Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid redundant phrases and incorrect structures (e.g., “as a sweet person” and “sweet to it”).

例: Yes, I love chocolate. I especially enjoy dark chocolate because its slight bitterness balances sweetness, which I find relaxing. For example, after a long day at work I often have a small piece to lift my mood.

提案: Give a clearer frequency expression and structure the answer: state how often, then give reasons and an example using linking words like “because” or “for example.” Fix grammar (e.g., “whenever I’m stressed”).

例: I eat chocolate occasionally, about once or twice a week, especially when I’m stressed. For example, I often have a small bar with salty crackers after studying because the sweet-and-salty combination cheers me up.

提案: Use past tense consistently and remove fillers. Start with a direct answer, then give a specific reason and brief supporting detail. Correct grammatical errors (e.g., “I always ate chocolate,” “my grandparents had a store”).

例: Yes, I often ate chocolate as a child because my grandparents owned a small shop that sold sweets. Since I lived with them, I had easy access to chocolate and would try different types after school.

提案: Express the idea clearly: give a reason and support with a brief explanation or example. Avoid unclear words and incorrect forms (e.g., “after you ate 8,” “younger ones”). Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

例: I think chocolate is popular because it produces pleasure and comfort when people eat it. For example, many people buy chocolate to celebrate special occasions or to cheer up children, which increases its global demand.

提案: Be concise and avoid contradictory phrases (“although it tastes better than milk chocolate” then “but I love”). Start with a clear statement, give two specific reasons, and include a short example or preference detail. Use linking words like “because” and “and.”

例: My favourite flavour is dark chocolate because I enjoy its mild bitterness and less sweetness compared with milk chocolate. I often eat it with almonds, which adds a nice crunchy contrast.

提案: Give a balanced opinion with a clear topic sentence, then support it with reasons and a recommendation. Avoid fillers and awkward phrasing (e.g., “lessen the sweet”); use precise language like “limit chocolate for children because of cavities.”

例: Yes, chocolate can be a good gift for adults because many people enjoy it, but I would limit it for young children. For example, choose smaller portions or sugar-free options for kids to reduce the risk of cavities.

× Oh, I love chocolate because as a sweet person or sweet to it, I fond of eating chocolate that gives me a relaxing and enjoyable feeling and it brings me happiness whenever I eat chocolate, especially the dark one.

✓ Oh, I love chocolate because, as someone with a sweet tooth, I am fond of eating chocolate; it gives me a relaxing and enjoyable feeling and brings me happiness whenever I eat it, especially dark chocolate.

The sentence uses incorrect adjective/adverb forms and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'sweet person or sweet to it', 'I fond'). Use 'someone with a sweet tooth' as the correct idiom, 'I am fond of' for correct verb phrase, and 'it' or 'dark chocolate' instead of 'the dark one'. Also restructure with proper punctuation to improve clarity. Suggestion: Replace nonstandard expressions with common idioms, use 'am' for linking verb, and use 'it' or the noun rather than 'one' for clarity.

× I sometimes eat chocolate whenever I stressed or whenever I'm craving for sweets and pair it with some salty crackers which it makes me feel happy whenever I eat.

✓ I sometimes eat chocolate when I am stressed or craving sweets, and I pair it with some salty crackers, which makes me feel happy when I eat them.

Mixed and incorrect tense forms: 'whenever I stressed' needs present continuous 'when I am stressed'; 'whenever I'm craving for sweets' should be 'craving sweets' (no 'for'); 'and pair it' lacks subject 'I'; 'which it makes' is ungrammatical—use 'which makes'. Also make pronouns agree ('them' for crackers). Suggestion: Use consistent present tense forms and include the subject for verbs; avoid unnecessary 'for' after 'craving'.

× I guess I am uh, always eat chocolate when I was a child because I have a grandparents that have a store that umm sell chocolates and I am staying with them and I have easy access to it.

✓ I guess I always ate chocolate when I was a child because my grandparents had a store that sold chocolates, and I stayed with them so I had easy access to it.

Tense inconsistency: past context ('when I was a child') requires past tense verbs ('ate', 'had', 'sold', 'stayed', 'had'). 'I have a grandparents' is incorrect article and number—use 'my grandparents'. Suggestion: Match verb tenses to the time frame being discussed (past for childhood) and correct articles/pronouns.

× I think chocolate is popular because of its umm the feeling of satisfy or the happiness that it gives after you ate 8 and it brings joy especially to this younger ones.

✓ I think chocolate is popular because of the feeling of satisfaction or happiness it gives after you eat it, and it brings joy especially to younger people.

Use correct noun form 'satisfaction' instead of 'satisfy'; maintain present tense 'you eat' rather than past 'you ate' when making general statements; remove extraneous '8'; use 'younger people' instead of 'this younger ones'. Suggestion: Use noun forms for 'feeling of X', keep general statements in present tense, and use correct plural noun phrases for people.

× Oh I love dark chocolate, although it tastes better than milk chocolate. But I love dark chocolate because it's just neutral and I like the bitterness of it. And pair it with some nuts.

✓ Oh, I love dark chocolate; it tastes better than milk chocolate. I love dark chocolate because it's more neutral and I like its bitterness. I also pair it with some nuts.

Punctuation and comparative phrasing: 'although it tastes better than milk chocolate' should not be isolated with contradicting connectors; use 'more neutral' rather than 'just neutral' for comparison. 'I like the bitterness of it' is better expressed as 'I like its bitterness'. 'And pair it' lacks subject—use 'I also pair it'. Suggestion: Use proper sentence boundaries, include the subject for each clause, and use possessive pronoun for flavors.

× I guess for your loved ones it is umm, good, but for children I would advise to uh lessen the sweet or the chocolate because they are prone to cavities or to resort to a tooth decay. So for a young adult it would be best.

✓ I guess for your loved ones it is fine, but for children I would advise reducing sweets or chocolate because they are prone to cavities and tooth decay. So for a young adult it would be best.

Article and word choice errors: 'lessen the sweet or the chocolate' is incorrect—use 'reducing sweets or chocolate'; 'a tooth decay' is incorrect—use 'tooth decay' without an article; 'it is umm, good' better as 'it is fine'. Also 'prone to cavities or to resort to a tooth decay' is ungrammatical—use 'prone to cavities and tooth decay'. Suggestion: Use uncountable medical nouns without 'a', choose appropriate verbs like 'reduce', and simplify filler words.