Machine— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 内容清晰但语法与表达不够流畅，有重复与用词错误（如“gym”误用），句子过长且逻辑不够紧凑。建议：1) 开头用一句主题句直接回答问题；2) 删除重复词（例如去掉多余的“it is”）；3) 使用恰当词汇（用“get cold”或“chilled”代替“gym”）；4) 用一两个简短的支持句并用连接词（because, so）使结构自然；5) 控制在最多5句内。

例: My favourite machine at home is my refrigerator because it keeps food fresh. It is quite large, so I can store many items like drinks and leftovers. In summer I often put chilled water and beverages in it, which helps me stay refreshed.

提案: 回答表意基本明确但词语使用和语法有问题（例如“steam”用错，重复“I”），句子结构混乱。建议：1) 先用一句直接回答；2) 用正确词汇说明原因（use ‘get dirty’ or ‘collect dust’, ‘affect performance’）；3) 用连接词（so, therefore）组织原因与建议；4) 提供具体建议（如定期清洗或维护）。

例: Yes, I think they are important because regular cleaning prevents dirt and dust from building up. If machines are not cleaned, their performance can decline and they may break down. Therefore, I recommend scheduling maintenance every few months.

提案: 答案肯定但表达冗长且有重复、词序错误和不必要短语（如“what to what is worth noticing”）。建议：1) 用一句清晰的主题句；2) 用简洁的从句说明原因（to learn safety points and operating steps）；3) 使用连接词（for example, because）并给出具体例子；4) 控制句子长度并注意代词一致。

例: Yes, I always read the instructions when I get a new machine because they explain safety precautions and how to use it correctly. For example, the manual tells me the proper startup procedure and cleaning tips.

提案: 观点明确且理由合理，但语法与用词不够准确（单复数、词汇如“something disaster”）。建议：1) 用一两句简洁表达重要性；2) 用正确词汇（‘dangerous’, ‘serious accidents’）；3) 举例说明后果并建议做法（read manual, follow warnings）；4) 保持句子自然、避免口头语。

例: Yes, I think reading the instructions is important because machines can be dangerous if used incorrectly. For example, misuse of electrical appliances can cause serious accidents, so following the manual and safety warnings helps prevent harm.

× My favorite machine is my refrigerator because it's it is very big and I can put almost anything into it and because I would like to gym ice water.

✓ My favorite machine is my refrigerator because it is very big and I can put almost anything into it, and I like to keep ice-cold water in it.

原句有多处问题：1) "it's it is" 是重复，应保留一种表达；2) "would like to gym ice water" 语义和语法都不正确，疑似想表达“喜欢放冰水/保持水冰凉”。这里用动词短语 "like to keep" 或 "like to store" 更自然。建议用简单现在时描述喜好。

× So I always buy some beverage into the refrigerator and I can have a good gym in summer.

✓ So I always put some beverages in the refrigerator and I can have a good drink in summer.

原句中用词不当：1) 英语中不会用 'buy ... into the refrigerator'，应使用 'put ... in' 或先 buy 然后 put；2) 'beverage' 复数更合适 'beverages' 或单数 'a beverage'；3) 'have a good gym' 是错误搭配，应该是 'have a good drink'（喝饮料）。建议使用 'put ... in the refrigerator' 和正确名词搭配。

× Yes, I do because I I think that if we don't wash machines they will get steam and also dirty and eventually it will also affect the functions of the machines.

✓ Yes, I do because I think that if we don't wash machines they will get steamed and dirty and eventually that will affect their functions.

原句问题：1) 重复的 'I I' 应删除多余项；2) 'get steam' 用法错误，正确应为 'get steamed' 或更自然 'get moldy/steamed up'，这里用 'steamed' 表示积蒸汽但上下文可能想说 '发霉/脏'，保留 'steamed and dirty'；3) 指代不明确，使用 'their functions' 比 'the functions of the machines' 更简洁自然。

× So I think we should schedule to wash it or sweep.

✓ So I think we should schedule to wash them or clean them.

原句错误：1) 'schedule to wash it' 用法不自然，应该说 'schedule washing/ schedule to wash them'；2) 'sweep' 通常用于地面，指家电应使用 'clean'；3) 单复数要一致，前文讲的是 'machines'，因此用 'them'。建议用 'schedule to wash them' 或 'schedule regular cleaning for them'。

× Yes I do because sometimes when I get a new machine and I will read the instructions to notice what to what is worth noticing when I use it and I will also check the procedures of the machine you.

✓ Yes, I do. Sometimes when I get a new machine I read the instructions to see what is important when I use it, and I also check the operating procedures.

原句问题：1) 时态混用（'when I get a new machine and I will read' 应为简单现在或将来时的一致表达），在陈述习惯时应使用简单现在 'I read'；2) 'to notice what to what is worth noticing' 冗余且不通顺，改为 'to see what is important'；3) 'check the procedures of the machine you' 结尾多余 'you' 并且 'procedures' 可改为更自然的 'operating procedures'。建议在描述习惯或常规行为时使用简单现在时并简化表达。

× You know sometimes the machines is a little bit dangerous and if we can't use it correctly it will cause something disaster and I think that we should read the instruction before we use anything.

✓ You know, sometimes machines are a little dangerous, and if we can't use them correctly they can cause disasters. I think that we should read the instructions before we use anything.

原句问题：1) 主谓不一致：'the machines is' 应为 'machines are'（或 'the machine is'）；2) 指代不一致，后文应使用复数 'them' 与 'machines' 一致；3) 'cause something disaster' 语法错误，应为 'cause disasters' 或 'cause a disaster'；4) 'read the instruction' 一般用复数 'instructions'。建议注意主谓一致、可数名词的单复数及固定搭配 'read the instructions'。