Machine— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect words (e.g., "vehicle"). Also correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, remove extra words).

例: My favourite machine at home is the washing machine because it cleans clothes quickly and thoroughly. For example, our automatic washer handles large loads and has a gentle cycle for delicate items, which saves me time and keeps clothes in good condition.

提案: Answer directly and clearly, use correct vocabulary (sweeping machines/robotic sweepers), and use linking words to structure points (Firstly, Secondly). Be specific about benefits and avoid vague phrases. Fix grammar and word choice errors.

例: Yes, I think both are important in modern homes. Firstly, washing machines save a lot of time by cleaning large loads quickly; secondly, robotic sweepers keep floors tidy with minimal effort, so people can spend more time on work or family.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and one specific reason with an example. Improve grammar ("instructions", "using a machine") and avoid redundancy. Use linking words like "because" and "for example" to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I always read the instructions before using a machine because it helps me operate it safely. For example, the manual explains load limits and correct settings, which prevents damage and reduces the risk of accidents.

提案: Start with a direct opinion, then give one specific, well-formed example. Remove filler words (uh, so) and correct phrasing ("the manual prevents"). Use linking phrases like "For example" or "This means" to clarify.

例: Yes, I think reading the instructions is important because it teaches safe operation and maintenance. For example, the manual warns against overloading and recommends the correct detergent, which prevents breakdowns and extends the machine's life.

× My favorite machine in my home is washing machine because it cleans the clothes very nicely and properly and thus we I can wear and my family members can wear very clean and pure clothes and it helps in every family to wash their clothes and make them clean.

✓ My favorite machine in my home is the washing machine because it cleans clothes very well, so my family and I can wear very clean clothes; it helps every family wash and clean their clothes.

Missing definite article before a specific machine (the washing machine). Also issues with pluralization and word choice: 'the clothes' -> 'clothes', 'very nicely and properly' -> 'very well'. Remove redundant words and reorder for clarity. Suggest using 'the' for a specific appliance and simplify phrases to avoid repetition.

× So it's very perfect vehicle.

✓ So it is a very useful appliance.

Pronoun and noun choice: 'vehicle' is incorrect for a household machine. Use 'it is' instead of contraction if formal and choose 'useful appliance' to convey meaning. Also include an article 'a' before the adjective+noun.

× Uh, yes, I believe washing me washing machines and shipping machines are important in modern housing.

✓ Uh, yes, I believe washing machines and sweeping machines are important in modern homes.

Mistyped words and pronoun 'me' is incorrect. 'Shipping machines' likely intended 'sweeping machines'. 'Modern housing' is unnatural here; use 'modern homes'. Remove the stray 'me'.

× Firstly, they have a considerable amount of time and physical effort, allowing people to focus on work or family responsibilities instead of lengthy course.

✓ Firstly, they save a considerable amount of time and physical effort, allowing people to focus on work or family responsibilities instead of spending a long time on chores.

Original sentence lacked proper verb ('have' wrong meaning). Use 'save' to express reduction of time/effort. 'Lengthy course' is incorrect; should be 'spending a long time on chores'. Ensure verb-object relationships are correct.

× For example, automatic washing machines handle large loads efficiently, while robotic sleepers maintain floors daily without several.

✓ For example, automatic washing machines handle large loads efficiently, while robotic sweepers maintain floors daily without supervision.

Word choice errors: 'robotic sleepers' should be 'robotic sweepers' or 'robotic vacuum cleaners'. 'Without several' is meaningless; likely 'without supervision' or 'without effort'. Choose appropriate noun and complete the phrase.

× Yeah, I read the instruction before washing a machine because it's very necessary.

✓ Yes, I read the instructions before using a machine because it is very necessary.

Use plural 'instructions' (common collocation) and 'using a machine' is more natural than 'washing a machine'. Use 'Yes' for formality and avoid contraction if preferred. 'Necessary' needs 'very' sparingly; 'important' may be better.

× If we don't know about these things, then many other many problems can be occurred and we will face consequences later.

✓ If we do not know these things, many problems can occur and we may face consequences later.

Incorrect passive 'can be occurred' should be active 'can occur'. Remove redundant 'many other many'. Use 'do not' for formality and 'may' for possibility.

× So it is very necessary to one for one to learn this things and my mother also advises me to.

✓ So it is very necessary for one to learn these things, and my mother also advises me to do so.

Word order and pronoun errors: 'to one for one to' is incorrect—use 'for one to'. 'This things' should be 'these things'. Add 'do so' to complete 'advises me to'.

× Yeah, it's very important because if I know the instruction before using a washing machine, so it will help me understand how to operate it safely and avoid damage.

✓ Yes, it is very important because knowing the instructions before using a washing machine helps me understand how to operate it safely and avoid damage.

Use 'knowing the instructions' rather than 'if I know the instruction' for smoother structure. 'Instruction' -> 'instructions' plural and remove unnecessary conjunction 'so' after 'because'. Use present simple general truth.

× Uh, for example, I can say that if I follow the manual rules, then it will make the manual prevents overloading or using the wrong detergent, which would cause malfunction.

✓ For example, I can say that if I follow the manual's rules, it will prevent overloading or using the wrong detergent, which could cause a malfunction.

Awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms: 'make the manual prevents' is wrong. Use possessive 'manual's rules' and active verb 'prevent'. Use 'could' for possibility and include article 'a' before 'malfunction'.