Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 어색하고 반복이 많습니다. 답변은 직접적인 주제문으로 시작하고, 구체적인 이유와 예시를 한두 문장으로 간결하게 덧붙이세요. 연결어(for example, because, so, therefore)를 사용해 논리적으로 이어주고, 문법(관사, 시제, 전치사)과 어순을 수정하세요. 예를 들어 'watching movies in a theater'처럼 복수형과 관사를 정확히 사용하고, 'than at home' 같은 비교 표현을 올바르게 쓰세요.

例: I enjoy watching movies in a theater because the big screen and sound system make the experience more immersive. For example, when I watched a recent action film, I felt much more focused and excited than when I watch movies at home.

提案: 문장 구조와 표현이 불분명합니다. 주제문으로 시작한 뒤(예: I used to dance when I was a child), 시작 시기와 이유를 논리적으로 연결하세요. 불필요한 단어와 반복을 제거하고 과거 시제를 일관되게 사용하세요. 숫자 표현은 'at seven' 또는 'when I was seven'처럼 자연스럽게 말하세요.

例: I used to take dance lessons when I was a child. I started at seven because my school held concerts for parents and I wanted to perform in them, which I found very enjoyable.

提案: 문법적 오류(시제, 전치사, 어순)와 어휘 선택이 필요합니다. 'started in China'가 의미하는 바가 불분명하면 구체화하세요(예: I began dancing in China when I was a child). 'funny'는 적절치 않으니 'happy'나 'excited'로 바꾸세요. 연결어를 사용해 현재까지 이어져 왔음을 표현하세요(eg. "and I still enjoy it").

例: I began dancing in China when I was a child, and I have continued ever since. I still enjoy dancing to K-pop songs because they are energetic and fun to perform.

提案: 의미 전달이 많이 불분명합니다. 먼저 주제문으로 명확히 답하세요(예: Yes, my family and I share some hobbies). 그 다음 구체적인 공통 취미(예: cooking, hiking 등)를 명확히 말하고 예시나 이유를 덧붙이세요. 단어 선택(‘hitting’ 대신 ‘hiking’ 또는 다른 활동)과 복수/소유격 사용('our family members')을 고치세요.

例: Yes, my family and I share some hobbies. For instance, almost everyone in my family enjoys cooking, so we often prepare meals together on weekends. We also like hiking, which gives us a chance to exercise and talk.

× Yes, my hobby is watching movie in theater because I like movie very much and also I watch it movie in theater.

✓ Yes, my hobby is watching movies in the theater because I like movies very much and I also watch them in the theater.

Use plural 'movies' when speaking generally about films; use 'the' before 'theater' for a specific place; replace 'it movie' with 'them' to refer back to plural 'movies'. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for general activities (watching movies), include articles where needed ('the theater'), and use correct pronouns ('them').

× I can focus on movie very well then in home.

✓ I can focus on movies much better in the theater than at home.

Comparative idea requires 'better' and contrast uses 'than'. Use plural 'movies' for general reference. Use preposition 'at home' not 'in home'. Suggestion: Use comparative adjectives ('better') and correct prepositions ('at home').

× As dancing as my hobby in childhood.

✓ Dancing was my hobby in childhood.

The structure 'As dancing as' is incorrect. Use simple past 'was' to describe a past state and a noun 'dancing' as subject. Suggestion: For past habits or states, use 'was' + noun phrase (Dancing was my hobby).

× I started it when I was 7.

✓ I started when I was seven.

No need for object 'it' after 'started' when the action (dancing) is clear from context. Write numbers in words in formal speech; 'seven' preferred. Suggestion: Omit unnecessary pronouns and use clear, concise phrasing ('I started when I was seven').

× Uh, the reason why I started that was in school, we prepared some concerts to our parents.

✓ The reason I started was that at school we prepared some concerts for our parents.

Use 'The reason I started was that...' for clarity. Use preposition 'for' instead of 'to' when referring to performing for someone. Suggestion: Use 'was that' to introduce explanations and 'for' when indicating the audience of a performance.

× I learned. Add in seven.

✓ I learned dance at seven.

Original fragment lacks coherent structure. Combine ideas into one correct sentence: 'I learned dance at seven.' Use preposition 'at' for age. Suggestion: Express learning an activity with 'learned' + noun and 'at' + age ('I learned dance at seven').

× It was very fun.

✓ It was a lot of fun.

Use 'a lot of fun' or 'very fun' is informal; 'a lot of fun' is more natural. Keep past tense 'was' to match context. Suggestion: Use natural collocations ('a lot of fun').

× Dancing is my hobby started in China.

✓ Dancing is my hobby; it started in China.

Original tries to combine present and past without connector. Use a semicolon or separate sentences and pronoun 'it' to refer to the hobby's origin. Suggestion: Separate ideas or use relative clauses ('Dancing is my hobby, which started in China' or 'Dancing is my hobby; it started in China').

× And from now I still feel funny when I dancing K pop song.

✓ Even now I still find it fun when I dance to K-pop songs.

Use 'even now' for ongoing time, 'find it fun' for opinion, verb form 'dance' (not 'dancing') after 'when', preposition 'to' with 'dance to a song', and pluralize 'K-pop songs' for generality. Suggestion: Use correct verb forms and prepositions ('dance to') and natural phrases ('find it fun').

× It is our families same.

✓ Our family has the same hobbies.

Incorrect word order and form. Use singular 'family' as a unit and 'has' to indicate possession. 'Same' must modify 'hobbies'. Suggestion: Use correct noun phrase order ('Our family has the same hobbies').

× Hobbies are because we every.

✓ We all share hobbies because...

Original is ungrammatical and unclear. Use 'we all' to indicate every family member and a verb 'share' to express common hobbies. Suggestion: Use subject pronouns and verbs in natural order ('We all share hobbies').

× Families member like to cooking food.

✓ Family members like cooking food.

Use plural 'family members' and the verb form 'like cooking' (gerund) rather than 'to cooking'. Suggestion: Use 'like' + gerund ('like cooking') and correct plural noun forms ('family members').

× And also like hitting so that is same hobbies as your as my family.

✓ They also enjoy eating, so those are the same hobbies as mine.

Original 'hitting' likely incorrect word; context suggests 'eating' or 'cooking'. Use 'enjoy eating' or 'enjoy cooking'. Use 'those are the same hobbies as mine' for comparison. Also replace 'your as my family' with 'mine'. Suggestion: Use correct verbs for activities ('enjoy eating'/'enjoy cooking') and correct possessive pronouns ('mine').