Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally good but could be more concise and natural. Avoid starting with 'Guess' and try to use clearer linking words. Also, 'so-called endorphins' sounds a bit awkward; simply say 'called endorphins.'

例: I really enjoy eating chocolate because of its rich and creamy taste, which is comforting and satisfying. For example, I often choose chocolate-flavored ice cream or cookies. Moreover, chocolate contains compounds called endorphins that can improve mood.

提案: Your answer has good content but some grammar and phrasing issues affect clarity. For example, 'in Vietnam's' should be 'in Vietnam,' and 'over performing' should be 'overperforming' or 'doing very well.' Also, try to use linking words like 'therefore' to connect ideas smoothly.

例: High-quality chocolate in Vietnam is quite expensive. Therefore, even though I have my own savings, I only allow myself to buy chocolate after doing very well in a school project or competition. Otherwise, buying it daily or weekly would make me run out of money.

提案: Your answer has several grammar mistakes and unclear phrases that affect understanding. For example, 'book a lot of chocolate from the Frank' is confusing. Also, 'his house is was only a stone' is unclear. Try to use simpler, clearer sentences and correct grammar.

例: Yes, I often ate chocolate as a kid. My uncle used to buy a lot of creamy, high-quality chocolate from France, which I found irresistible. I would visit his house every day to ask for some chocolate because it was so delicious.

提案: Your answer has good ideas but contains some vocabulary and grammar errors, such as 'verse versatility' instead of 'versatile,' and 'Frank' instead of 'France.' Also, 'in additionally' should be 'in addition.' Try to proofread and use correct words for clarity.

例: I believe chocolate is popular worldwide because of its rich, sweet taste that appeals to people of all ages. In addition, chocolate is very versatile and comes in many forms like bars, drinks, and desserts. It has also become an indispensable part of the culture in many countries, such as France.

提案: Your answer is a bit confusing due to grammar mistakes and unclear comparisons. For example, 'dry' should be 'try,' and the sentence structure needs improvement. Try to clearly compare the flavors and explain why milk chocolate is your favorite.

例: My favorite flavor is milk chocolate. When I try dark chocolate, I wish it were sweeter, and when I try white chocolate, I want it to be a bit bitter like dark chocolate. Milk chocolate perfectly balances sweetness and bitterness, so I like it best.

提案: Your answer is thoughtful but could be more concise and natural. For example, 'any others' should be 'others,' and 'whether they have disease related to obesity or diabetes or not' can be simplified. Use linking words like 'however' to improve flow.

例: Yes, in Vietnam, chocolate is often considered a romantic and caring gift, whether for Valentine's Day or other occasions. However, I think it's important to consider if the recipient has health issues like obesity or diabetes, since chocolate is high in sugar and fat.

× Additionally, chocolate contains a compound that can improve mood, which is so-called endorphins.

✓ Additionally, chocolate contains a compound that can improve mood, which is so-called endorphins.

The phrase 'so-called endorphins' is awkward and incorrect here. It should be 'called endorphins' or 'known as endorphins' because 'so-called' implies doubt or irony, which is not appropriate in this context. However, this is more a word choice issue than a grammar problem from the list, so no correction is needed based on the given grammar problem types.

× Frankly speaking, high quality chocolate in Vietnam's is very pricey.

✓ Frankly speaking, high quality chocolate in Vietnam is very pricey.

The phrase 'in Vietnam's' incorrectly uses the possessive form. The correct preposition is 'in Vietnam' to indicate location. Possessive 'Vietnam's' is not appropriate here.

× So although I have my own saving money, I only allow myself to buy chocolate after over performing in a school project or achieving high scores in the competitions.

✓ So although I have my own savings, I only allow myself to buy chocolate after overperforming in a school project or achieving high scores in competitions.

The phrase 'saving money' should be 'savings' to correctly refer to accumulated money. Also, 'over performing' should be one word 'overperforming' as a verb. 'The competitions' should be 'competitions' without 'the' because it refers to competitions in general.

