Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using correct tense and linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., "really" repeated) and incorrect verb forms (use "learn" → "learned" or "take" → "took").

例: I enjoy dancing. I learned several dance styles at home and took formal classes in 2021 to prepare for my sister’s wedding. Because I practice regularly in my spare time, my technique has improved.

提案: Use correct tense and avoid vague phrases like "and so on." Give a clear topic sentence and one brief detail or example. Use linking words if adding details (e.g., "for example").

例: Yes, I had many hobbies as a child, including singing, running, dancing and painting. For example, I used to join the school choir and practise painting on weekends.

提案: This answer is unclear and contains irrelevant or confusing phrases. Begin with a direct statement that you have danced since childhood, then give one specific supporting detail (a memory or example). Use correct past tense and avoid extraneous names or fragments.

例: Yes, I have enjoyed dancing since I was a child. I used to take part in school dance competitions, where I learned many steps and built my confidence.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence (whether your hobbies are the same or different), then list family members' hobbies in a concise way using correct grammar and linking words. Avoid unclear or repeated phrases.

例: No, our hobbies are different. My mother enjoys cooking, my father likes painting, and my brother sings. I, however, prefer dancing, so we each have our own interests.

× I really learn to really dance styles whenever I have a spare time at my home.

✓ I really learn different dance styles whenever I have spare time at home.

The student used 'learn to really dance styles' which is ungrammatical. The verb 'learn' can be followed by a noun phrase ('different dance styles') rather than 'to dance styles'. 'A spare time' is incorrect; use uncountable 'spare time'. Also remove extra 'really'. Suggestion: use 'learn different dance styles' and 'spare time at home'.

× I usually took dance classes at my back home in year in 2021 for my sister's wedding.

✓ I usually took dance classes back home in 2021 for my sister's wedding.

The phrase 'at my back home' is incorrect; use 'back home' or 'at home'. 'In year in 2021' is redundant; use 'in 2021'. 'Usually' with a specific past event is okay if referring to a habitual action in the past. Suggestion: simplify to 'took dance classes back home in 2021'.

× Yes, I have a lot of hobbies when I was a child such as singing, running, dancing, painting and so on.

✓ Yes, I had a lot of hobbies when I was a child, such as singing, running, dancing and painting.

The clause 'when I was a child' places the statement in the past, so the verb should be past ('had') not present ('have'). Also remove 'and so on' in formal answers and separate items with commas. Suggestion: use past tense 'had' and list items clearly.

× Azolia Rice said My hobby is dancing. It's from my son with a sense from my childhood. That time I during my childhood, I participated in the dance competition at my school days. So that time I learned about the dance steps. So which I really which I.

✓ My hobby is dancing. It comes from my childhood. During that time I participated in dance competitions at school, so I learned the dance steps.

The original contains irrelevant phrase 'Azolia Rice said' and many fragmentary, repeated and misplaced elements ('It's from my son with a sense from my childhood', 'So which I really which I'). Simplify and reorder: state hobby, origin, past participation (use past tense 'participated'), and result ('learned the dance steps'). Remove unclear or repeated fragments. Suggestion: produce clear chronological sentences and avoid extraneous names or fragments.

× Now it is in my family they have different hobbies with my mother have a cooking hobby, my father have a painting and my brother I was singing.

✓ In my family, we have different hobbies: my mother likes cooking, my father likes painting, and my brother likes singing.

The original mixes subjects and verbs incorrectly ('my mother have', 'my brother I was singing') and uses awkward 'Now it is in my family'. Correct pronoun and subject-verb structure is needed: 'we have' for the family, and use 'likes' or 'likes + -ing' for each person. Suggestion: use parallel structure 'my X likes Y'.

× Obviously we all both are both all have.

✓ Obviously, we all have hobbies.

This sentence is a fragment and contains repeated words ('all both are both all have') making it ungrammatical. Condense to a simple complete sentence: subject 'we' + verb 'have' + object 'hobbies'. Suggestion: avoid redundancy and ensure subject-verb completeness.