Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (like 'exactly', 'UMM', 'like') and reduce redundancy (don’t repeat 'chocolate' and 'favorite flavor' unnecessarily). Add one specific detail about why it comforts you (e.g. texture or nostalgia) and use a linking phrase if giving reason.

例: Yes, I love chocolate. I often buy a chocolate cake or a brownie at dessert shops because the rich, creamy taste comforts me after a long day.

提案: Make the answer clearer and correct mistakes. Give a concise frequency statement, then a brief, accurate reason. Avoid vague phrases like 'hard self' and unnecessary tense errors ('had just heard'). Use linking words like 'because' or 'as'.

例: Almost every day. I eat a small piece of dark chocolate each morning because studies suggest moderate dark chocolate has health benefits for the heart.

提案: Use a direct topic sentence and fewer hesitations. Avoid repetition of the same idea; instead give a short reason and one specific example (e.g. parents limited sweets, only had chocolate on special occasions). Improve grammar ('seldom allowed me' not 'left me').

例: Not really. My parents rarely allowed sweets when I was young, so I only had chocolate on special occasions like birthdays.

提案: Start with a clear opinion and then give two concise reasons using linking words ('because' or 'and'). Avoid vague phrasing ('may have something to do with') and correct word order ('people...accept its taste and can use it in many desserts').

例: I think chocolate is popular because it tastes good and is very versatile: people enjoy it on its own and chefs use it in many different desserts worldwide.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, avoid unnecessary hedges ('to be honest', 'I know'). Explain briefly why you prefer 100% dark chocolate with a specific reason (flavour profile, health reasons) and correct grammar ('sweeter ones', 'makes me feel healthier').

例: My favorite is 100% dark chocolate because I enjoy its intense, bitter flavour and it feels like a healthier choice compared with very sweet chocolates.

提案: Be concise and natural: give a direct opinion then two clear reasons using linking words. Avoid awkward phrasing ('reciprocate others kindness', 'a chocolate with as a gift'). Use plural/singular correctly and remove redundancy.

例: Yes, I think chocolate makes a great gift because it’s affordable and widely liked, so it’s an easy way to show appreciation.

× Yes exactly, I'm a big fan of chocolate and chocolate is also my favorite flavor so every time when I go to like dessert store UMM I will always buy a chocolate cake or brownie something like that to comfort myself.

✓ Yes, exactly. I'm a big fan of chocolate, and chocolate is also my favorite flavor, so whenever I go to a dessert store I always buy a chocolate cake or a brownie or something like that to comfort myself.

The original sentence uses incorrect or awkward prepositions and determiners: 'every time when I go to like dessert store' should be 'whenever I go to a dessert store'. Use 'to' before 'a dessert store' is unnecessary; 'go to a store' is fine but 'to like' is filler and incorrect. Also add articles 'a' before 'dessert store' and 'a brownie'. Break into shorter clauses for clarity and maintain present habitual tense.

× I would say almost every day since I have a habit of having a piece of dark chocolate in the morning because I had just heard that a study suggests that having moderate amounts of dark chocolate can be good for our hard self.

✓ I would say almost every day because I have a habit of eating a piece of dark chocolate in the morning, and I recently heard that a study suggests that moderate amounts of dark chocolate can be good for our health.

Mixed tenses and wrong word choice: 'have a habit of having' is wordy; use 'have a habit of eating' or 'I eat'. 'because I had just heard' mixes past perfect with present; use 'I recently heard'. 'hard self' is incorrect—use 'health'. Keep present/present-perfect for current habits and recent information.

× Not really, because when I was little, my parents, umm, seldom left me having excessive amount of sugar.

✓ Not really, because when I was little my parents seldom let me have an excessive amount of sugar.

Incorrect verb and structure: 'left me having' is wrong; the correct causative is 'let me have'. 'excessive amount' needs the article 'an'. Use simple past 'let' or 'would not let' to describe past habit. This fixes verb usage and article.

× So the chocolate was also prohibited from my daily have, uh, eating routine.

✓ So chocolate was also prohibited from my daily eating routine.

Unnecessary definite article 'the' before 'chocolate' makes it sound specific; general reference should be 'chocolate'. 'from my daily have, uh, eating routine' is awkward; 'daily eating routine' is correct. Remove filler words and keep noun phrase concise.

× So that's why I seldom have chocolate when I was little.

✓ So that's why I seldom had chocolate when I was little.

Tense inconsistency: 'that's why' (present) can remain, but the subordinate clause referring to childhood should be past tense: 'I seldom had chocolate when I was little.' Use past simple 'had' to match 'was little'.

× I think it may have something to do with its pleasing taste since it is also very versatile so people from all over the world can accept its taste and change use it in different desserts.

✓ I think it may have something to do with its pleasing taste. Since it is also very versatile, people from all over the world can accept its flavor and use it in different desserts.

Pronoun and word order issues: 'change use it' is incorrect—should be 'use it'. 'accept its taste' is better expressed as 'accept its flavor'. Break into two sentences and add commas for clarity. 'It' consistently refers to chocolate; keep pronoun use clear.

× To be honest, I love pure chocolate, which means I am a big fan of 100% dark chocolate.

✓ To be honest, I love pure chocolate; I am a big fan of 100% dark chocolate.

Original is understandable but 'which means' is awkward here; a semicolon or separate clause is clearer. This is a stylistic correction to improve clarity rather than grammatical necessity.

× I know it sounds a little weird since I know people nowadays love sweeter one.

✓ I know it sounds a little weird since I know people nowadays prefer sweeter ones.

'sweeter one' is incorrect because 'one' refers to plural people preferring types of chocolate—use 'ones' or say 'sweeter chocolate'. Use 'prefer' instead of 'love' for natural collocation.

× However, I think having a dark chocolate made me feel more healthy.

✓ However, I think eating dark chocolate makes me feel healthier.

Tense and word-form issues: 'having a dark chocolate made me feel' mixes progressive noun with past tense; if describing general effect use present simple 'makes'. 'more healthy' is less natural than comparative 'healthier'. Use 'eating' instead of 'having a dark chocolate' for habitual action.

× Yes, I totally agree with this view because to reciprocate others kindness I think giving them a chocolate with as a gift is a best choice because chocolate is inexpensive and highly acceptable.

✓ Yes, I totally agree with this view because to reciprocate others' kindness I think giving them chocolate as a gift is the best choice since chocolate is inexpensive and widely appreciated.

Several issues: possessive apostrophe missing in 'others kindness' should be 'others' kindness'. 'a chocolate with as a gift' is incorrect; use 'chocolate as a gift' or 'a box of chocolates as a gift'. 'is a best choice' should be 'is the best choice'. 'highly acceptable' is awkward; 'widely appreciated' is better. Fix prepositions and articles accordingly.