Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting reasons. Avoid repetition and small errors (e.g., 'the shoes' → 'shoes'; 'a new shirt to match to make sure it can match' → simplify). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' correctly.

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes. I usually buy new ones every three months because I like to update my outfits each season, and I often choose shoes that match the shirts I plan to wear.

提案: Eliminate repetition and keep sentences smooth. Use present perfect or present simple consistently ('have bought' or 'buy'). Replace repeated words and reduce filler. Add one specific detail about the advantage (e.g., wider selection, reviews).

例: Yes, I often buy shoes online because it’s very convenient and offers a much wider selection than local shops. I also read customer reviews to make better choices.

提案: Give a clear amount with currency and avoid hesitation. Provide a concise reason with a linking phrase like 'because' or 'since' and one clear criterion (appearance or comfort). Remove repeated phrases.

例: I usually spend between 600 and 1000 (local currency) on shoes because I look for both attractive design and good comfort, and shoes that meet both criteria tend to cost more.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence, then give a brief reason and one example. Avoid repeating phrases ('a good a good') and vague statements like 'necessary for nowadays markets.' Be specific about why the combination matters.

例: I prefer shoes that are both fashionable and comfortable because I want to look stylish while being able to walk or stand for long periods. For example, I often choose sneakers that have a modern design and supportive insoles.

× Yes, I really like to buy the shoes.

✓ Yes, I really like to buy shoes.

The definite article 'the' is incorrect here because the speaker refers to shoes in general, not specific shoes. Omit the article when speaking about something in general (buy shoes).

× I often buy these every three months because I think 3 months represent a season and I need a new shirt to match to make sure it can match my outfit.

✓ I often buy them every three months because I think three months represent a season and I need a new shirt to match my outfit.

Use 'them' instead of 'these' when referring back to 'shoes' in this context. Write numbers as words in formal speech and avoid redundant phrases like 'to make sure it can match'; 'to match my outfit' is sufficient. 'Represent' is correct for a general present-tense statement.

× Yes, really. I often bought shoes online because it is very convenient for me because I can I can choose many kinds of shoes on the on the app rather than in a store nearby.

✓ Yes, really. I often buy shoes online because it is very convenient for me and I can choose many kinds of shoes on the app rather than in a nearby store.

The adverb 'often' indicates habitual present, so use present tense 'buy' not past 'bought'. Remove duplicated words ('I can I can', 'on the on the') and use 'and' instead of repeating 'because' to avoid redundancy. 'Nearby store' is more natural as 'a nearby store.'

× Well, I think it may range from 600 to 1000 because I will consider the appearance, whether it is I like umm, whether it is comfortable and usually the two things combined should cost more, cost more.

✓ Well, I think it may range from 600 to 1000 because I consider the appearance—whether I like it—and whether it is comfortable, and usually the two things combined cost more.

Pronoun and clause structure was awkward: use 'whether I like it' to reference 'appearance' or style, and remove filler 'umm'. Use present simple 'consider' for habitual action. 'Should cost more' is unnecessary; 'cost more' expresses the general truth. Remove repeated 'cost more.'

× Just like I said before, I prefer to combine these two things. A good a good product, I think it should both fashionable and comfortable. It is necessary for nowadays markets.

✓ Just like I said before, I prefer to combine these two qualities. A good product, I think, should be both fashionable and comfortable. It is necessary for today's market.

Use 'qualities' instead of 'things' for clarity. Remove duplicate 'a good'. Use 'should be both' to include the verb 'be' before adjectives. Use the possessive form 'today's' and singular 'market' for the general concept 'today's market.'