Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar, avoid redundancy, and add a specific frequency (e.g., once a month, a few times a year). Use linking words to connect reasons. Limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes, especially for daily wear and special occasions. I usually buy new shoes two or three times a year because I replace worn-out pairs or need something suitable for particular events.

提案: Improve grammar and cohesion. Use correct tense and subject-verb agreement, and combine ideas with linking words (however, although). Give a brief specific example of when or why you choose online shopping.

例: Yes, I have bought shoes online, although I usually prefer local shops because they are convenient and allow me to try shoes on. However, I sometimes buy online when a particular style is unavailable in stores or when there is a good discount.

提案: Clarify the main idea and correct grammar. State a clear amount or frequency first, then explain reasons with specific details. Avoid contradictory or confusing phrases and keep to a couple of sentences.

例: I usually buy three to four pairs of good-brand shoes each year, and I spend around $200–$400 in total because I prefer quality over quantity. I choose durable shoes that last longer even if they cost more up front.

提案: Be concise and avoid repetition. Give a clear topic sentence, then a specific example showing when you choose comfort over fashion. Use linking words (for instance, because) and correct small errors.

例: I prefer comfortable shoes because I value support and practicality. For instance, I often choose sneakers or sturdy boots for daily activities and outdoor events because they keep my feet comfortable all day.

× Yes, I love to purchase shoes whether it is for daily wear or for a special occasions.

✓ Yes, I love to purchase shoes whether it is for daily wear or for special occasions.

The error is the incorrect use of the quantifier/article 'a' before the plural noun 'occasions'. Use no article with the plural 'special occasions' or use the singular 'a special occasion'. Suggestion: use 'special occasions' for general meaning or 'a special occasion' for one event.

× I buy them if I think they are necessary or if any event is there or for my own purposes as.

✓ I buy them if I think they are necessary, if there is an event, or for my own purposes.

The original sentence has awkward word order and incorrect phrase 'if any event is there' and trailing 'as'. Use 'if there is an event' for correct there-be structure and reorder items in parallel. Suggestion: make the alternatives parallel and remove 'as'.

× Definitely yes, I had bought shows online, although I prefer going to the local shops as they are more convenient and has a personal touch.

✓ Definitely yes, I have bought shoes online, although I prefer going to the local shops as they are more convenient and have a personal touch.

Use present perfect 'have bought' to describe life experience rather than past perfect 'had bought'. Also 'shows' is a typo for 'shoes'. Subject-verb agreement error: plural 'shops' take 'have', not 'has'. Suggestion: use 'I have bought shoes online' and match verbs to subjects.

× But sometimes I also do online shopping from various applications.

✓ But sometimes I also do online shopping through various apps.

Use the preposition 'through' for channels, and 'applications' is more naturally 'apps' in spoken English. Suggestion: 'through various apps' is concise and idiomatic.

× Well I'm a person who prefer quality of a quantity, so I usually still spending my money on unnecessary things.

✓ Well, I'm a person who prefers quality over quantity, so I usually still spend my money on necessary things.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement 'I am a person who prefers' (third-person singular 'prefers'). The idiom is 'quality over quantity', not 'quality of a quantity'. 'Usually still spending' is ungrammatical; use simple present 'usually still spend'. Also original contradicts itself by saying 'spend on unnecessary things' after claiming to prefer quality; I adjusted to 'necessary things' to match intended meaning. Suggestion: use correct idiom and match verb forms.

× So I usually buy 3 to 4 pairs of good brand shoes in a year.

✓ So I usually buy three to four pairs of good-brand shoes a year.

Use hyphen in 'good-brand' or better 'good-brand-name' though 'good-brand shoes' is acceptable; write numbers in words in formal speech and use 'a year' instead of 'in a year' for frequency. Suggestion: 'three to four pairs of good-brand shoes a year' is natural.

× I prefer comfortable shoes as I think comfort is more important rather than fashion.

✓ I prefer comfortable shoes because I think comfort is more important than fashion.

Use 'because' to show reason rather than 'as' which can be ambiguous; use the correct comparative structure 'more important than', not 'more important rather than'. Suggestion: 'because' + 'more important than' is correct.

× If it is for daily wear or for any outdoor event, I prefer wearing my comfortable boots.

✓ If it is for daily wear or any outdoor event, I prefer to wear my comfortable boots.

Use parallel structure and infinitive 'prefer to wear' instead of 'prefer wearing' for preference. Also omit the repeated 'for'. Suggestion: keep phrases parallel and use 'prefer to' + base verb.

× For example if it it is a sneaker for any event or a sports function.

✓ For example, if it is a sneaker, I might wear it to an event or a sports function.

The original is a fragment lacking a main clause and contains repetition 'it it'. Provide a complete sentence with subject and verb. Suggestion: add 'I might wear it' to complete the thought and remove duplicate word.