; use active 'requires'.

× So I think if we are impatient at that time, it's our loss.

✓ So I think if we become impatient at that time, it is our loss.

Use 'become impatient' to express the change of state; 'are impatient at that time' is awkward. 'Become' fits the context of a conditional situation. Maintain simple present tense for general statements.

× So, uh, I think we are keeps our things in patience and, uh, and do our own job.

✓ So, I think we should keep our calm and do our jobs.

'Are keeps' is ungrammatical; use 'should keep' or 'keep' and a noun phrase like 'our calm' or 'be patient'. 'Do our own job' is better as 'do our jobs'. This corrects verb form and word choice.

× Yes, I am patient now because as a child I I was very impatient.

✓ Yes, I am more patient now because as a child I was very impatient.

Use 'more patient' to compare present with past. Remove extra 'I'. This corrects the missing comparative form.

× For example when someone stole my toys or when someone loses me at any game, I lose my patient and keep crying.

✓ For example, when someone stole my toys or when someone beat me in a game, I lost my patience and kept crying.

Use 'beat me' or 'defeated me' instead of 'loses me'. Use past tense consistently ('stole', 'lost', 'kept') since these are past events. 'Lose my patient' is wrong; use the noun 'patience'. Ensure pronoun consistency and correct noun form.

× So I think I am patient now at at that time I am very patient.

✓ So I think I am patient now, whereas at that time I was not patient.

The original repeats and contradicts itself. Use 'was not patient' to contrast past and present. Correct tense to past for 'that time' and avoid repetition.