Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, uh), correct word choice (clarify "Planet"), and give one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: I play the clarinet and I’m a member of my university orchestra. Because rehearsals are regular and challenging, playing clarinet helps me relax and improves my concentration.

提案: Use correct noun phrases and verb forms and avoid fillers. Begin with a direct statement, then add a specific detail using a linking word. Correct collocations ("play the piano", "helped me relax", "developed my musical sense"). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: When I was a child I used to play the piano. Playing the piano helped me relax and also developed my musical sense, which later made learning other instruments easier.

提案: Clarify vocabulary and sentence structure. Begin with a clear topic sentence saying which instrument and for how long. Avoid incorrect words like "decline"; use "hobby" or the instrument name. Add a reason or future plan with a linking word. Keep sentences grammatical and concise.

例: Yes, I have played the clarinet since I was a child; I have been playing it for ten years. Because it means a lot to me, I plan to continue practising and joining community concerts in the future.

提案: Answer directly, avoid repetition and fillers, and use correct tense and word order. State the similarity, then give a specific supporting detail using a linking word (e.g., "because" or "so"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use natural phrases ("taught me almost every day", "cherished memory").

例: Yes, my mother also plays the piano, so she taught me every day when I was young. As a result, those lessons are a cherished memory and helped me build a strong musical foundation.

× I have a hobby which is playing the clarinet.

✓ I have a hobby: playing the clarinet.

The original sentence is understandable but awkward; using a colon or rephrasing makes the structure clearer. This is an issue with word order and phrasing (adjective/adverb use and sentence structure). Suggest using 'I have a hobby: playing the clarinet' or 'My hobby is playing the clarinet.'

× I belong to the orchestra club at university.

✓ I belong to the university orchestra club.

Word order is slightly awkward. Placing 'university' before 'orchestra club' makes the phrase more natural in English. This is an adjective placement issue; move the modifier to precede the noun.

× Uh, playing Planet makes me feel relaxed and enjoyable.

✓ Playing the clarinet makes me feel relaxed and happy.

'Planet' is likely a mistake for 'clarinet.' 'Enjoyable' describes something that produces enjoyment; to describe a feeling, use 'happy' or 'enjoyed.' This is misuse of adjectives/adverbs; choose an adjective that correctly describes the speaker's feeling and correct the noun.

× Umm, when I was a child I had a hobby playing with a piano.

✓ When I was a child, my hobby was playing the piano.

'Playing with a piano' is unnatural; we say 'playing the piano.' Using past tense 'was' correctly links to 'when I was a child.' This is a past tense/word choice issue; use 'was' and 'playing the piano.'

× Uh, it also helped me relaxed and enjoyable.

✓ It also helped me feel relaxed and enjoy myself.

'Helped me relaxed' is incorrect; after 'helped' you need the base verb 'feel' or the infinitive 'to relax.' 'Enjoyable' describes something that gives enjoyment; to describe the speaker's experience use 'enjoy' or 'enjoyed.' This is adjective/adverb misuse; use correct verb forms.

× I it made me music sense.

✓ It helped me develop a sense for music.

The original is ungrammatical and unclear. The intended meaning is likely that it developed musical sense. Use 'develop a sense for music' or 'improve my musical sense.' This is an adjective/adverb and word choice issue.

× Yes, umm, I have a great decline since I was a child.

✓ Yes, I have been playing the clarinet since I was a child.

'Great decline' is incorrect and does not fit context; the student likely meant 'a great interest' or to say they have played since childhood. To express an action continuing from the past, use present perfect continuous or present perfect: 'have been playing' or 'have played.' This is a sentence structure and vocabulary error.

× I've played it for 10 years.

✓ I have been playing it for ten years.

When emphasizing duration up to now, present perfect continuous ('have been playing') is more natural. 'I've played it for 10 years' is acceptable, but the continuous form better matches 'since childhood.' This is a present tense/aspect issue.

× Uh, it is umm, very cherished hobby for me and I want to play it in the future.

✓ It is a very cherished hobby for me, and I want to continue playing it in the future.

Missing article 'a' before 'very cherished hobby.' Also 'play it in the future' is awkward; 'continue playing it' is clearer. This is an article and adjective/adverb usage problem.

× Umm, my mother also plays the piano.

✓ My mother also plays the piano.

Remove filler 'Umm.' Sentence is otherwise correct. This is a minor pronoun/usage note; no grammatical change needed beyond removing hesitation.

× So when I was a child, my mother taught me how to play the piano, umm, almost every day it is.

✓ When I was a child, my mother taught me how to play the piano almost every day.

The phrase 'almost every day it is' is ungrammatical and redundant. Place 'almost every day' before the end of the sentence. This is a sentence structure error.

× It is umm umm, unforgettable and cherished memory for me.

✓ It is an unforgettable and cherished memory for me.

Missing article 'an' before 'unforgettable.' Also 'memory' needs the article. This is an article and adjective usage error; include 'an' and keep adjective order natural.