Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 句子需要更自然和准确。回答应直接且简洁地给出观点，然后用1–2个具体细节支撑。注意语法（例如“after hard working”应为“after hard work”或“after a hard day”），避免填充词（如“umm”，“well”）和不连贯表达（如“play TV”）。可用连接词（e.g. because, so, for example）使表达更连贯。

例: Yes, I enjoy singing because it helps me relax after a hard day at work. For example, on weekends my friends and I sometimes sing karaoke together, which lets me forget stress and feel refreshed.

提案: 表达不清且语法错误较多。应直接回答是否学过，然后说明学习方式并举例。避免重复和口头语，使用准确词汇（e.g. “formally”而不是“systematically”可能更自然；“seniors”替代“uppers”）。结尾不要以问句收尾。

例: To be honest, I haven't taken formal singing lessons. I learned mostly on my own by watching TV programs and online tutorials from experienced singers, which has been enough for me to improve and enjoy singing.

提案: 意思表达基本清楚，但句子结构和时态需要改进。先给主题句（I want to sing for my mother），然后具体说明原因并用连词连接。避免重复（如“I when I when I”）并修正语法（如“she will encourage me that”改为“she encourages me and tells me I can do better”）。

例: I would like to sing for my mother because she always supports me. For example, when I lose a game she encourages me and reminds me I did my best, so singing for her is my way of thanking her.

提案: 观点明确但表述重复且有语法问题。开头可直接给出观点，随后用具体原因和例子支持，避免重复同一词。注意短语用法（例如“after a busy day at work”而不是“with hard working”）。

例: Yes, I think singing can bring people a lot of happiness because it lifts the mood and reduces stress. For example, after a busy day at work I often go to karaoke with friends to unwind and feel happier.

× I do enjoy singing because it can make me relax, especially after hard working.

✓ I do enjoy singing because it can make me relaxed, especially after hard work.

句中“make me relax”用法不太自然，英语中通常用“make sb. + adjective”表达使某人处于某种状态，故改为“make me relaxed”。另外“hard working”作为形容词通常指人，表示“勤奋的”，此处应使用名词短语“hard work”表示“辛苦工作”。建议：把“hard working”改为“hard work”，并使用“make me relaxed”或更自然的“help me relax”。

× For example, during weekends I usually go to play TV with my friends.

✓ For example, during weekends I usually go to karaoke with my friends.

原句“go to play TV”结构不正确且含义不明。根据上下文说唱歌、卡拉OK，应使用短语“go to karaoke”或“go to sing at karaoke”。建议：将不自然的短语替换为正确表达，如“go to karaoke”。

× Umm well silly, I can free myself and to feel energetic again.

✓ Umm, well, simply, I can free myself and feel energetic again.

句中“silly”用法不恰当，影响意思；此外“and to feel”中不应有不定式标记“to”，并且并列动词应保持形式一致，故改为“and feel”。建议：用“simply”或直接去掉“silly”，并把“to feel”改为“feel”。

× All to be honest, I didn't learn how to say systematically.

✓ All in all, to be honest, I didn't learn how to sing systematically.

原句多处错误：“All to be honest”应为“All in all, to be honest”或直接“To be honest”；“say”用错，应为“sing”；“systematically”放置正确，但整体需调整语序。建议：使用固定短语“to be honest”并把“say”改为“sing”。

× I I learned it by myself and also through some uh, TV programs or some videos by some uppers.

✓ I learned it by myself and also through some TV programs or videos by more experienced singers.

原句有重复“I I”，应删除重复；“videos by some uppers”表述错误，“uppers”不是常用词，应改为“more experienced singers”或“seniors”。建议：删除重复词，使用规范表达如“more experienced singers”。

× It is enough for me, I think. Can it can help me recharge myself?

✓ It is enough for me, I think. It can help me recharge myself.

原句第二句“Can it can help me recharge myself?”语序和助动词重复错误。问句形式不符合上下文（陈述），应使用陈述句“It can help me recharge myself.”。建议：去掉重复的“can”并改为陈述句或根据需要改为“Can it help me recharge me?”作为疑问句。

× I want to sing for my mother is how she really gives me lots of support.

✓ I want to sing for my mother because she really gives me lots of support.

原句有代词/连接词使用错误和结构混乱，“is how”不合适，应使用连接词“because”引导原因状语从句。建议：用“because”连接原因，保持句子完整。

× For example when I when I lost my game she will encourage me that I can do better next time and I have done very good this time.

✓ For example, when I lost a game she would encourage me that I could do better next time and that I had done well this time.

句中重复“when I when I”；时态混用不当，应与过去情境一致：过去发生时用过去时态（lost, would encourage/could, had done/well）。“very good”作状语不准确，应改为副词“well”。建议：删除重复，统一使用过去时，使用“well”而非“good”。

× So I really want to sing for her to show.

✓ So I really want to sing for her to show my appreciation.

句子末尾“to show”不完整，缺少宾语。为表达“给她唱歌以示感谢”，补全为“to show my appreciation”。建议：补全不完整的动词短语，明确目的。

× Yes, I believe that's anything with real lots of happiness to people because it can lift our mood and relieve, relieve, relieve our stress.

✓ Yes, I believe that singing brings a lot of real happiness to people because it can lift our mood and relieve our stress.

原句结构混乱，“that's anything with real lots of happiness to people”不合语法，应改为“singing brings a lot of real happiness to people”。另外“relieve, relieve, relieve”重复无意义，应保留一次“relieve”。建议：简化表达，使用固定搭配“bring happiness to someone / relieve stress”。

× For example, after a busy day with hard working, I will go to karaoke with my friends to relax.

✓ For example, after a busy day of hard work, I go to karaoke with my friends to relax.

“after a busy day with hard working”中“hard working”用法错误，应为“hard work”。句子中时态应与一般习惯性动作一致，使用一般现在时“I go”或也可用“I will go”表达将来/打算，但上下文为习惯性行为，用一般现在时更合适。建议：将“hard working”改为“hard work”，并根据语境使用一般现在时表示习惯。