Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сформулируйте ответ более естественно и грамматически правильно: используйте одну главную мысль и поддерживающие детали. Избегайте пауз и лишних «uh». Уточните причины: например, как шоколад влияет на настроение или энергию. Используйте связующие слова (because, so, therefore) для плавности.

例: Yes, I like eating chocolate because it helps me feel calmer when I am nervous. For example, a small piece can lift my mood quickly because it contains compounds that increase pleasure. So I often have chocolate as a quick comfort snack.

提案: Скажите частоту кратко и точно, затем добавьте конкретный пример и причину. Избегайте повторов и неточных слов (например, «sauce» вместо «source»). Постройте ответ в 1–3 предложениях и используйте слова связи (for example, because).

例: I often eat chocolate, usually two or three pieces a day, because I use it as a quick source of energy. For example, I sometimes have a small bar in the afternoon when I feel tired.

提案: Ответьте прямо на вопрос в прошедшем времени и объясните причину кратко. Избегайте незавершённых фраз. Используйте правильные формы (when I was a child, my parents didn’t allow). Добавьте одно предложение о том, как это изменилось сейчас.

例: When I was a child I didn’t eat chocolate often because my parents limited sugary snacks. Now I can eat it occasionally since I make my own decisions.

提案: Дайте ясную, логичную причину популярности и подкрепите её конкретными аспектами: вкус, традиции, удобство, влияние на настроение. Избегайте незаконченных мыслей и слов-паразитов. Используйте связки (for example, because, also).

例: I think chocolate is popular because it tastes good and is easy to eat anywhere. For example, it can lift people’s mood and is available in many varieties, from milk to dark chocolate, so it suits different preferences.

提案: Будьте конкретны: назовите вкус и опишите его. Избегайте неясных формулировок («that», «blue pocket»). Если упоминаете местный продукт, поясните, что это значит. Используйте одно-три предложения с описанием и примером.

例: My favourite is chocolate with nuts, especially hazelnuts, because the crunch complements the sweetness. I also enjoy trying local chocolates from Kazakhstan because they often have unique flavours.

提案: Дайте чёткий вывод и объясните условие. Используйте условные структуры правильно (If someone likes chocolate, it is a good gift). Избегайте общих слов и уточните альтернативы (other gifts).

例: Yes, chocolate can be a good gift if the person likes sweets, because it’s pleasant and easy to share. However, if they don’t like sweet foods, it’s better to choose something else, like a book or a gift card.

× I usually eat a chocolate when I nervous or uh, when I have a low pressure.

✓ I usually eat chocolate when I am nervous or when I have low blood pressure.

The noun 'chocolate' is uncountable when referring to the substance, so remove the article 'a'. 'I nervous' lacks the verb to be; use 'I am nervous'. 'low pressure' in this context should be 'low blood pressure'. Suggestion: treat 'chocolate' as uncountable (no 'a') and use the correct copula 'am'.

× Umm, chocolate is a source of dopamine and you have a good emotions feelings uh, after it.

✓ Chocolate helps release dopamine and makes you feel good afterwards.

The phrase 'a good emotions feelings' mixes singular/plural and incorrect adjective use. Use a verb phrase 'makes you feel good' for natural English and 'after it' should be 'afterwards'. Suggestion: simplify to 'makes you feel good' and avoid redundant nouns 'emotions feelings'.

× I frequently eat chocolate, uh, because, uh, I need some sauce for energy, uh, for example, uh, I can eat uh, two or three, uh, chocolate per a day, so.

✓ I frequently eat chocolate because I need some source of energy; for example, I can eat two or three pieces of chocolate per day.

'sauce' is incorrect for 'source'. 'per a day' is wrong; use 'per day' or 'a day'. 'two or three chocolate' needs plural or 'pieces of chocolate'. Suggestion: use 'source of energy', 'pieces of chocolate', and 'per day'.

× When I wake kid I can't eat chocolate very often because my parents don't allow me to eat a lot of sauce of sugar.

✓ When I was a kid I couldn't eat chocolate very often because my parents didn't allow me to eat a lot of sugar.

'When I wake kid' should be 'When I was a kid'. Present tense 'can't' should be past 'couldn't' to match 'When I was a kid'. 'don't allow me' -> 'didn't allow me'. 'sauce of sugar' is incorrect; use 'a lot of sugar'. Suggestion: use past tense and correct nouns 'sugar'.

× So right now I.

✓ So right now I do eat chocolate sometimes.

The original is an incomplete sentence lacking a verb and object. Complete the thought with a full clause matching present habit. Suggestion: finish sentences with a clear verb phrase, e.g., 'I do eat chocolate sometimes'.

× Chocolate is the uh, very delicious food, uh, made by human, umm, it is the source of energy, good emotion, umm, and dark chocolate can be also very.

✓ Chocolate is a very delicious food made by humans; it is a source of energy and good feelings, and dark chocolate can also be very healthy.

'made by human' should be 'made by humans' (plural). 'good emotion' is unnatural; use 'good feelings'. The sentence 'can be also very' is incomplete; add an adjective like 'healthy' or 'popular'. Suggestion: use plural 'humans', choose appropriate nouns 'feelings', and complete comparative/adjective phrases.

× I like that. Chocolates and chocolate with some nuts.

✓ I like chocolates, especially chocolate with nuts.

Fragment 'I like that.' is unclear and 'Chocolates and chocolate with some nuts' is redundant. Use plural 'chocolates' or singular 'chocolate' consistently and combine ideas: 'especially chocolate with nuts'. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments and redundancy.

× In addition, I can say chocolate of Kazakhstan with blue pocket.

✓ In addition, I can say chocolate from Kazakhstan with a blue package.

'chocolate of Kazakhstan' should be 'chocolate from Kazakhstan'. 'blue pocket' is incorrect; likely 'blue package' or 'blue wrapper'. Add article 'a' before 'blue package'. Suggestion: use 'from' for origin and correct noun for packaging.

× Uh, if person keen on chocolate, it was be the best, uh, present for them.

✓ If a person is keen on chocolate, it would be the best present for them.

Missing article 'a' before 'person'. 'it was be' is ungrammatical; use modal 'would be'. Also add 'is' after subject. Suggestion: include articles and correct modal forms: 'If a person is keen... it would be...'.

× But uh, if a person, uh, doesn't like uh, tasty foods, uh, it will be worthy.

✓ But if a person doesn't like sweet foods, it would not be a good choice.

'tasty foods' is vague; context likely 'sweet foods' or 'sweet tastes'. 'it will be worthy' is incorrect English; use 'it would not be a good choice' or 'it would not be suitable'. Suggestion: choose precise adjectives and appropriate evaluation phrases like 'a good choice'.