Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more grammatical: start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I like chocolate), then give 1–2 specific reasons with linking words. Avoid unclear phrases and pronunciation errors. Mention types (milk, dark) and why you prefer them. Keep it under 5 sentences.

例: Yes, I like chocolate because it comes in many varieties. For example, dark chocolate has a pleasant bitterness while milk chocolate is sweeter. Also, many local chocolates have distinct flavors depending on where the cocoa is grown, which I find interesting.

提案: Give a direct frequency statement followed by a brief reason using linking words. Correct unclear vocabulary and avoid extra filler. Use concise phrasing.

例: I usually eat chocolate about twice a week because there are always chocolate bars in the office. As a result, it is easy to snack on them during breaks.

提案: Answer directly and briefly, then give a specific example with fewer hesitations. Use past tense consistently and avoid filler words. Mention one or two occasions and a reason.

例: No, I did not eat chocolate often as a child. We usually had it only on special occasions, such as birthdays or my parents' wedding, because it was treated as a special treat.

提案: Organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and two concise reasons linked logically. Use correct vocabulary (aroma, texture, taste, addictive) and avoid uncertain phrases like 'I'm assuming'.

例: I think chocolate is popular because of its appealing aroma and rich taste. In addition, its smooth texture and sugar content make it feel indulgent, which many people find hard to resist.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the favorite, then give 1–2 specific reasons using coherent vocabulary (bitterness, rich flavour, cocoa content). Avoid confusing phrases and stick to simple, precise language.

例: My favourite is dark chocolate because I find milk chocolate too sweet. I like the deep, bitter flavor and the intense cocoa taste that lingers after you eat it.

提案: Answer directly, then give specific reasons and a brief recommendation. Use correct words (diaries -> dairy, mindful of allergies) and link ideas with words like 'however' or 'for example'. Keep sentences concise.

例: Yes, chocolate can make a good gift; however, you should be careful about recipients' allergies. For example, check whether they are allergic to dairy or nuts, and choose a suitable option if you are unsure.

× Yes and I read a lot of local sauce chocolate like isn't unlike no chocolate in in the market.

✓ Yes. I read about many local sauce chocolates that are not like the chocolates in the market.

The original sentence has unclear structure, extra words, and repetition ('in in') making it hard to understand. Rewriting clarifies subject and object order and removes redundancy. Suggestion: state the main point first, then add distinguishing details (e.g., 'I read about many local... that are not like...').

× So it's a sugar or in dark chocolate that you can taste a bit of bitterness.

✓ Some are sugary, and in dark chocolate you can taste a bit of bitterness.

The original mixes noun and adjective forms ('a sugar') and has incorrect preposition order. Use 'sugary' as adjective and separate the ideas with 'and'. Ensure parallel structure: 'Some are sugary, and in dark chocolate you can taste bitterness.'

× All this sauce chocolate come with its own flavor depending on the religion is growing.

✓ All these sauce chocolates come with their own flavor depending on the region where they are grown.

'All this' should be 'All these' to match plural noun; 'chocolate' needs plural or count noun form 'chocolates'; 'come' must agree with plural 'chocolates' (come is correct), but 'their' is needed for plural possessive. 'Religion' is wrong word; 'region' fits context. Add 'where they are grown' to clarify meaning.

× The Army depends and usually maybe twice a week 'cause we have a safe bar in the office and we always have chocolate bars just lying around so I can't hear myself.

✓ It depends, but usually maybe twice a week because we have a snack bar in the office and chocolate bars are always lying around, so I can't resist.

'The Army depends' is incorrect phrase; likely 'it depends' is intended. 'Safe bar' is wrong; 'snack bar' fits. 'I can't hear myself' is nonsensical here; context suggests 'I can't resist.' Rewriting fixes subject reference, word choice, and final idiom.

× I didn't, we usually had chocolate during special occasions like umm, someone's birthday party or maybe some, uh, my parents marriage Anyway, sorry, but beyond that we umm, normally didn't umm, stock those kind of snacks, you know, a couple.

✓ We didn't. We usually had chocolate during special occasions like someone's birthday party or my parents' wedding. Beyond that, we normally didn't stock those kinds of snacks.

Mix of past and present tense and extra fillers; 'I didn't' is unclear so use 'We didn't.' 'My parents marriage' should be 'my parents' wedding' with possessive apostrophe and correct noun. 'Those kind of snacks' should be plural agreement 'those kinds of snacks' or 'those kinds of snack'—here 'those kinds of snacks' is natural. Remove filler words for clarity.

× I think because I I'm assuming aroma and tennis combining that we should give you this addictive test that you can't resist and every time you finger chocolate that smell that can always come to your brain.

✓ I think it's because the aroma and taste combine to give chocolate an addictive quality that you can't resist, and every time you smell chocolate that scent can come back to your mind.

Multiple word choice errors: 'tennis' should be 'taste'; 'we should give you this addictive test' is garbled—use 'give chocolate an addictive quality'; 'finger chocolate' should be 'smell chocolate'; 'brain' better as 'mind.' Reconstruct sentence to maintain meaning and correct vocabulary.

× It's dark chocolate. I think milk chocolate is too sweet for me. And I don't mean you're a typical dark chocolate and you can find a store that you can tea to be the bitterness.

✓ I prefer dark chocolate. I think milk chocolate is too sweet for me. I don't mean typical dark chocolate; I mean a kind of dark chocolate where you can taste the bitterness.

Original contains pronoun and phrasing errors: 'I don't mean you're a typical dark chocolate' is wrong pronoun use ('you're'); 'store that you can tea to be the bitterness' is nonsensical. Replace with clear pronouns and vocabulary: 'a kind of dark chocolate where you can taste the bitterness.'

× I mean the long call on that chocolate that you can taste sometimes deep through the flavor in the chocolate itself.

✓ I mean a long-lasting chocolate flavor in which you can sometimes taste deep, rich notes in the chocolate itself.

Many words are incorrect ('long call on') and word order is awkward. Use 'long-lasting flavor' and 'deep, rich notes' to convey intended meaning and place adjectives before nouns correctly.

× I do, but you have to be mindful though about the allergy and things like that because sometimes people are allergic to Diaries, sometimes they're allergic to nuts because sometimes they put nut together with chocolate.

✓ I do, but you have to be mindful of allergies and similar issues because some people are allergic to dairy, and others are allergic to nuts since nuts are sometimes mixed with chocolate.

'Have to be mindful about the allergy' is awkward; use 'mindful of allergies.' 'Diaries' is misspelled and wrong form—should be 'dairy.' Clarify conjunctions and cause with 'since' or 'because.'

× So you have to be my food.

✓ So you have to be careful about the food you give.

'Be my food' is meaningless; probably intended 'be mindful of the food you give.' Rewrite to express caution about food choices.

× And of course, sometimes people avoid chocolate because they believe that you could cause some acne on their face.

✓ And of course, sometimes people avoid chocolate because they believe it can cause acne on their face.

Pronoun 'you' incorrectly used; should refer to chocolate ('it') as the cause. Use modal 'can' to express possibility rather than 'could' with 'you.' Also 'some acne on their face' simplified to 'acne on their face.'

× So know who you're going to give.

✓ So know who you are going to give it to.

Sentence is missing object and preposition. Add 'it' (the chocolate) and 'to' to complete the structure: 'know who you are going to give it to.'