Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is good but try to avoid repetition and minor grammatical errors like "it it". Also, use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, instead of listing reasons separately, you can say "Chocolate is one of my favorite desserts because it soothes me by releasing oxytocin, which reduces my stress and makes me feel happier."

例: Chocolate is one of my favorite desserts because it soothes me by releasing oxytocin, which reduces my stress and makes me feel happier. Therefore, it is one of the most comforting foods I enjoy indulging in.

提案: Your answer is expressive but a bit informal and repetitive. Try to be more concise and formal in your response. Also, avoid redundancy like "consecutively non-stop". Use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: I eat chocolate almost every day, sometimes even waking up in the middle of the night to have some. This shows how much I enjoy it.

提案: Your answer is detailed but a bit repetitive and slightly unclear towards the end. Try to use clearer linking words and avoid repeating similar phrases like "used to avoid" multiple times. Also, correct minor grammar mistakes such as "did not used to" should be "did not use to".

例: When I was young, I did not use to eat chocolate because it was not one of my favorite foods. I often ignored chocolates at home. However, as I grew older and my stress levels increased, I started enjoying chocolate more.

提案: Your answer is too vague and lacks specific reasons. Also, the phrase "like 1,000,000 and billions of quantity" is unclear and informal. Try to provide clear reasons why chocolate is popular and use precise language.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes delicious and can be used in many desserts. Additionally, it provides a quick energy boost, which many people enjoy.

提案: Your answer is good but contains filler words like "umm" and "uh" which reduce fluency. Also, avoid repeating words like "texture". Try to use linking words and more precise vocabulary.

例: Recently, a new flavour called Konafa has become famous worldwide, and it is one of my favorites. This is because it is sweeter, crunchy, and has a delightful crispy texture that I really enjoy.

提案: Your answer is clear but can be improved by using more natural expressions and linking words. Also, avoid awkward phrases like "As far as it is concerned to me". Instead, say "In my opinion" or "I think".

例: I think giving chocolates as gifts is a good idea because most people enjoy them, so the gift is unlikely to go to waste.

× It is like one of the most comforting food I'll ever indulge into.

✓ It is like one of the most comforting foods I'll ever indulge in.

The word 'food' should be plural 'foods' because it refers to one item among many comforting foods. Also, the correct preposition is 'indulge in' not 'indulge into'.

× OK I consume chocolate like almost every day consecutively non-stop.

✓ OK I consume chocolate almost every day consecutively, non-stop.

The phrase 'like almost every day' is informal and redundant; 'almost every day' is sufficient. Also, 'consecutively non-stop' is redundant; 'consecutively' or 'non-stop' alone is better. The sentence is corrected for clarity and grammar.

× when I was young I did not used to eat chocolate at all.

✓ when I was young I did not use to eat chocolate at all.

After 'did not', the base form of the verb should be used, so 'used' should be 'use'. 'Did not used to' is incorrect.

× I used to avoid them most of the times and then unless I grew up, became mature and my stress level rose.

✓ I used to avoid them most of the time until I grew up, became mature, and my stress level rose.

The phrase 'most of the times' should be 'most of the time' as 'time' is uncountable here. Also, 'unless' is incorrect in this context; 'until' is appropriate.

× I used to avoid them most of the times and then unless I grew up, became mature and my stress level rose.

✓ I used to avoid them most of the time until I grew up, became mature, and my stress level rose.

The conjunction 'unless' is incorrectly used; 'until' is the correct word to indicate a change after a certain time.

× I think chocolate is one of the most popular foods around the world and consumed in like 1,000,000 and billions of quantity.

✓ I think chocolate is one of the most popular foods around the world and is consumed in quantities of millions and billions.

The phrase 'in like 1,000,000 and billions of quantity' is awkward and incorrect. It should be 'in quantities of millions and billions' to correctly express large amounts.

× Recently a new flavour under the name Konafa has been introduced and its famous worldwide and that is one of my favorite, umm, flavour of chocolate.

✓ Recently a new flavour under the name Konafa has been introduced and it is famous worldwide and that is one of my favorite, umm, flavours of chocolate.

The pronoun 'its' should be 'it is' to form the correct verb phrase. Also, 'flavour' should be plural 'flavours' because it refers to one among many.

× That's because it's more sweet, crunchy and has that good uh, texture crispy kind of texture that I enjoy.

✓ That's because it's sweeter, crunchy and has that good, uh, crispy kind of texture that I enjoy.

The comparative form 'sweeter' should be used instead of 'more sweet'. Also, 'texture crispy kind of texture' is redundant; 'crispy kind of texture' is sufficient.

× As far as it is concerned to me, I usually pack chocolates or give chocolates as a gift because I think that's something that majority of the people enjoy and eat so it won't go to waste.

✓ As far as I am concerned, I usually pack chocolates or give chocolates as a gift because I think that's something that the majority of people enjoy and eat so it won't go to waste.

The phrase 'As far as it is concerned to me' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'As far as I am concerned'. Also, 'majority of the people' should be 'the majority of people'.