Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid repetition and filler words like 'I, I, I' and 'cause'. Also, use more natural expressions and keep your answer concise within 5 sentences. For example, start with a clear topic sentence and then add specific details about your recent purchases.

例: Yes, I really enjoy buying shoes and do it quite often. Recently, I purchased a pair of Coach shoes and Nike Jordans, which I find both stylish and comfortable.

提案: Avoid hesitation and repeated words like 'there was, there was'. Use linking words to make your answer coherent. Also, describe the shoes more clearly and keep the answer natural and concise.

例: Yes, I bought shoes online last month during a New Balance sale. The sneakers had a red logo on a white background, and I got them at a 50% discount, which was a great deal.

提案: Your answer is a bit unclear and contradictory. Try to directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence, then add specific details about your spending habits. Avoid vague phrases and improve sentence structure for clarity.

例: I usually spend a moderate amount on shoes, depending on the brand and style. Although I buy shoes often, I try to keep my spending within a reasonable budget.

提案: Good attempt to explain your preference. To improve, use linking words like 'because' and 'also' more effectively, and avoid redundancy such as 'even in my school and even at the parties'. Keep sentences concise and clear.

例: I prefer shoes that are both fashionable and comfortable because comfortable shoes help me perform well at work, and fashionable shoes attract positive attention from my friends and at social events.

× I do like buying shoes a lot.

✓ I do like to buy shoes a lot.

The verb 'like' can be followed by either the gerund (-ing form) or the infinitive (to + base verb). However, in this context, 'like to buy' is more appropriate to express habitual actions in English (India).

× I'm a shoe, a holic.

✓ I'm a shoeaholic.

The phrase 'shoeaholic' is a compound noun and should be written as one word without a comma. Splitting it into 'shoe, a holic' is incorrect. This correction improves clarity and correctness.

× I bought shoes from Coach and from Nike Jordans as well.

✓ I bought shoes from Coach and Nike Jordans as well.

When listing multiple sources, the preposition 'from' is used once before the list. Repeating 'from' before each item is unnecessary and incorrect in English (India).

× I had, I clearly remember the last month there was, there was a sale on New Balance.

✓ I clearly remember last month there was a sale on New Balance.

The auxiliary 'had' is unnecessary here and disrupts the past tense narrative. Also, 'the last month' should be 'last month' without 'the' to correctly express time in English (India).

× So there was a sneakers having a red logo of an over there and the rest of the shoe was white.

✓ So there were sneakers having a red logo over there and the rest of the shoe was white.

The word 'sneakers' is plural, so the verb should be 'were' instead of 'was'. Also, 'a sneakers' is incorrect because 'a' is singular and 'sneakers' is plural. The phrase 'of an over there' is unclear and corrected to 'over there' for clarity.

× I bought the shoes online with the very good discount of 50%.

✓ I bought the shoes online with a very good discount of 50%.

The article 'a' is needed before 'very good discount' to correctly quantify the discount in English (India).

× I don't like consider a particular amount of buying shoes.

✓ I don't like to consider a particular amount when buying shoes.

The verb 'like' should be followed by the infinitive 'to consider'. Also, 'of buying shoes' is better expressed as 'when buying shoes' to clarify the context.

× I can prefer shoes over my all of the shopping.

✓ I prefer shoes over all my other shopping.

The phrase 'my all of the shopping' is incorrect. The correct form is 'all my other shopping' to express preference properly in English (India).

× It should be fashionable as well and it should be comfortable as well because using the comfortable shoes helps me to perform good at my workplace and wearing the fashionable shoes helps me to gain attention between my friends and even in my school and even at the parties as well.

✓ They should be fashionable as well as comfortable because wearing comfortable shoes helps me perform well at my workplace, and wearing fashionable shoes helps me gain attention among my friends, at school, and at parties.

The pronoun 'it' is incorrect when referring to plural 'shoes'; 'they' is appropriate. 'Using the comfortable shoes' is better as 'wearing comfortable shoes'. 'Perform good' should be 'perform well' as 'well' is the correct adverb. 'Gain attention between my friends' should be 'gain attention among my friends'. Also, redundant phrases like 'and even' and 'as well' are removed for clarity and conciseness in English (India).