× Moreover, if I buy it on the daily or weekly basis, I would run out of money.

✓ Moreover, if I buy it on a daily or weekly basis, I would run out of money.

The phrase 'on the daily or weekly basis' is incorrect. The correct expression is 'on a daily or weekly basis' using the indefinite article 'a'.

× I believe that my childhood is one of the most major indicator that make me have a deep love for chocolate.

✓ I believe that my childhood is one of the most major indicators that make me have a deep love for chocolate.

The word 'indicator' should be plural 'indicators' because it refers to 'one of the most major indicators', which is a plural noun phrase.

× Back then, my uncle used to book a lot of chocolate from the Frank which is very creamy, high quality and irresistible.

✓ Back then, my uncle used to buy a lot of chocolate from Frank which is very creamy, high quality and irresistible.

The verb 'book' is incorrect here; it should be 'buy' to indicate purchasing. Also, 'the Frank' is incorrect unless 'Frank' is a place or brand name that requires 'the', which is unlikely here.

× So every day I came to his house and asked for chocolate since his house is was only a stone.

✓ So every day I came to his house and asked for chocolate since his house was only a stone's throw away.

The phrase 'his house is was only a stone' is incorrect and incomplete. The correct idiom is 'a stone's throw away' meaning very close. Also, 'is was' is a tense error; it should be 'was'.

× Moreover, the verse versatility of chocolate in various forms just bars, drinks and desserts adds to its widespread appeal.

✓ Moreover, the vast versatility of chocolate in various forms like bars, drinks, and desserts adds to its widespread appeal.

The word 'verse' is incorrect; it should be 'vast' to describe large extent. Also, 'just bars, drinks and desserts' is awkward; 'like bars, drinks, and desserts' is better.

× In additionally, it has become an in indispensable part cultural part of many countries such as Frank.

✓ In addition, it has become an indispensable cultural part of many countries such as France.

'In additionally' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'In addition'. 'An in indispensable' has an extra 'in'. Also, 'cultural part' needs the adjective before the noun. 'Frank' is likely a typo for 'France'.

× My favorite option must be the milk chocolate.

✓ My favorite choice must be milk chocolate.

'Option' is not the best word here; 'choice' is more natural when referring to a favorite flavor. Also, 'the milk chocolate' can be 'milk chocolate' without 'the'.

× Whenever I dry dark chocolate, I want it to be sweeter and but when I dried the white chocolate, I want it to be bitter like the dark one.

✓ Whenever I try dark chocolate, I want it to be sweeter, but when I try white chocolate, I want it to be bitter like the dark one.

'Dry' is incorrect; it should be 'try'. Also, 'and but' is redundant; only 'but' is needed. 'Dried' should be 'try' to keep tense consistent.

× And you know, the milk chocolate definitely meet both of the demands.

✓ And you know, milk chocolate definitely meets both of the demands.

'The milk chocolate' can be 'milk chocolate' without 'the'. Also, 'meet' should be 'meets' to agree with singular subject 'milk chocolate'.

× Yes, maybe in Vietnam it is widely considered as among the most romantic and caring gifts that you can give to any others, whether it's a Valentine or not.

✓ Yes, maybe in Vietnam it is widely considered among the most romantic and caring gifts that you can give to others, whether it's Valentine's Day or not.

'Any others' is incorrect; 'others' is sufficient. 'Valentine' should be 'Valentine's Day' to refer to the holiday.

× But I think that I need to consider the recipient whether they have disease related to obesity or diabetes or not, since chocolate is very high in sugar and fat.

✓ But I think that I need to consider the recipient, whether they have diseases related to obesity or diabetes or not, since chocolate is very high in sugar and fat.

A comma is needed before 'whether' to separate clauses. Also, 'disease' should be plural 'diseases' because it refers to multiple conditions.