Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetitive phrases like “according to me,” and limit to 2–3 supporting sentences with specific examples. Use linking words (for example, also) to make it coherent.

例: Yes, I consider myself a patient person. For example, when I drive or study I stay calm and focus on the task, which helps me handle delays or mistakes without getting upset.

提案: Clarify your main idea and avoid fillers and unclear phrases. Give one clear reason for impatience and a short specific example. Use linking words such as "for instance" or "because" to explain cause and effect.

例: I become impatient when I am running late. For instance, if I oversleep and am delayed, I feel frustrated by traffic or long red lights because I worry about being late.

提案: Give a direct opening sentence, then add a brief specific example and a linking word. Avoid unclear phrases and repetition. Mention any strategies you use to cope with boredom to show depth.

例: I generally don't mind doing tasks for a long time, but I can get bored if the activity is repetitive. For example, on long drives I feel tired of driving, so I take breaks or share driving with a friend to stay focused.

提案: Start with a direct statement about your own job, then explain with a specific reason and an example. Avoid generalizations and filler words; use linking words like "especially" and "for example" correctly.

例: Yes, my job does require patience. Especially in customer service, I must stay calm and listen carefully to complaints; for example, I often repeat customers' concerns and offer solutions to keep the interaction positive.

提案: Give a clear comparative sentence, then add a concise reason and a specific example from your life. Avoid vague phrases like "when you realize a lot of things"—state how experience changed you.

例: Yes, I am more patient now than when I was a child. As I gained life experience, I learned to manage stress better; for example, facing difficult projects at work taught me to stay calm and break tasks into smaller steps.

× I have a lot of patience in me while driving, studying, while work.

✓ I have a lot of patience while driving, studying, and at work.

The original mixes prepositions and phrases inconsistently. Use parallel prepositional phrases: 'while driving, studying' and 'at work' is the correct prepositional phrase for employment contexts. Keep the structure parallel to improve clarity.

× So according to I try to keep myself calm and steady while doing anything in my life.

✓ So, in my opinion, I try to keep myself calm and steady when doing anything in my life.

The phrase 'according to I' is incorrect; 'according to' requires an object (according to me/us). Use 'in my opinion' or 'according to me' followed by a comma. Also replace 'while' with 'when' for more natural usage in this context.

× Well, there may be some things that make me ambitious it, it's not coming in my mind, but uh, whatever I realized is that when I wake up later in my uh, life, like if I got late and waking up then everything would be mess.

✓ Well, there may be some things that make me impatient, but I can't think of them now. What I realize is that when I wake up late, everything becomes a mess.

The original has multiple issues: wrong adjective 'ambitious' instead of 'impatient,' awkward phrasing 'it's not coming in my mind,' incorrect tense and structure 'if I got late and waking up then everything would be mess.' This correction fixes word choice, simplifies structure, and uses correct tenses and articles ('a mess').

× I would be impatient for a red light for a *.

✓ I would be impatient at a red light.

The phrase 'impatient for a red light' is unnatural; use 'impatient at a red light' or 'impatient when stopped at a red light.' The trailing '*' seems extraneous and is removed.

× Well the things whatever I have to do for a long time doesn't bother me a lot, but sometime I feel bored after doing a same activity for a long time.

✓ Well, the things I have to do for a long time don't bother me much, but sometimes I feel bored after doing the same activity for a long time.

Problems: incorrect relative phrase 'the things whatever,' subject-verb agreement 'doesn't' should be 'don't' for plural 'things,' 'sometime' should be 'sometimes,' and 'a same activity' should be 'the same activity.' Corrections address agreement, determiners, and word forms.

× Such as if I'm travelling to somewhere then I will feel bored I I need another driver to drive car for me.

✓ For example, if I'm travelling somewhere, I will feel bored and I would like another driver to drive the car for me.

Use 'travelling somewhere' (not 'to somewhere'), add conjunction 'and' to join clauses, use 'would like' for preference, and include the article 'the' before 'car.' Also remove duplicated 'I.'

× Yes, according to me every job required a person to be patient for any kind of mess and umm especially when you are in customer service then you have to be more patient.

✓ Yes, in my opinion every job requires a person to be patient with any kind of mess, and especially when you are in customer service you have to be even more patient.

Use 'in my opinion' instead of 'according to me' for naturalness, correct verb tense and agreement 'required' to 'requires' (present tense), use 'patient with' rather than 'patient for,' and adjust word order for clarity. Add 'even' to emphasize 'more patient.'

× You cannot bother yourself by by customers references.

✓ You cannot be bothered by customers' complaints.

'Bother yourself by by customers references' is ungrammatical and repetitive. Use passive 'be bothered by' and 'customers' complaints' or 'customers' requests' depending on meaning. Also fix duplicated 'by.'

× Yes, I feel these days I am more patient than than my childhood because with the life when you realize a lot of things then your hardship becomes easy for you and then you feel more patient and calm even if you are going through a hard life.

✓ Yes, I feel that these days I am more patient than I was in my childhood because as you go through life and realize many things, your hardships become easier and you feel more patient and calm even when you are going through difficult times.

Fix repeated 'than than,' add the missing verb 'was' for comparison with childhood, replace 'with the life' with 'as you go through life,' change 'realize a lot of things' to 'realize many things,' correct pluralization and article use 'hardship becomes easy' to 'hardships become easier,' and use 'even when' instead of 'even if' for the intended meaning.