Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Ответ не совсем естественен и местами бессвязен; есть лишние слова и неполные мысли. Надо давать чёткое тематическое предложение, затем 1–2 связанных подробности с логическими связками, избегая неоднозначных фраз («Maybe, and yet I know»). Также сократите ответ до максимум 5 предложений и используйте более точную лексику (например, "pursue a career in music" вместо "make it my career").

例: I really enjoy playing the guitar and try to practise whenever I can. At the moment I don’t have much free time because of work, but I plan to take music lessons and pursue a career in music in the future.

提案: Ответ фрагментирован, есть грамматические ошибки и бессвязные фразы. Необходимо давать полные предложения и конкретные детали о детских занятиях (когда, как часто, почему нравилось). Используйте связки (for example, because, when) и избегайте бессмысленных вставок. Максимум 5 предложений.

例: Yes, when I was a child I used to go to the local swimming pool every weekend. I loved swimming because it was fun and helped me make friends, and I often took lessons to improve my technique.

提案: Хороший базовый ответ, но есть небольшие ошибки в выражениях и не хватает связующих фраз и конкретики. Следует начать с чёткого тематического предложения, затем объяснить причины и привести пример (например, как часто плаваете). Используйте точную лексику ("what I love about it" вместо "The fact I love about it") и соединительные слова (because, therefore).

例: Yes, I have been swimming for about eight years. What I love about it is that it’s low-impact yet excellent exercise, so it keeps me fit and relaxed, and I usually swim three times a week.

提案: Ответ понятен, но немного неуклюж и разговорен. Уточните, кто именно разделяет хобби, опишите, как вы проводите время вместе, и свяжите идеи логически. Избегайте таких конструкций как "me and my family" (лучше "my family and I").

例: Yes, my family and I all enjoy swimming, so we often go to the pool together at weekends. Swimming together is a great way for us to relax and spend quality time.

× I really enjoy playing my guitar.

✓ I really enjoy playing the guitar.

Use the definite article 'the' with instruments in English; 'playing the guitar' is the standard collocation. Suggestion: say 'I really enjoy playing the guitar.'

× However, I don't have much time to do this now.

✓ However, I don't have much time to do that now.

The pronoun 'this' is less natural when referring to an activity mentioned earlier; use 'that' to refer back. Suggestion: use 'that' or repeat the activity: 'to play the guitar.'

× Despite all this, I would like to make it my career.

✓ Despite that, I would like to make it my career.

'Despite all this' is awkward in this short response; 'Despite that' refers clearly to the previous idea. Suggestion: use 'Despite that' or 'Nevertheless, I would like to make it my career.'

× Maybe, and yet I know.

✓ Maybe — I'm not sure yet.

Original is ungrammatical and unclear. Use a clear phrase to express uncertainty. Suggestion: 'Maybe' followed by a clarifying clause like 'I'm not sure yet.'

× I remember the time when I had gone to the swimming pool and I really enjoyed swimming, however swimming.

✓ I remember the time when I went to the swimming pool and I really enjoyed swimming.

Use simple past 'went' for a past event; past perfect 'had gone' is unnecessary. Remove the repeated 'swimming' and the misplaced 'however.' Suggestion: use 'I remember when I went to the swimming pool and really enjoyed swimming.'

× Those transitions? Let's catch.

✓ I'm not sure what you mean by 'those transitions.' Could you clarify?

This fragment is ungrammatical and unclear. It should be rephrased as a request for clarification. Suggestion: ask 'Could you clarify what you mean by that?'

× Of course I have been swimming for about 8 years now.

✓ Of course, I have been swimming for about eight years now.

Content is correct; correct punctuation and write number as 'eight' in formal speech. Present perfect continuous 'have been swimming' is appropriate for an action that started in the past and continues.

× The fact I love about it is that you don't need so much strength to swim and it always keeps me fit so I like it.

✓ What I love about it is that you don't need a lot of strength to swim, and it always keeps me fit, so I like it.

'The fact I love about it' is incorrect; use 'What I love about it.' 'So much strength' is awkward here; 'a lot of strength' is natural. Add commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: 'What I love about it is that you don't need a lot of strength to swim, and it always keeps me fit.'

× Yes, it's funny spending time with my family and on top of that swim in a pool really makes me happy so.

✓ Yes, it's fun to spend time with my family, and on top of that, swimming in a pool really makes me happy.

'Funny' is wrong meaning; use 'fun.' Use the infinitive 'to spend' or gerund consistently. 'Swim in a pool' should be 'swimming in a pool.' Move 'so' or remove it. Suggestion: 'Yes, it's fun to spend time with my family, and swimming in a pool really makes me happy.'

× I'm really glad that me and my family have the same hobby.

✓ I'm really glad that my family and I have the same hobby.

Use the subject pronoun 'I' rather than 'me' when combined with another subject. Order 'my family and I' is more polite. Suggestion: '...that my family and I have the same hobby.'