Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn cần rõ ràng và mạch lạc hơn. Bạn nên sử dụng cấu trúc câu đơn giản, tránh lỗi ngữ pháp và từ vựng không chính xác như 'delivery my message from my son to my to everyone'. Hãy tập trung vào việc diễn đạt ý tưởng một cách tự nhiên và hiệu quả, đồng thời giới hạn câu trả lời trong 3-5 câu.

例: Yes, I really enjoy singing because it allows me to express my emotions and escape from daily stress. When I sing, I feel relaxed and happy, as if I am in a magical world. Singing helps me share my feelings with others and brings me great joy.

提案: Bạn cần cải thiện cách diễn đạt để câu trả lời trở nên rõ ràng và logic hơn. Tránh sử dụng những cụm từ không chính xác như 'I am a person not seeing' hay 'to make my person'. Hãy sử dụng các liên từ để kết nối ý và cung cấp chi tiết cụ thể hơn về việc học hát.

例: Yes, I have taken singing lessons because I want to improve my voice. I practice regularly to become a better singer, and I enjoy sharing my songs with my family, who always support and encourage me.

提案: Câu trả lời cần được tổ chức tốt hơn và tránh lặp từ như 'for uh, for'. Bạn nên sử dụng các liên từ để làm cho câu trả lời mạch lạc và cung cấp lý do cụ thể hơn về việc bạn muốn hát cho ai.

例: I want to sing for the people who matter most to me, such as my family, friends, and cousins. They always support me, give me advice, and never leave my side, so singing for them is very meaningful.

提案: Bạn nên sử dụng cấu trúc câu rõ ràng hơn và tránh sử dụng từ ngữ không chính xác như 'at a long hour of working day'. Hãy dùng các liên từ để kết nối ý và cung cấp ví dụ cụ thể về cách hát giúp mọi người hạnh phúc.

例: Yes, I believe singing is a great way to bring happiness, especially after a long day at work. Singing together helps people strengthen their relationships and feel more comfortable, making the day more enjoyable and fun.

× I have a passion on singing because when I sing I feel like I immerse myself in a magic world and I want to delivery my message from my son to my to everyone and on top of that I feel very unwind and love.

✓ I have a passion for singing because when I sing I feel like I immerse myself in a magical world and I want to deliver my message from my song to everyone and on top of that I feel very relaxed and loved.

The preposition 'on' should be 'for' after 'passion'. 'Magic' should be 'magical' as an adjective describing 'world'. 'Delivery' is a noun; the verb form 'deliver' is needed. 'Son' is likely a typo for 'song'. 'Unwind' is a verb; the adjective 'relaxed' fits better here. 'Love' should be 'loved' to express feeling loved.

× Yes, of course, because I feel like I am a person not seeing, not very good. So I always have to practice to make my voice better, to make my person, to hear my son relax and love my song too.

✓ Yes, of course, because I feel like I am a person not singing very well. So I always have to practice to make my voice better, to improve myself, to help my song relax and be loved too.

'Not seeing' is incorrect; likely meant 'not singing'. 'Make my person' is unclear; 'improve myself' is better. 'Hear my son relax and love my song' is unclear; corrected to 'help my song relax and be loved' to convey intended meaning.

× I want to sing for uh, for people who are important for me, especially my family, my friends, my cousin because they are the person who love me to sing and give me any advice and not left me.

✓ I want to sing for people who are important to me, especially my family, my friends, and my cousins because they are the people who love me singing, give me advice, and never leave me.

Use 'important to me' instead of 'important for me'. 'My cousin' should be plural 'my cousins' to match context. 'They are the person' should be 'they are the people'. 'Love me to sing' is incorrect; 'love me singing' is better. 'Give me any advice' should be 'give me advice'. 'Not left me' should be 'never leave me'.

× Well, I think singing is one of the best way to bring happiness to people at a long hour of working day, uh, when singing people uh, strengthen our bonds and feel like comfortable together and make enjoyable fun day with them.

✓ Well, I think singing is one of the best ways to bring happiness to people after a long hour of working during the day. When singing, people strengthen our bonds, feel comfortable together, and have an enjoyable, fun day with each other.

'One of the best way' should be 'one of the best ways' (plural). 'At a long hour of working day' is awkward; 'after a long hour of working during the day' is clearer. 'When singing people' needs a comma after 'singing'. 'Feel like comfortable' should be 'feel comfortable'. 'Make enjoyable fun day' should be 'have an enjoyable, fun day'. 'With them' changed to 'with each other' for clarity.