Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear and concise: start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I do), avoid unclear words and fragments, fix tense errors, and use linking words to connect ideas. Also limit to up to five sentences and give specific reasons. For example, mention a clear childhood memory and describe texture with correct grammar.

例: Yes, I do. Chocolate is my favorite treat because it tastes sweet and has a smooth, melt-in-the-mouth texture. When I was a child, my parents often gave me chocolate as a reward, so I grew up loving it. Because of these memories and the pleasant taste, I still enjoy it today.

提案: This answer is mostly clear but a bit repetitive. Begin with a concise frequency statement, then add a single specific reason using a linking word (e.g., because, so). Avoid repeating words like "often."

例: I usually eat chocolate about twice a week. I tend to have it after work because it helps me relax and gives me a small, enjoyable treat.

提案: Use correct past tense and a direct topic sentence. Provide one specific detail and use a linking word to connect cause and effect. Correct grammar for subject-verb agreement and time expressions.

例: Yes, I did. I ate chocolate frequently as a child because my mother used to buy lots of sweets for celebrations, especially during the Spring Festival.

提案: Give a clear main idea and two well-explained supporting reasons. Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., "widely popular," "tastes sweet," "melts in the mouth") and linking words (not only... but also...). Avoid vague phrases like "some occasion."

例: I think chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes sweet and melts in the mouth, which people enjoy. In addition, it is a convenient and well-received gift for special occasions like birthdays and holidays.

提案: Answer directly: state your current favourite and briefly compare with your past preference. Use correct vocabulary for flavours (milk chocolate, dark chocolate) and simple linking words for contrast (but, however).

例: When I was a child, I loved milk chocolate because it was very sweet. However, now I prefer dark chocolate because it has a richer flavor and is less sweet.

提案: Provide a clear opinion and two specific reasons, using correct vocabulary (e.g., "occasions," "popular," "easy to give"). Avoid unclear phrases like "easy to shine and capable." Keep it to a few concise sentences.

例: Yes, I think chocolate makes a great gift. It is popular and easy to give, and many people enjoy it, so it is suitable for occasions like birthdays and festivals.

× Yes, of course I do charge.

✓ Yes, of course I do.

The student used the extra word 'charge' which does not fit the sentence context. This is a sentence structure error (unnecessary word). Remove 'charge' to make a natural response: 'Yes, of course I do.' Suggestion: keep answers concise and avoid inserting unrelated words.

× A ****** when I was a child.

✓ I loved it when I was a child.

The original fragment lacks a subject and verb and contains censored text, causing a sentence structure error. Add a subject and verb to form a complete sentence. Suggestion: use 'I loved it when I was a child.' to express past preference.

× Not only it is sweet but also it is smooth melt in the mouth texture so I love it.

✓ Not only is it sweet but it also has a smooth, melt-in-the-mouth texture, so I love it.

Word order after 'not only' requires inversion ('Not only is it'), and 'but also' should pair with 'it also has'. 'Melt-in-the-mouth' is a hyphenated adjective modifying 'texture'. This is an incorrect use of conjunction and word order. Suggestion: invert after 'not only' and include hyphens for compound adjectives.

× I am a big fan of chocolate, so I often eat chocolate about twice a week.

✓ I am a big fan of chocolate, so I often eat it about twice a week.

Repetition of 'chocolate' is unnecessary; use pronoun 'it'. The tense is correct (present simple). This is a present tense/contextual clarity issue and pronoun usage; fix by replacing the second noun with 'it' for natural speech.

× I often eat it after finishing my work to relax myself.

✓ I often eat it after finishing my work to relax.

'Relax myself' is awkward in English; 'relax' suffices. This is a present tense usage nuance and incorrect use of reflexive pronoun. Suggestion: use 'to relax' or 'to relax myself' only in contexts where reflexive emphasis is needed, but 'to relax' is more natural here.

× I usually eat chocolate when I was a child because my mother often buy a lot of chocolate and other sweets, especially every Spring festival.

✓ I usually ate chocolate when I was a child because my mother often bought a lot of chocolate and other sweets, especially for the Spring Festival.

Mixing present tense 'usually eat' with past time 'when I was a child' is wrong. Verbs should be in past tense: 'ate' and 'bought'. Also use 'for the Spring Festival' and capitalize proper noun. This is a past tense issue and subject-verb agreement ('mother... bought'). Suggestion: keep past context consistent.

× Chocolate is popular over wide because it not only tests sweet softly and melt in the mouth texture, but also it is a good gift for friends in some occasion.

✓ Chocolate is popular worldwide because it not only tastes sweet and has a melt-in-the-mouth texture, but it is also a good gift for friends on some occasions.

Multiple errors: 'over wide' should be 'worldwide' (preposition/word choice), 'tests' should be 'tastes' (spelling/verb), 'melt in the mouth texture' needs hyphenation and a verb ('has a melt-in-the-mouth texture'), and 'in some occasion' should be 'on some occasions'. This covers incorrect prepositions and word choice. Suggestion: use 'worldwide', 'tastes', hyphenate compound adjectives, and use 'on' with occasions.

× Why was a child?

✓ When I was a child,

This fragment 'Why was a child?' is nonsensical in context; the student likely meant to refer to their childhood. It's a sentence structure error. Use 'When I was a child,' to introduce past preference.

× I really like mute chocolate because it is so sweet, but now I prefer dark chocolate because it's richer and less sweet.

✓ I really liked milk chocolate because it is so sweet, but now I prefer dark chocolate because it's richer and less sweet.

'Mute' is incorrect; the intended adjective is 'milk' as in 'milk chocolate' (word choice error). Also, since part refers to past preference, 'liked' fits 'when I was a child' context. This is an incorrect use of adjectives and tense. Suggestion: use 'milk chocolate' and match tense to context.

× Do you think it is good to use chocolate as gifts to others?

✓ Do you think it is good to give chocolate as a gift to others?

Use 'give' rather than 'use' when talking about presenting gifts. 'As gifts to others' is awkward; 'as a gift to others' or 'as gifts' is better. This is a modal/verb choice issue. Suggestion: say 'give chocolate as a gift'.

× Yes, of course, I often give chocolate to my friends and boyfriend on special auditions such as birthdays, festivals because they are easy to shine and capable.

✓ Yes, of course. I often give chocolate to my friends and my boyfriend on special occasions such as birthdays and festivals because chocolates are convenient gifts and appreciated.

Many incorrect words: 'auditions' should be 'occasions'; 'easy to shine and capable' is nonsensical. Replace with 'convenient gifts and appreciated' to convey meaning. This is a sentence structure and word choice error. Suggestion: use 'occasions' and describe why chocolates are suitable (convenient, appreciated).

× I believe everyone all love it.

✓ I believe everyone loves it.

'Everyone' is singular and requires singular verb 'loves'; 'all' is redundant. This is incorrect use of pronouns/subject-verb agreement. Suggestion: use 'everyone loves it' or 'all people love it' with 'love'.