Memory— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, avoid fillers (umm, uh), reduce redundancy, and give one or two specific reasons or an example. Use linking words (because, so) to make the answer coherent. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: No, I'm not very good at memorising things because I tend to forget details from the past when life gets busy. For example, I often can’t recall dates or names from childhood, so I rely on notes and photos to help me remember.

提案: Answer directly and give a specific example of an important thing you forgot. Clarify phrases like “survival mode” or “unfocused mind” with a short reason, and use linking words (however, but) to contrast. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I have forgotten some important childhood details because I was focused on coping with difficult situations then. However, I clearly remember family holidays, such as a beach trip when I was eight, because we took many photos and kept souvenirs.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming specific daily things you need to remember (appointments, tasks, anniversaries). Explain how you remember them (journal, reminders) using linking words (for example, so). Avoid vague expressions like “liver person” — use “live fully” or similar.

例: In daily life I need to remember appointments and special moments, so I keep a journal and set phone reminders. For example, I write down birthdays and concerts in my planner so I don't miss them and can look back later.

提案: Provide a structured answer: start with the main methods you use (notes, reminders, photos), then give a brief example. Remove hesitations and vague phrases like “you know.” Use linking words (also, for example) and be specific about how each method helps your memory.

例: I remember important things mainly by writing them in a journal and taking photos. For example, after a special family dinner I write a short note and add a photo, which helps me recall the event vividly later.

× Umm, no, I'm not good at memorizing things as I think that there are many good memories that I have umm, achieved, but I don't really remember some of the old ones which were really exhausting to my mind.

✓ Umm, no, I'm not good at memorizing things, because I think I have many good memories that I achieved, but I don't really remember some of the older ones that were really exhausting for my mind.

Incorrect use of the past participle 'achieved' in this context and awkward clause connections. 'Achieved' can be used, but the sentence needs clearer structure: use 'I think I have many good memories that I achieved' (past participle acceptable but sounds odd) or better 'that I made' or simply 'many good memories.' Also 'old ones' should be 'older ones' and 'to my mind' should be 'for my mind.' Improve by simplifying clauses and using correct comparative adjective form and preposition. Suggestion: simplify to 'I have many good memories, but I don't remember some of the older ones that were exhausting for me.'

× Yes, I have forgotten mostly of my childhood because of my survival mode and unfocused mind, but I do remember every of my family holidays I spent with my parents and on vacations trips and I loved being with them.

✓ Yes, I have mostly forgotten my childhood because of survival mode and an unfocused mind, but I do remember every family holiday I spent with my parents on vacation, and I loved being with them.

Several issues: incorrect preposition 'forgotten of' should be 'forgotten' with object only; word order 'mostly forgotten my childhood.' 'My survival mode' is awkward; use 'survival mode' without possessive. 'Every of my family holidays' is incorrect quantifier use; use 'every family holiday' or 'all of my family holidays.' 'Vacations trips' is redundant and incorrect; use 'vacation' or 'vacation trips.' Ensure tense consistency: present perfect 'have forgotten' then past 'I loved' is acceptable for past feelings. Suggestion: 'I have mostly forgotten my childhood because I was in survival mode and my mind was unfocused, but I remember every family holiday I spent with my parents.'

× I just need to remember some of the only special moments of my life which I write down on my journal.

✓ I just need to remember only some special moments of my life, which I write down in my journal.

Incorrect and redundant quantifiers: 'some of the only special moments' is awkward. Use either 'only some special moments' or 'some of the special moments.' Also preposition with 'journal' should be 'in' not 'on.' Suggestion: 'I need to remember only some special moments, which I write in my journal.'

× And I like being a liver person, not just a survival.

✓ And I like being a live person, not just surviving.

'Liver' is a noun (organ) and incorrect here; intended adjective is 'lively' or phrase 'being alive' or 'living.' Also 'not just a survival' is incorrect; use gerund 'not just surviving' or adjective 'not just surviving life.' Suggestion: 'I like being alive, not just surviving.'

× So it's really important to keep memories in our mind or in written so that we can enjoy them later.

✓ So it's really important to keep memories in our mind or in writing so that we can enjoy them later.

Incorrect phrase 'in written' should be 'in writing.' Preposition 'in our mind' is acceptable but plural 'in our minds' is more natural. Suggestion: 'keep memories in our minds or in writing.'

× I remember important things when people tell me that yeah, we, yes, we spend time together, you know, that day was special, and I recall those moments.

✓ I remember important things when people remind me that we spent time together and that the day was special, and then I recall those moments.

Run-on and filler words ('yeah, we, yes, we') make sentence fragmented. Also tense inconsistency: use past tense 'spent' to refer to a specific past event. Better structure: 'when people remind me that we spent time together and that the day was special, I recall those moments.' Remove fillers for clarity.

× Also, I write in my journal about all my special days and my sad days too.

✓ Also, I write in my journal about all my special days and my sad days too.

This sentence is correct except it's already proper: preposition 'in' is correct and structure is fine. No change needed; kept for completeness.

× So every special moment has a great place in my heart.

✓ So every special moment has a special place in my heart.

Phrase 'a great place' is not ungrammatical but 'a special place' is a more idiomatic collocation with 'special moment.' Suggestion: use natural collocations for clarity and style.