Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and natural: give a clear topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details (how often and why). Avoid redundancy and keep to under five sentences. Use linking words for coherence.

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes because getting a new pair always lifts my mood. However, I only buy shoes about twice a year, usually when my old ones wear out or there’s a good sale.

提案: Combine sentences for fluency and give specific reasons with linking words. Avoid sentence fragments and repeat ideas. Mention an alternative or condition to show nuance.

例: No, I haven’t bought shoes online because I’m worried about getting counterfeit or poor-quality products. Also, they can be expensive once you factor in returns, so I prefer trying shoes on in a store.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then explain with specific details and clearer numbers. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid vague phrasing like “maybe.”

例: I’m not sure exactly because my mother usually buys my shoes. But when I do spend money on shoes myself, it’s typically under 2,000 (local currency), depending on the brand and style.

提案: Give a clear direct choice and a concise, grammatically correct reason. Avoid repetition and finish your thought. Use a linking word to present the preference.

例: I prefer comfortable shoes because I walk a lot, so comfort is more important to me. Although I like fashionable styles, I would choose comfort if I had to pick one.

× I do like buying shoes because it makes me feel refreshed and relaxed.

✓ I do like buying shoes because they make me feel refreshed and relaxed.

The subject 'buying shoes' refers to shoes (plural), so the verb should agree with a plural subject. Using 'they make' ensures subject-verb agreement; alternatively rephrase to 'buying shoes makes me...' if treating the gerund phrase as singular. To improve, decide whether the subject is 'buying shoes' (singular gerund) or 'shoes' (plural) and match the verb accordingly.

× However, I don't often buy shoes, for example twice a year.

✓ However, I don't often buy shoes; for example, I buy them about twice a year.

The original is understandable but missing a clear subject and has punctuation issues. Adding 'I buy them' clarifies the subject (singular/plural consistency) and ensures grammatical completeness. Use a semicolon or period before 'for example' and include a comma after it.

× I never bought shoes online.

✓ I have never bought shoes online.

When referring to life experiences without a specific time, English uses the present perfect rather than simple past. 'Have never bought' correctly indicates the experience up to now. Use present perfect for unspecified time frames.

× Also I disagree with buying shoes online.

✓ Also, I disagree with buying shoes online.

This sentence needs a comma after the introductory adverb 'Also' to be properly punctuated. The original lacks punctuation but the grammar is otherwise acceptable. Improve fluency by combining with the previous sentence: 'I have never bought shoes online, and I disagree with buying shoes online.'

× Because it may be fake and also. Expensive.

✓ Because they may be fake and also expensive.

The original fragment starts with 'Because' creating a sentence fragment and splits the adjective 'expensive' incorrectly with a period. Combine into one complete sentence and use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'shoes'. Do not begin sentences with subordinators like 'Because' without a main clause.

× Well, actually I don't know because my mother is the person who buys for me.

✓ Well, actually I don't know because my mother is the person who buys them for me.

Add 'them' to clarify the object ('shoes'). The tense is fine (present). Omitting the object makes the sentence less clear. To improve, include the pronoun referring back to 'shoes'.

× However, I think it's maybe 2000 or less than that.

✓ However, I think it's maybe 2000 or less than that.

No strong grammatical error detected; however, style can be improved to 'However, I think it's maybe 2000 or less.' The phrase 'or less than that' is redundant after 'less.' No verb past participle issue applies; keeping original with minor style change is acceptable.

× Actually I prefer both of them.

✓ Actually, I prefer both of them.

Add a comma after the introductory adverb 'Actually' for correct punctuation. Otherwise the sentence is grammatical.

× However, if I have to choose only one, I would choose comfortable shoes because it makes me to walk comfortably then fashionable shoes that will that can make my.

✓ However, if I had to choose only one, I would choose comfortable shoes because they allow me to walk comfortably, whereas fashionable shoes cannot.

Multiple issues: tense and conditional form ('if I had to' is the correct hypothetical structure); subject-verb agreement ('they allow' for plural 'shoes'); incorrect use of infinitive 'to walk' after 'make me'—use 'allow me to walk' or 'let me walk'; sentence fragments ('that will that can make my' is incomplete). The correction uses 'whereas' to contrast and completes the comparison. To improve, use proper conditional structure, match plural nouns with plural verbs, and avoid dangling fragments.