Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Та хариултаа илүү байгалийн, үр дүнтэй болгохын тулд илүү тодорхой, товч бөгөөд холбоос үг ашиглан өгүүлбэрүүдээ холбож өгнө үү. Жишээ нь, "I usually buy new shoes twice a year, mainly sneakers and seasonal boots for winter, because I need comfortable and practical shoes for daily activities." гэж хэлж болно.

例: I usually buy new shoes twice a year, mainly sneakers and seasonal boots for winter, because I need comfortable and practical shoes for daily activities.

提案: Хариултаа илүү тодорхой, логик холбоотой болгохын тулд холбоос үг ашиглаж, үг давтагдлыг засах хэрэгтэй. Мөн алдааг засаж, илүү байгалийн хэллэг ашиглаарай. Жишээ нь, "I bought shoes online for the first time in eighth grade during the pandemic because I couldn't shop in stores. However, the shoes were poor quality, so since then I have been reluctant to buy shoes online."

例: I bought shoes online for the first time in eighth grade during the pandemic because I couldn't shop in stores. However, the shoes were poor quality, so since then I have been reluctant to buy shoes online.

提案: Хариултаа илүү тодорхой, алдаагүй, логик холбоотой болгохын тулд үгсийг зөв ашиглаж, утга санааг тодорхой илэрхийлээрэй. Жишээ нь, "I usually buy two pairs of sneakers and some winter boots. The winter boots cost about 1,000,000 Mongolian tögrög." гэж хэлж болно.

例: I usually buy two pairs of sneakers and some winter boots. The winter boots cost about 1,000,000 Mongolian tögrög.

提案: Хариултаа илүү байгалийн, алдаагүй, холбоос үг ашиглан логик болгоорой. Мөн үгсийн алдааг засаж, илүү тодорхой болгоорой. Жишээ нь, "I prefer comfortable shoes because I wear them daily and need to walk around the university. I don't like trendy shoes because they only last about a year."

例: I prefer comfortable shoes because I wear them daily and need to walk around the university. I don't like trendy shoes because they only last about a year.

× I usually buy new shoes twice a year, mostly sneakers and seasonal shoes like boots in winter.

✓ I usually buy new shoes twice a year, mostly sneakers and seasonal shoes like boots in winter.

No correction needed here as the plural forms are used correctly.

× I I prepare comfortable and practical shoes because I use them for daily activities.

✓ I prefer comfortable and practical shoes because I use them for daily activities.

The original sentence has a repeated word 'I' and uses 'prepare' incorrectly. 'Prefer' is the correct verb to express choice or liking in this context.

× Yes, I bought shoes online for the first time when I was in the eighth grade because of pandemic and I couldn't go window shopping as usual, and I decided to order a fair online but unfortunately the shows were very poor quality and did the last job.

✓ Yes, I bought shoes online for the first time when I was in the eighth grade because of the pandemic and I couldn't go window shopping as usual, so I decided to order a pair online but unfortunately the shoes were very poor quality and did a poor job.

Missing article 'the' before 'pandemic'. 'Fair' is incorrect; it should be 'pair' when referring to shoes. 'Shows' is a typo for 'shoes'. 'Did the last job' is unclear and corrected to 'did a poor job' to express dissatisfaction.

× Since then I have been reluctant reluctant to buy shoes.

✓ Since then I have been reluctant to buy shoes.

The word 'reluctant' is repeated unnecessarily; removing the duplicate improves clarity.

× Well I have never thought about that before. I think 2 sneakers and some winter poops.

✓ Well, I have never thought about that before. I think 2 sneakers and some winter boots.

'Poops' is incorrect; the intended word is 'boots' for winter footwear.

× Winter boots around 1,000,000 to grip in Mongolian currency.

✓ Winter boots cost around 1,000,000 tögrög in Mongolian currency.

The phrase 'to grip' is incorrect; 'cost' is the correct verb to indicate price. Also, 'tögrög' is the correct term for Mongolian currency.

× I would prefer comfortable shoes because I wear them daily and it must be comfortable to walk around a university along the way, and I don't really like trendy shows because it lasts only one years then.

✓ I would prefer comfortable shoes because I wear them daily and they must be comfortable to walk around a university, and I don't really like trendy shoes because they last only one year.

'It' should be 'they' to agree with plural 'shoes'. 'Shows' is a typo for 'shoes'. 'Lasts' should be 'last' to agree with plural subject. 'One years' should be 'one year' as 'year' is singular.