Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and grammatically correct by avoiding redundancy and improving sentence structure. For example, instead of saying 'I like eating chocolate, particularly the milk chocolate and the chocolate named Feral rosary is my favorite one,' you could say 'I really enjoy eating chocolate, especially milk chocolate, and my favourite brand is Feral Rosary.' Also, avoid unnecessary phrases like 'and enjoys very.'

例: Yes, I really enjoy eating chocolate, especially milk chocolate. My favourite brand is Feral Rosary, and I always ask friends coming from abroad to bring some for me.

提案: Your answer is good but can be improved by using linking words to make it more coherent and by correcting grammar. For example, use 'because' to explain the diet and 'also' to add information. Also, avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter ones.

例: I often eat chocolate on weekends because I am currently on a diet. I have a cheat day each week when I allow myself to enjoy chocolate. Also, when I go out with friends, we sometimes visit cafes and order chocolate ice cream.

提案: Try to improve grammar and clarity. For example, say 'my father had a stationery shop when I was a child' and 'he used to bring chocolate every day, so I developed a habit of eating it daily.' Also, avoid spelling mistakes like 'Obes' and use 'obese' if necessary, but better to avoid negative self-labeling. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, when I was a child, my father had a stationery shop and he used to bring chocolate every day. Because of this, I developed a habit of eating chocolate daily, which affected my health.

提案: Your answer is on the right track but incomplete and slightly unclear at the end. Try to complete your thoughts and use linking words to connect ideas. For example, say 'Chocolate is popular worldwide because of its unique taste and versatility. It comes in various forms, such as dark and milk chocolate, and is widely used in making confectionery items like pastries and cakes.'

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because of its unique taste and versatility. It comes in different forms, such as dark and milk chocolate, and is used in many confectionery items like pastries and cakes.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity by saying 'My favourite flavour is milk chocolate because it has a unique taste and is milder compared to dark chocolate.' Also, avoid starting sentences with 'And.' Use linking words like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' to add information.

例: My favourite flavour is milk chocolate because it has a unique and milder taste compared to dark chocolate. Additionally, I enjoy chocolate bars with toppings and fillings as they add crunchiness and enhance the flavour.

提案: Your answer is clear and well-structured. To improve further, you could add more specific examples or reasons why chocolates are appreciated as gifts. Also, correct 'considered as sweet way' to 'considered a sweet way.'

例: Yes, giving chocolates as gifts is a common tradition in our country. For instance, during birthdays or anniversaries, people often choose a box of chocolates or flowers because they are thoughtful and widely appreciated. Moreover, chocolates are considered a sweet way to express love and good wishes, making them perfect gifts.

× When someone comes from abroad, I always ask them to bring me that chocolate and enjoys very.

✓ When someone comes from abroad, I always ask them to bring me that chocolate and enjoy it very much.

The verb 'enjoys' does not agree with the plural subject 'them'. It should be 'enjoy' to match the plural pronoun. Also, 'very' is incomplete; it should be 'very much' to express the degree of enjoyment clearly.

× I often eat chocolate during weekends so currently I'm on a diet so every week I have a cheat day and I will eat chocolate during that day and often when I go out with friends we go to cafes and order chocolate ice.

✓ I often eat chocolate during weekends. Currently, I'm on a diet, so every week I have a cheat day when I eat chocolate. Also, often when I go out with friends, we go to cafes and order chocolate ice cream.

The sentence is a run-on and lacks proper conjunctions and punctuation. 'Will eat' is replaced with simple present 'eat' to indicate habitual action. 'Chocolate ice' is incomplete; it should be 'chocolate ice cream' for clarity.

× Yes, of course, since my father have a stationery shop from childhood itself, it was a routine that he will bring chocolate.

✓ Yes, of course, since my father has had a stationery shop since my childhood, it was a routine that he would bring chocolate.

The verb 'have' does not agree with the singular subject 'father'; it should be 'has'. Also, 'from childhood itself' is awkward; 'since my childhood' is more natural. 'Will bring' is changed to 'would bring' to indicate past habitual action.

× So I had habit of eating chocolate every day that particularly made me an Obes.

✓ So I had a habit of eating chocolate every day, which particularly made me obese.

The phrase 'had habit' needs the article 'a' to be correct. 'Obes' is a misspelling; the correct word is 'obese'. Also, 'that' is better replaced with 'which' to introduce the relative clause.

× Chocolate comes in different forms like the dark chocolate or the milk chocolate and this is useful in making many of the confectionery related items like pastries and.

✓ Chocolate comes in different forms like dark chocolate or milk chocolate, and it is useful in making many confectionery-related items like pastries.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'and.' The phrase 'the dark chocolate or the milk chocolate' is better without 'the' before types of chocolate. 'Confectionery related' should be hyphenated as 'confectionery-related'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and completeness.

× My favorite flavor is the milk chocolate because it has a unique taste and it's not as bigger as compared to that of the dark chocolate.

✓ My favorite flavor is milk chocolate because it has a unique taste and it's not as big as the dark chocolate.

The phrase 'not as bigger as' is incorrect; it should be 'not as big as'. Also, 'the milk chocolate' is better as 'milk chocolate' without 'the' when speaking generally. 'Compared to that of' is unnecessarily wordy; 'as the dark chocolate' suffices.