Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition and filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Correct mistakes (e.g., 'bruising' → 'reading' or 'beneficial for the brain'). Aim for 2–4 sentences and reduce hesitations.

例: I enjoy reading books. For example, I usually read once or twice a week, focusing on non-fiction because it helps me develop my critical thinking. Also, reading keeps my mind active and helps me relax after a busy day.

提案: Answer directly with a clear past-tense statement and avoid confusion. Use one or two specific examples and a linking word to explain why you liked them. Keep sentences short and grammatical.

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child, I enjoyed reading storybooks and learning to dance. These activities helped me be creative and made my free time enjoyable.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then briefly explain with specific detail. Use linking words like 'and' or 'because' correctly and avoid hesitations. Use present perfect appropriately for ongoing hobbies.

例: Yes, I have kept two hobbies since childhood: reading and dancing. I still read regularly because the stories challenge my thinking, and I continue to dance because it keeps me fit and happy.

提案: Be specific about which family members share which hobbies and give a short example of an activity you do together. Remove repetition and use linking words like 'for example' or 'also' to make your answer coherent.

例: Yes, many of my family members enjoy similar hobbies. For example, my mother and I like cooking together on weekends, and my siblings and I often read the same novels and discuss them afterwards.

× One of my main hobbies is reading books because I love reading books because it helps me develop my critical thinking and umm umm I read books once or twice a week umm nowadays, uh, bruising books is also beneficial for brain.

✓ One of my main hobbies is reading books because I love it; it helps me develop critical thinking, and I read once or twice a week. Nowadays, browsing books is also beneficial for the brain.

The sentence misuses adjectives/adverbs and has redundant phrasing. 'Reading books' repeated is redundant; replace the second with 'it'. 'Develop my critical thinking' is fine but 'the brain' requires the definite article. 'Bruising' is a typo and should be 'browsing'. Also remove filler words and split into two sentences for clarity. Suggestions: avoid repetition, fix typos, add articles where needed, and use punctuation to separate ideas.

× Yes, I have any hobbies when I I was child, my in this moment in uh, I have umm hobbies, umm, reading books and umm uh, dancing something on something.

✓ Yes, I had hobbies when I was a child. At that time, I enjoyed reading books and dancing.

The original mixes present and past incorrectly and includes nonstandard phrases. Use past tense 'had' and 'was a child' for childhood. 'I have any hobbies' is ungrammatical; use 'I had hobbies'. Remove fillers and unclear fragments like 'dancing something on something'. Suggestions: use consistent tense for past situations, use clear verbs and nouns, and eliminate fillers.

× Umm, yes, I have a hobby that I've had since childhood. It uh, dancing and umm umm, reading because they're so fascinating, which helps me develop my, uh, critical thinking.

✓ Yes, I have hobbies that I've had since childhood. They are dancing and reading because they are fascinating and help me develop my critical thinking.

Mixed singular/plural and tense issues: 'a hobby' conflicts with listing two hobbies; change to plural 'hobbies'. 'It, dancing and reading' is incorrect; use 'They are'. Also maintain present perfect 'I've had' for an action continuing to present. Remove fillers and ensure subject-verb agreement. Suggestions: match singular/plural, use proper pronouns ('they'), and keep tense consistent.

× In my opinion, yes. I have the same hobbies as my family members because we play together. We we also do something like cooking, reading something so one.

✓ In my opinion, yes. I have the same hobbies as my family members because we play together. We also do activities like cooking and reading.

The original contains redundancy ('we we') and awkward phrasing 'do something like' and 'reading something so one'. Use 'activities' and connect items with 'and'. Ensure verbs agree with plural subject 'we' and remove fillers. Suggestions: remove duplicate words, use clear nouns ('activities'), and list hobbies in parallel form.