Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to reduce filler words such as 'uh' and 'umm' to make your answer sound more natural and fluent. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by specific supporting details using linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I enjoy singing because it helps me relax and unwind. For instance, after a stressful day at work, singing or listening to music helps me calm down and sleep better.

提案: Your answer is clear but could be improved by using more precise vocabulary and linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Avoid redundancy and try to be more concise.

例: Yes, I once taught myself to sing, but I realized my skills were not as good as others. Therefore, I decided not to pursue singing professionally and instead focused on my true passion.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains confusing phrases like 'Her relics or self-made relics.' Try to express your ideas clearly and use relevant vocabulary. Also, keep your answer concise and coherent with linking words.

例: I would love to sing for my mother because she makes me feel safe and comfortable. In the future, I hope to perform a song that I have written myself just for her.

提案: Avoid excessive filler words and unclear phrases like 'the Brad background music.' Use clear and precise vocabulary and link your ideas logically to make your answer more effective.

例: Definitely, singing can bring happiness because comforting lyrics combined with soft background music can uplift people's moods, especially when they feel sad or depressed.

× Yes, I would love to sing because uh, uh, singing helps me, umm, uh, make me more uh, relaxed and umm, I try to unwind myself during the process.

✓ Yes, I would love to sing because uh, uh, singing helps me, umm, uh, to make me more uh, relaxed and umm, I try to unwind myself during the process.

The verb 'make' after 'helps me' should be in the infinitive form 'to make' to correctly follow the verb 'help' in this context.

× Yes, I tried to teach myself how to sing, but at one point of time I got to know that my singing was not that good compared to others and this is not a field that I want to pursue or take it as a professional.

✓ Yes, I tried to teach myself how to sing, but at one point in time I got to know that my singing was not that good compared to others and this is not a field that I want to pursue or take as a profession.

The phrase 'at one point of time' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'at one point in time'. Also, 'take it as a professional' is incorrect; it should be 'take as a profession' to properly express pursuing a career.

× So I stopped teaching myself and started to focus on the real thing that I want to be.

✓ So I stopped teaching myself and started to focus on the real thing that I want to become.

The phrase 'the real thing that I want to be' is awkward; 'want to become' is more appropriate when referring to a goal or profession.

× I would love to sing for my mother because having her around me makes me feel very safe soon and I feel very comfortable around her.

✓ I would love to sing for my mother because having her around me makes me feel very safe and I feel very comfortable around her.

The word 'soon' is incorrectly used here; it does not fit the context and should be removed.

× So I would like to sing a song for her in the future with my own. Her relics or self-made relics.

✓ So I would like to sing a song for her in the future with my own lyrics or self-made melodies.

The phrase 'with my own. Her relics or self-made relics.' is unclear and fragmented. It likely intends to say 'with my own lyrics or self-made melodies' to express singing original songs.

× Definitely singing can bring happiness to people because umm uh, putting a very uh comforting uh, words in the music and the Brad uh, background music with very soft umm uh, uh, uh tune, uh, helps make people feel happiness.

✓ Definitely singing can bring happiness to people because putting very comforting words in the music and the broad background music with a very soft tune helps make people feel happy.

The word 'comforting' should modify 'words' without 'a' before it. 'Brad' is a mispronunciation of 'broad'. 'Feel happiness' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'feel happy'.