Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is quite long and a bit repetitive. Try to make your response more concise and avoid repeating the same ideas. Also, use linking words to connect your points smoothly. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then add supporting details with linking words like 'because' or 'also'.

例: I don't like singing because I'm not confident in my voice. Also, I haven't had any training, and I feel too timid to sing in front of others.

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains some repetition. Try to organize your response with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Avoid filler words like 'uh' and incomplete sentences. Use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: Yes, I learned how to sing in primary school. However, I was very shy and didn't perform well, but I still remember some of the techniques I was taught.

提案: Your answer is good but can be improved by avoiding filler words like 'umm' and by making your sentences more concise. Also, try to use more precise vocabulary and linking words to connect your ideas.

例: I would like to sing for someone I love because I feel comfortable with them. Singing for them would be very meaningful to me.

提案: Your answer has good content but is a bit repetitive and wordy. Try to express your ideas more clearly and avoid repeating the same words. Use linking words to make your answer flow better.

例: Yes, I believe singing brings happiness because music conveys emotions and helps people share their feelings, which creates a sense of connection.

× Actually I don't like singing but I enjoy listening to music because I'm not good at it and and there's another point, my voice is kind of weird and I haven't trained same before so also I'm too timid to sing and I'm not confident with my voice.

✓ Actually, I don't like singing, but I enjoy listening to music because I'm not good at it. Also, there's another point: my voice is kind of weird, and I haven't trained the same before. Also, I'm too timid to sing, and I'm not confident with my voice.

The original sentence contains repeated conjunctions ('and and') and lacks proper punctuation, which causes run-on sentences and confusion. Using commas, periods, and conjunctions correctly improves clarity and sentence structure.

× I haven't trained same before

✓ I haven't trained the same before

The phrase 'trained same' is incorrect because 'same' requires a determiner like 'the' to be grammatically correct. The correct phrase is 'trained the same'.

× I'm not confident with my voice.

✓ I'm not confident in my voice.

The correct preposition to use with 'confident' is 'in' rather than 'with'. Saying 'confident in my voice' is the standard expression.

× I had singing class, but I didn't perform well at that time because I was a very shy boy and I was not willing to open my mouth and I wasn't, and I wasn't able to sing well, but I learned how to sing before.

✓ I had singing class, but I didn't perform well at that time because I was a very shy boy and was not willing to open my mouth. I wasn't able to sing well, but I had learned how to sing before.

The sentence has redundant phrases and awkward repetition ('I wasn't, and I wasn't able'). Also, 'learned' should be in past perfect ('had learned') to indicate an action completed before another past action. Breaking the sentence into clearer parts improves readability.

× But I still remember some of their knowledge and.

✓ But I still remember some of their knowledge.

The sentence ends with 'and' without completing the thought, which is a sentence structure error. Removing the trailing 'and' completes the sentence properly.

× Who do you want to sing for?

✓ Whom do you want to sing for?

In formal English, 'whom' is the correct object pronoun to use after a preposition like 'for'. However, in spoken English, 'who' is commonly used and acceptable.

× maybe someone I love because if I had to sing, I need to sing to someone I feel comfortable with, so it must be my beloved 1.

✓ Maybe someone I love because if I had to sing, I would need to sing to someone I feel comfortable with, so it must be my beloved one.

The phrase 'my beloved 1' is incorrect; '1' should be spelled out as 'one'. Also, 'I need' should be 'I would need' to match the conditional 'if I had to sing'.

× And this is the reason why I should sing a song.

✓ This is the reason why I should sing a song.

Starting a sentence with 'And' is generally discouraged in formal writing. Removing 'And' improves sentence formality and clarity.

× And what's more, singing for them is quite meaningful to me.

✓ What's more, singing for them is quite meaningful to me.

Similarly, starting with 'And' is unnecessary and can be omitted for better style.

× Yes, I think that singing can bring happiness to people because music is a means of conveying some emotions, especially it can resonate with people, especially in feelings and convey those feelings that people are currently have and share their own feelings.

✓ Yes, I think that singing can bring happiness to people because music is a means of conveying emotions. It can especially resonate with people’s feelings and convey those feelings that people currently have and share their own feelings.

The original sentence is long and repetitive with awkward phrasing ('especially it can resonate', 'especially in feelings', 'people are currently have'). Breaking it into clearer sentences and correcting verb forms ('are currently have' to 'currently have') improves clarity and grammar.