Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with simple linking words. Avoid repetition and awkward phrasing (e.g. "reconciles many other type of refreshment"). Use precise vocabulary like "relaxes," "lifts my mood," or "helps me concentrate." Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I love singing because it relaxes me and lifts my mood. For example, after a stressful day singing helps me calm down and concentrate on my work.

提案: Give a clear direct answer and avoid repetition. Use one concise sentence stating whether you had formal lessons, followed by a brief supporting detail. Use linking words like "but" or "so" correctly. Correct grammar: "learned by myself" → "taught myself" or "self-taught."

例: I’m self-taught; I learned to sing at home without formal lessons, so I mostly practiced by listening to recordings and imitating the singers.

提案: Be specific and organize your answer. Start with the main point (who you sing for), then give one or two brief clarifications. Avoid listing religious figures awkwardly—keep respectful concise phrasing. Use linking words like "and" or "also" to connect ideas and avoid redundancy.

例: I mainly sing for myself because it helps me relax, and I also sing songs dedicated to my family and for religious devotion. For instance, I often sing gentle songs for my parents or spiritual hymns on special occasions.

提案: This answer is clear and well-developed but can be tightened. Start with a topic sentence, then give two linked, specific effects with an example. Use linking words such as "because," "also," and "for example" to structure points. Avoid repeating similar ideas like "relaxes" and "relieves stress"—combine them succinctly.

例: Yes, I believe singing brings happiness because it helps people relax and express their emotions. For example, after a long day I sing to unwind, and it lifts my mood and makes me more energetic and focused.

× Yeah, I like singing very much because it refreshes and nourishes our mind and it gives us a feeling that reconciles many other type of refreshment and it clears our mind and we can do many things.

✓ Yeah, I like singing very much because it refreshes and nourishes our mind, gives us a feeling that surpasses many other types of refreshment, clears our mind, and helps us do many things.

The original mixes singular and plural references and repeats subjects unnaturally. 'Many other type' should be 'many other types' (plural) and the repeated 'it' before verbs is unnecessary. Also 'reconciles' is incorrect in this context; 'surpasses' or 'is better than' fits. Use parallel structure when listing verbs: 'refreshes..., gives..., clears..., and helps...'. Suggestion: make nouns and verbs agree in number and use parallel verb forms.

× Actually, I have learned how to sing by myself, but I didn't go and do any tuition or other places to learn how to sing.

✓ Actually, I learned how to sing by myself, but I didn't go to any classes or other places to learn how to sing.

Mixing present perfect 'have learned' with a simple past clause 'didn't go' is acceptable in some contexts but here simple past 'learned' is clearer. 'Do any tuition' is ungrammatical; English uses 'take tuition' or 'attend classes'. Use 'go to any classes' or 'take any lessons'. Suggestion: keep consistent past tense and use natural collocations like 'attend classes' or 'take lessons'.

× But I have learned it in my home myself and I think that I think pretty good.

✓ But I learned it at home by myself, and I think I'm pretty good.

Redundant phrases 'I have learned it in my home myself' and repeated 'I think that I think' create poor structure. Use 'at home' rather than 'in my home' for natural phrasing and 'by myself' after the verb. Use contraction or full form 'I am pretty good' for clarity. Suggestion: remove redundancy and use natural adverb placement: 'learned it at home by myself'.

× Actually, basically I think for myself and also the songs that dedicated mother, father, family and my Lord Allah, Subhanahu Ta'ala and Mohammed Salah, I like to sing that kind of song and hear that kind of song.

✓ Actually, basically I sing for myself, and I also sing songs dedicated to my mother, father, family, my Lord Allah Subhanahu Ta'ala, and the Prophet Muhammad; I like to sing and listen to those kinds of songs.

Original has incorrect preposition use ('think for myself' instead of 'sing for myself') and confusing word order. 'Songs that dedicated mother...' lacks verb; should be 'songs dedicated to...'. 'Mohammed Salah' likely intended 'the Prophet Muhammad'—ensure respectful and accurate reference. Use plural 'those kinds of songs' for agreement. Suggestion: use 'dedicated to' for dedicatory phrases and place verbs correctly: 'I sing for myself'.

× Yeah, I think because sometimes it helps us to relax and express our feelings.

✓ Yeah, I think so because sometimes it helps us relax and express our feelings.

The phrase 'helps us to relax' is not incorrect, but 'helps us relax' is more natural in spoken English. Also add 'so' after 'I think' for fluency. Suggestion: prefer shorter infinitive without 'to' after 'help' in informal speech: 'helps us relax'.

× Also, it energizes us.

✓ It also energizes us.

Placement of 'also' is better before the verb for natural word order in this short sentence. Pronoun use is fine otherwise. Suggestion: place adverbs like 'also' in the common position: 'It also energizes us.'.

× It relieves stress and improves our mood.

✓ It relieves stress and improves our mood.

This sentence is correct; no change needed. 'Relieves stress' and 'improves mood' are natural collocations. No quantifier error. Suggestion: none.

× Like when I sing after a long day, I feel more focused and ready to get things done.

✓ When I sing after a long day, I feel more focused and ready to get things done.

Starting with 'Like' is informal and unnecessary in this context. Removing it makes the sentence more concise and grammatically standard. Suggestion: avoid filler 'like' at beginning of formal responses; start with 'When'.