Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation words (uh), and limit to 3–4 sentences. Add a brief frequency phrase (how often) and one specific example to support your statement.

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes and I usually buy new pairs a few times a year. I developed this habit in childhood because my brother shopped a lot, so I collected different types such as boots, heels and casual sneakers. For example, last year I bought a pair of leather boots that I wear for formal events.

提案: Begin with a direct answer, remove filler words, give a brief reason or consequence using linking words (so, therefore), and be specific about the return process or outcome to show coherence.

例: Yes, I bought shoes online last week from the Gucci website. However, they were one size too large, so I returned them and exchanged for the correct size. Now the replacement fits perfectly and I am very pleased with the quality.

提案: Give a clear direct statement of a typical spending range, reduce repetitions and hesitations, and provide one specific reason with a linking word. Finish the sentence clearly and avoid vague endings.

例: I usually spend at least $100 on a good pair of shoes because I prefer quality over quantity. For example, I pay more for durable materials so I don't have to replace shoes often and I feel confident wearing them.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating you prefer both depending on context, avoid repeated fillers, use linking words (for example, however) and give one specific example for each case to make the answer concise and coherent.

例: I prefer both, depending on the situation. For example, I choose fashionable shoes like heels for parties or formal events; however, for casual outings or running I always pick comfortable trainers so I can walk or exercise easily.

× I have different kind of shoes like uh, boots, heels, casual sneakers and so on.

✓ I have different kinds of shoes, like boots, heels, casual sneakers, and so on.

The noun 'kind' must be plural 'kinds' when referring to multiple categories; also use plural 'shoes' with 'different kinds of'. Add commas for clarity.

× I'm passionate about buying shoes since childhood because I have always seen my brother doing the same and I have different kind of shoes like uh, boots, heels, casual sneakers and so on.

✓ I have been passionate about buying shoes since childhood because I have always seen my brother doing the same, and I have different kinds of shoes, like boots, heels, and casual sneakers.

Use 'have been passionate' to show a state continuing from the past to now (present perfect continuous/state). 'Since childhood' requires a perfect construction. Also fixed plural 'kinds' and added commas for readability.

× Last week I bought online shoes from Gucci store.

✓ Last week I bought shoes online from the Gucci store.

Use the definite article 'the' with 'Gucci store' when referring to a specific store. Also place 'online' after the noun phrase 'bought shoes online' for natural word order.

× So it's a online website and uh, when I got it, it was not my size.

✓ So it's an online website, and when I received it, it was not my size.

Use 'an' before vowel sound 'online'. 'Got' is informal; 'received' is clearer in this context. Also include a comma and conjunction for sentence flow.

× The most expensive I have in my collection is about $900.

✓ The most expensive pair I have in my collection costs about $900.

Specify 'pair' when referring to shoes and use 'costs' for the price of a single item. This clarifies meaning and corrects noun usage.

× It was one size larger than mine but I returned it and now it's impeccable.

✓ It was one size larger than mine, but I returned it and now it fits perfectly.

'Impeccable' describes condition, not fit. Use 'fits perfectly' to indicate correct size after return; keep past tense for actions and present for current state.

× Usually I prefer the quality over quantity because it matters a lot.

✓ Usually I prefer quality over quantity because it matters a lot.

'Prefer' is followed directly by nouns without 'the' when speaking generally: 'prefer quality over quantity.' Removing 'the' makes the sentence natural.

× I don't want my shoes to be, uh, broken all the time or uh, if I, if I go or I don't want to feel embarrassed because of my shoes.

✓ I don't want my shoes to be broken all the time, and I don't want to feel embarrassed because of them when I go out.

Avoid repeating fragments; combine ideas into one clear sentence. Use pronoun 'them' to refer back to 'shoes' and 'when I go out' to clarify situation.

× So I usually start over nearby, $100 minimum and it can.

✓ So I usually start at around $100 minimum.

Use 'start at around' or 'start from' with monetary amounts. Remove 'nearby' and the incomplete clause 'and it can.' This yields a complete, natural expression.

× Both because it depends upon, uh, the situation or the place where I am going.

✓ Both, because it depends on the situation or the place I am going to.

Use the preposition 'depend on' rather than 'depend upon' (both are possible but 'depend on' is more common) and 'going to' is the correct verb complement for destination.

× So it's, if it's a party, then obviously the fashionable shoes.

✓ If it's a party, then obviously I choose fashionable shoes.

Complete the sentence with a subject and verb: 'I choose' clarifies the action. The original was a fragment.

× However, uh, when it's, uh, more casual than I prefer comfortable shoes, uh, during tracks or uh, during running.

✓ However, when it's more casual, I prefer comfortable shoes, for example when I'm walking or running.

Use 'when it's more casual' without 'than.' Provide clear examples: 'walking' or 'running' are appropriate activities. Use present continuous 'I'm walking' or simple gerund 'walking' as noun phrases.