Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more accurate, concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + reason), correct grammar (e.g. 'lift my mood' not 'leave my mood'), and avoid irrelevant or unclear phrases ('her working day', '**** me off'). Use one brief example linked with a linking word. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I like eating chocolate because it lifts my mood and helps me relax after a long day. For example, after a stressful day at work I often have a small piece of chocolate to cheer myself up.

提案: Answer directly and give a frequency (daily/weekly/etc.) then explain with a reason using linking words. Correct grammar and word choice (e.g. 'I eat chocolate when I feel exhausted or stressed, especially after a hard day at work'). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I usually eat chocolate a few times a week, mainly when I feel tired or stressed. For example, I often have some chocolate in the evening after a hard day at work to help me relax.

提案: Give a clear past-frequency statement, then explain briefly with specific detail. Fix grammar (e.g. 'I did' or 'Yes, I often ate chocolate as a child') and avoid unclear phrases ('Echo Glen'). Keep to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like 'but' or 'because'.

例: Yes, I often ate chocolate when I was a child, but my mother limited how much I could have because she worried it would harm my teeth and my health.

提案: Provide a structured answer with 2–3 clear reasons and examples, using linking words. Use precise vocabulary ('taste, tradition, affordability, marketing/packaging') and avoid vague phrases like 'Depends on tastes, brain'. Give one specific example of packaging or taste influence.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide for several reasons: it tastes good, it is affordable, and marketing/packaging makes it appealing. For example, attractive packaging and a smooth, sweet taste often persuade me to buy a new chocolate bar.

提案: Start with a direct statement of preference, then give 1–2 specific reasons using correct comparative forms ('sweeter', 'less bitter') and avoid repetition. Keep it concise and natural.

例: My favourite flavour is milk chocolate because it is sweeter and less bitter than dark chocolate. I also enjoy dairy flavours, so I prefer the creamy texture of milk chocolate.

提案: Answer clearly (Yes/It depends) and explain with specific conditions using correct grammar and linking words. Replace unclear terms ('hobbies person', 'foreign obesity person') with 'recipient's tastes or dietary restrictions'. Provide one short example.

例: It depends on the person. Chocolate can be a nice gift, but you should consider the recipient’s tastes and dietary restrictions—for example, avoid giving chocolate to someone who is diabetic or dislikes sweet foods.

× I really enjoy eating chocolate for many reasons. Firstly, it helps me to reduce stress and leave my mood.

✓ I really enjoy eating chocolate for many reasons. Firstly, it helps me reduce stress and improve my mood.

'helps me to reduce' is acceptable but more natural is 'helps me reduce'. 'leave my mood' is incorrect vocabulary and grammar — likely intended meaning is 'improve my mood'. Use 'improve' (a verb) with the object 'my mood' to convey the intended effect.

× For example, after her working day I often eat chocolate to reduce stress and **** me off.

✓ For example, after a hard day's work I often eat chocolate to reduce stress and cheer myself up.

'her working day' is wrong pronoun and structure; use 'a hard day's work' or 'my working day'. '**** me off' is inappropriate and ungrammatical here. To express becoming happier, use 'cheer myself up' (reflexive pronoun required). This fixes pronoun and verb phrase usage.

× I find it chocolate when I feel exhausted and stresses umm, especially after hard working day.

✓ I turn to chocolate when I feel exhausted and stressed, especially after a hard working day.

Original sentence has incorrect structure and word order. 'I find it chocolate' is ungrammatical; intended meaning is 'I turn to chocolate' or 'I crave chocolate'. 'stresses' should be the adjective 'stressed'. Add articles: 'a hard working day' -> 'a hard working day' or better 'a hard day at work'.

× Definitely yes. I have an Echo Glen as a trial.

✓ Definitely yes. I had an 'Echo Glen' as a treat.

Context asks about childhood (past), so use past tense 'had' not 'have'. 'Echo Glen' is unclear; likely 'a chocolate brand' or 'a treat'. 'as a trial' is awkward; use 'as a treat' to convey a special occasional item.

× However my mother didn't allow me to eat a lot of chocolate so because it's can harm my teeth and damage my health.

✓ However, my mother didn't allow me to eat a lot of chocolate because it can harm my teeth and damage my health.

Remove redundant 'so' and use 'it can' not 'it's can'. Use present tense 'can' to express general truth. Comma after 'However' improves flow.

× Chocolate is widespread nowadays. Depends on tastes, brain and packaging.

✓ Chocolate is widespread nowadays. Its popularity depends on taste, branding, and packaging.

'Depends on tastes, brain and packaging' lacks a subject and uses 'brain' incorrectly. Add subject 'Its popularity' and replace 'brain' with 'branding' or 'marketing' to make sense. Use singular 'taste' or 'tastes' consistently.

× For example, I often be abelling by the packaging and the tastes of chocolate.

✓ For example, I am often attracted by the packaging and the taste of chocolate.

'be abelling' is ungrammatical. Use 'am often attracted' or 'am swayed' to convey being influenced. Use 'taste' (singular) for general preference and remove redundant 'the' before 'packaging' only if needed.

× My favorite chocolate is milk chocolate because it is more sweeties and not bitter than the dark chocolate.

✓ My favorite chocolate is milk chocolate because it is sweeter and less bitter than dark chocolate.

Use comparative adjectives: 'sweeter' not 'more sweeties' (which is wrong form and 'sweeties' is a noun). Use 'less bitter' for negative comparison. Remove unnecessary article 'the' before 'dark chocolate' when speaking generally.

× Also I really love dairy products so milk chocolate chocolate is my favorite.

✓ Also, I really love dairy products, so milk chocolate is my favorite.

Remove duplicated word 'chocolate chocolate'. Add commas for clarity. 'milk chocolate' correctly refers to the type.

× I think it depends on the hobbies person because if you give chocolate foreign obesity person or they doesn't like sugar products it will not good.

✓ I think it depends on the person's preferences because if you give chocolate to someone who is obese or doesn't like sugary products, it will not be appropriate.

Original has multiple pronoun and word-order errors: 'hobbies person' should be 'person's preferences'. Add 'to' after 'give chocolate'. Replace 'foreign obesity person' with 'someone who is obese'. Use 'doesn't' with singular 'who doesn't', and add 'be' in 'will not be appropriate'. Also 'sugary products' is a better phrase than 'sugar products'.