Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, avoid filler words (e.g., 'umm'), and use correct grammar and verb forms. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. For example, correct tense and word forms: "relaxing ourselves" → "to relax" and "the inner feeling can be expressed" → "I can express my feelings."

例: Yes, I enjoy singing because it helps me relax and express my emotions. For example, when I sing with friends, we feel closer and it lightens my mood, so I often sing to relieve stress.

提案: Improve sentence accuracy and reduce repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas and be specific about what you learned. Correct articles and verb forms ("At that classes" → "In those classes"; avoid repeating words like 'it it').

例: Yes, I have. In primary school I took music classes where the teacher taught us basic vocal techniques, such as breathing and pitch control. I enjoyed those lessons because they were both interesting and fun.

提案: Be more natural and concise. Avoid repeating the same idea and filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence and give one specific reason. Use pronouns correctly ("sing for myself" is fine) and restructure for fluency.

例: I usually sing for myself because singing helps me relax and express my emotions. For instance, after a stressful day I sing quietly at home to calm down and reflect.

提案: Clarify and be more specific. Replace vague phrases ("through the source") with clear expressions, and avoid fillers. Use linking words (e.g., 'for example', 'also') andGive a concise example of how singing brings happiness.

例: Yes, I think singing can bring happiness. For example, when a singer performs a joyful song, the audience often feels uplifted and may sing along, which creates a shared sense of joy.

× Yes I do, I like singing because I think it's a good way to umm, relaxing ourselves and while singing our inner stress and the inner feeling can be expressed smoothly.

✓ Yes I do. I like singing because I think it's a good way to relax ourselves, and while singing our inner stress and inner feelings can be expressed smoothly.

The phrase 'a good way to umm, relaxing ourselves' uses an -ing form where the infinitive is required after 'a good way to'. Use the base verb 'relax' after 'to'. Also 'the inner feeling' should be plural 'inner feelings' to match 'stress' and generalize the idea. Use a comma or period to separate clauses for clarity.

× Also singing with my friend is a good experience.

✓ Also, singing with my friends is a good experience.

If the speaker refers to more than one friend or unspecified friends, plural 'friends' is natural. Even if it's a single friend, adding a determiner ('my friend') is fine but context suggests plural. Also add a comma after 'Also' for fluency. This fixes number agreement and natural collocation.

× Yes, I have. When I was at my primary school I had music classes.

✓ Yes, I have. When I was in primary school, I had music classes.

Use 'in primary school' rather than 'at my primary school' for natural English. Add a comma after the introductory time clause. Tense 'had' is correct for past events; change preposition for idiomatic usage.

× At that classes teacher would teach us how to sing properly and I love to have this kind of class because I think it it was very interesting and enjoyable.

✓ In those classes, the teacher would teach us how to sing properly, and I loved having that kind of class because I thought it was very interesting and enjoyable.

Several errors: 'At that classes' is incorrect—use 'In those classes'. 'Teacher' needs the definite article 'the'. 'Would teach' is acceptable for repeated past action, but 'I love to have this kind of class' mixes present with past context; change to past 'I loved having' and 'I thought' to maintain past tense. Remove duplicate 'it'. Use commas to separate clauses.

× Actually, I just want to sing for myself because every time I want to sing just to relax myself and to express my inner feelings through, uh, singing a song.

✓ Actually, I just want to sing for myself because every time I sing I just want to relax and express my inner feelings through singing.

Avoid repeating reflexive pronouns unnecessarily: 'relax myself' is better as 'relax'. 'Every time I want to sing just to relax myself' is awkward; use 'every time I sing I just want to relax'. 'Singing a song' is redundant—'through singing' is sufficient. Reorder for clarity and naturalness.

× So I prefer to sing myself.

✓ So I prefer to sing for myself.

The original 'sing myself' can imply performing an action on oneself; use 'sing for myself' to express singing for one's own enjoyment. This corrects reflexive/pronoun usage and clarifies meaning.

× Yes, of course. I think singing is a good way to, uh, share happiness with people, uh, through the source.

✓ Yes, of course. I think singing is a good way to share happiness with people through music.

The phrase 'through the source' is unclear and unnatural. Replace with 'through music'. Also remove filler 'uh' in formal correction. 'Share' is correct as base verb after 'a good way to'.

× Uh, people can feel the singers feeling and also sometimes they can umm, echo with this feeling.

✓ People can feel the singer's feelings and sometimes they can empathize with these feelings.

Use the possessive apostrophe in 'singer's' and plural 'feelings'. 'Echo with this feeling' is unnatural; replace with 'empathize with these feelings' which accurately conveys shared emotional response. Remove filler words for clarity.