Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words like "but however," and use one or two supporting details with linking words. Also correct minor phrasing (e.g., "for a long period" → "for a long time").

例: Yes, I like buying shoes, but I don't do it very often because I prefer to choose pairs that will last a long time. For example, I usually wait until I find durable styles that offer good support, so I might shop only a few times a year.

提案: Avoid repetition and improve grammar and cohesion. Use a clear topic sentence and one linked supporting detail explaining why you bought online. Replace "they're" with "there's" and remove redundant phrases.

例: Yes, I have bought shoes online once because online stores offer a much wider selection than local shops. For instance, I found a specific brand and size that wasn't available in nearby stores, so I ordered it from a retailer's website.

提案: Clarify the amount and remove fragmented sentences. Give a clear range or typical price and explain briefly why prices vary. Use one coherent sentence plus a supporting detail.

例: It depends on the type, but I usually spend up to ¥30,000 on a single pair of shoes. For example, I spend more on running shoes because I need good cushioning, but cheaper casual shoes cost much less.

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Use 'comfort' instead of 'comfortability' and avoid awkward phrasing like 'comes first in regard to shoes.' Start with a direct preference and follow with a reason and an example linked smoothly.

例: I prefer comfortable shoes over fashionable ones because comfort is more important for everyday wear. For example, I choose shoes with good arch support even if they aren't the latest trend, since I wear them for long periods each day.

× I like buying shoes but however.

✓ I like buying shoes.

The phrase contains redundant conjunctions 'but' and 'however' used together, creating a sentence structure error (incorrect conjunction use / sentence structure). Remove one; here 'but however' is wrong. Keep a single connective or none. Suggestion: use either 'but' or 'however' with a complete clause, e.g., 'I like buying shoes, but I don't often buy them.'

× I don't often buy them because I'm looking for shoes which I can have for a long period of time.

✓ I don't often buy them because I'm looking for shoes that I can have for a long time.

The clause 'which I can have for a long period of time' is wordy and 'which' vs 'that' is a relative clause choice; 'that' is more natural for restrictive clauses. 'Period of time' is redundant; use 'a long time.' This fixes sentence structure and improves naturalness.

× Yes, I have bought shoes online once because online market is useful because.

✓ Yes, I have bought shoes online once because the online market is useful.

The sentence repeats 'because' creating redundancy and omits the definite article before 'online market.' Use 'the online market' or 'online markets.' Also remove the extra 'because' to correct sentence structure. Suggestion: 'Yes, I have bought shoes online once because the online market is useful.'

× They're a wide variety of products compared to shops.

✓ There is a wide variety of products online compared to shops.

'They're' (they are) is incorrect here; the existential construction 'there is/are' should be used to indicate existence. 'A wide variety' is singular, so 'there is' is appropriate. Also clarify 'online' placement for meaning. This fixes subject-verb/existential structure.

× It depends on what types of shoes I buy, but I spend up to three ¥30,000. For one.

✓ It depends on what types of shoes I buy, but I spend up to ¥30,000 on a pair.

The original has incorrect quantifier/number format 'three ¥30,000' and an incomplete fragment 'For one.' Use the currency symbol before the number and a clear unit: '¥30,000 on a pair.' This corrects quantifier and sentence structure errors.

× I prefer comfortable shoes rather than fashionable shoes because I think.

✓ I prefer comfortable shoes to fashionable ones because I think comfort is more important.

Use 'prefer A to B' rather than 'prefer A rather than B.' Also 'fashionable shoes' can be shortened to 'fashionable ones.' 'Because I think' is incomplete; provide the thought: 'comfort is more important.' This corrects comparison structure and completes the sentence.

× Comfortability comes first in regard to shoes because it's not the main part of fashion.

✓ Comfort comes first when it comes to shoes because style is not the most important thing.

'Comfortability' is a nonstandard noun; use 'comfort.' 'In regard to' is wordy; use 'when it comes to.' Also 'it's not the main part of fashion' is awkward; 'style is not the most important thing' is clearer. This addresses incorrect adjective/noun choice and sentence structure.