Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat natural but could be clearer and more structured. Avoid generalizations like "like all girls" and focus on your personal preference. Start with a clear topic sentence, then explain your preference with specific reasons. Also, avoid redundancy and keep the answer concise.

例: Yes, I enjoy eating chocolate because I have a sweet tooth. However, I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle, so I often choose protein bars or sugar-free desserts instead.

提案: Your answer is understandable but could be more coherent and natural. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid awkward phrasing. Also, clarify your meaning to make it easier to follow.

例: I rarely eat chocolate because I prioritize my health. However, if I were fit, I would enjoy eating chocolate more often.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but could be improved by correcting grammar and adding linking words. Also, provide a clearer topic sentence and supporting details.

例: Yes, I used to eat chocolate often as a child. I was quite chubby back then, and chocolate was my favorite treat. Sometimes, I would even finish a whole package in one sitting.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Try to organize your ideas logically and use appropriate vocabulary. Avoid filler words like "umm" and explain your points clearly with linking words.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it has a long history and a unique taste. Many people enjoy it since it is both simple and delicious.

提案: Your answer has some vocabulary mistakes and unclear phrases like "flower flowers." Use correct terms and structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Avoid unnecessary words and be specific.

例: My favorite flavors are milk and white chocolate because they are sweet and creamy. I don't enjoy other types of chocolate as much.

提案: Your answer is a bit vague and could be more developed. Provide a clear opinion and explain your reasoning with specific details. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

例: I believe chocolate can be a nice addition to a main gift because it adds a sweet touch. However, I think gifts should have personal meaning to the recipient.

× Yep, like all girls I like sweets, I like chocolates but I prefer healthy lifestyle.

✓ Yep, like all girls I like sweets, I like chocolate but I prefer a healthy lifestyle.

The word 'chocolates' is plural but in this context, 'chocolate' as a general food item is uncountable and should be singular. Also, 'healthy lifestyle' needs an article 'a' before it because it is a singular countable noun phrase.

× So because of it I prefer protein bars, protein chocolate and desserts without sugar.

✓ So because of that, I prefer protein bars, protein chocolate, and desserts without sugar.

The phrase 'because of it' is awkward here; 'because of that' is more natural to refer back to the previous idea. Also, commas are needed to separate items in a list.

× So I eat chocolate really rarely because my body is more important for me than just chocolate.

✓ So I really rarely eat chocolate because my body is more important to me than just chocolate.

The adverb 'really rarely' should be placed before the verb 'eat' for correct adverb placement. Also, 'important for me' should be 'important to me'.

× But to be honest if I can be fit and usually eat chocolate, I prefer it.

✓ But to be honest, if I can be fit and usually eat chocolate, I would prefer it.

The sentence is conditional and requires the modal verb 'would' to express preference in a hypothetical situation.

× When I was child I was really chubby and it was my favorite dessert and I could eat whole package of chocolate.

✓ When I was a child, I was really chubby and chocolate was my favorite dessert and I could eat a whole package of chocolate.

The phrase 'when I was child' needs the article 'a' before 'child'. Also, 'whole package' needs the article 'a' before it. Additionally, 'it' is unclear and should be replaced with 'chocolate' for clarity.

× Chocolate. Chocolate is the classic and umm, that has toots to the a lot of time.

✓ Chocolate is a classic and has roots going back a long time.

The original sentence is fragmented and unclear. It needs to be restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness. 'Toots' is incorrect; the correct word is 'roots'. Also, 'to the a lot of time' is incorrect and should be 'going back a long time'.

× And a lot of people around the world love chocolate because it's so ordinary but so tasty.

✓ And a lot of people around the world love chocolate because it's so ordinary yet so tasty.

The conjunction 'but' is less appropriate here; 'yet' better expresses the contrast between 'ordinary' and 'tasty'.

× I really enjoy with the milk chocolate and white because they are so sweet and to be honest I don't like others flower flowers.

✓ I really enjoy milk chocolate and white chocolate because they are so sweet, and to be honest, I don't like other flavors.

The phrase 'enjoy with' is incorrect; 'enjoy' does not require 'with'. Also, 'others flower flowers' is incorrect; the correct word is 'other flavors'. Commas are added for clarity.

× I think it's the addition to the first gift because I think the gifts should have something meaning.

✓ I think it's an addition to the main gift because I think gifts should have some meaning.

'The addition to the first gift' is awkward; 'an addition to the main gift' is clearer. Also, 'something meaning' should be 'some meaning'. The definite article 'the' before 'gifts' is unnecessary here.