Machine— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant with good content (reason and examples). To improve, make the response more concise and natural, fix minor grammar (remove extra words) and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid repetition (e.g., “for me” twice) and keep to 3–4 sentences. Use varied vocabulary like “essential,” “documentation,” and “streaming” correctly.

例: My favourite machine at home is my laptop because it’s essential for both work and leisure. As a nurse I handle a lot of documentation, so I use it to complete reports and attend online meetings. In my free time I stream shows and watch videos, which helps me relax.

提案: Good idea development and comparison. Improve by using more natural expressions (e.g., “depends on the family’s financial situation”), avoid awkward phrases (“spend a dime”), and add linking words like “however” to contrast. Make sentences more precise and correct grammar (singular/plural, articles).

例: I think it depends on a family’s financial situation. For wealthier families, washing and sweeping machines are very useful because they save time and effort. However, lower-income families often rely on manual methods because machines can be expensive.

提案: Clear personal preference and reason given. Improve coherence by using linking words and correcting grammar (use present tense consistently, fix awkward phrasing). Be concise and avoid redundancy (“watch than reading pamphlets” → “rather watch than read”). Mention a short example of when you used a tutorial.

例: I seldom read manuals because I find them complicated and prefer to learn by doing. I often watch YouTube tutorials instead, which are easier to follow—for example, I watched a short video to learn how to set up my new printer.

提案: You answer directly and give reasons, but it sounds repetitive of the previous answer. Improve by acknowledging both sides (briefly admit instructions can be useful) and use smoother linking phrases (“although”, “because”). Correct grammar and avoid repeating the same idea word-for-word.

例: Although I prefer figuring things out myself because it’s more challenging, I admit instructions can be useful for complex devices. For simple appliances I try trial and error, but for complicated machines I usually consult the manual or a tutorial.

× It's very essential for me for both work and entertainment.

✓ It's essential to me for both work and entertainment.

Use of 'for me' is awkward with 'essential'; 'essential to/for someone' is correct. Also 'very essential' is redundant; 'essential' suffices. Suggest: use 'essential to me' or 'essential for me' depending on emphasis.

× Working as a nurse comes with lots of documentation and I need this device for me to work from home and in my free time.

✓ Working as a nurse involves a lot of documentation, and I need this device to work from home and in my free time.

Avoid redundant pronoun 'for me'. Use 'involves' instead of 'comes with' for formal register and 'a lot of' not 'lots of' before uncountable 'documentation'. Use the infinitive 'to work' after 'need' instead of 'need ... to' with extra pronoun.

× I usually use this as my own entertainment by watching videos or Netflix.

✓ I usually use it for entertainment by watching videos or Netflix.

Use 'it' not 'this' when referring back to the laptop; 'for entertainment' is the natural prepositional phrase. 'My own entertainment' is wordy; 'for entertainment' is clearer.

× In my opinion it depends upon the family status.

✓ In my opinion, it depends on the family's financial situation.

'Depends upon the family status' is unnatural. Use 'depends on' not 'depends upon' in this context, and 'family's financial situation' clarifies meaning. Added comma after introductory phrase.

× Yes of course it's very beneficial to those families who can afford it because it can make their life easier and faster.

✓ Yes, of course it is very beneficial to families who can afford it because it can make their lives easier and faster.

Use 'it is' contracted properly or 'it's' with comma after 'Yes'. 'Those families' unnecessary; 'families' suffices. 'Life' should be plural 'lives' to agree with plural 'families'.

× They would want to spend a dime on it, but in the low income family they prefer traditional ones and manual hand washing.

✓ They might spend money on it, but low-income families prefer traditional methods and hand washing.

'Spend a dime' is idiomatic but implies very small amount; 'might spend money' is clearer. Use plural 'families' to match earlier reference; 'low-income' needs hyphen when used as a compound adjective. 'Traditional ones' vague — replace with 'traditional methods'. 'Manual hand washing' redundant; 'hand washing' is sufficient.

× For me, I seldom read instructions because I find it too complicated, I want to figure it out on my own and it gave me challenge to try to fix it by trial and error.

✓ I seldom read instructions because I find them too complicated; I want to figure things out on my own, and I enjoy the challenge of trying to fix things by trial and error.

Combine clauses properly with semicolon or period. 'Instructions' is plural so use 'them'. 'It gave me challenge' is ungrammatical; use 'I enjoy the challenge' or 'it gives me a challenge'. Use consistent plural 'things' when referring generally.

× And I would rather go for an online tutorial in YouTube videos than watch than reading pamphlets.

✓ I would rather watch an online tutorial on YouTube than read pamphlets.

Use parallel structure after 'would rather' — 'watch' and 'read' (both base verbs). Preposition for the platform is 'on YouTube'. Remove duplicate 'than'.

× For me, it's not essential at all because I want to fix it on my own and I find it too complicated if I'm going to read it in manual.

✓ For me, it's not essential at all because I want to fix things on my own, and I find reading the manual too complicated.

'Read it in manual' is incorrect — use 'reading the manual'. 'Fix it on my own' becomes 'fix things on my own' for general reference. Rearrange sentence for natural word order.

× Additionally, I want to challenge myself by having a trial and error in fixing these items.

✓ Additionally, I want to challenge myself by trying to fix these items through trial and error.

Use the gerund 'trying' after 'by'. The idiom is 'trial and error' used after 'through' or 'by', not 'having a trial and error'. 'These items' is acceptable; rephrase for natural English.