Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix repetition and unclear phrase "sometimes land."

例: Yes — I enjoy photography and videography because they allow me to express my creativity. For example, I often shoot weddings and portrait sessions, which helps me develop lighting and storytelling skills. I also experiment with landscape photography to capture natural scenes.

提案: Use past tense for childhood, avoid long run-on sentence, and give a specific example. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct group names (e.g., 'Twice' or 'BigBang'?) and say full names clearly.

例: Yes — when I was a child I loved dancing because it was my main way to express myself. For example, I used to learn choreography from K-pop groups such as Girls' Generation and 2NE1, which helped me practice rhythm and coordination.

提案: Use smoother phrasing and correct grammar ("I was introduced to dancing"). Provide a brief progression from childhood to present and use linking words like 'since then' or 'now'. Be specific about styles.

例: Yes — I was introduced to dancing as a child, and since then it has helped me express emotions through music. Nowadays I still enjoy dancing, especially Zumba and hip-hop classes, because they keep me fit and let me learn new moves.

提案: Make sentences complete and grammatically correct, avoid vague or unfinished phrases like 'great old singer' and 'and now.' Use linking words (e.g., 'however', 'on the other hand') and give one clear comparison with specifics.

例: No, our hobbies are different. For example, my parents enjoy singing and also dance occasionally; my sister is a talented singer, while my brother used to enjoy painting and now focuses on graphic design.

× Yes I do. I enjoy photography and videography because it helps me. It's my my artistic skills and it allowed me to tell a story visually.

✓ Yes, I do. I enjoy photography and videography because they help me develop my artistic skills and allow me to tell a story visually.

Issues: repetition ('my my'), singular/plural agreement and tense consistency. 'Photography and videography' are plural/compound subjects, so use 'they' and the plural verbs 'help' and 'allow'. 'Develop my artistic skills' is a clearer collocation than 'it's my artistic skills'. Use present simple 'allow' to match ongoing ability rather than past 'allowed'. Suggestion: remove duplicate word, match subject and verb number, and keep tense consistent for general abilities.

× For example, I often shoot weddings and portraits and sometimes land.

✓ For example, I often shoot weddings and portraits, and sometimes landscapes.

The sentence ends with 'land', which is incorrect word choice and creates sentence structure confusion. The intended noun is likely 'landscapes' (photography subject) and requires plural. Add a comma before 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: use the correct noun 'landscapes' and maintain parallel structure in the list.

× Yes I do, I love dancing it's my way of expressing myself and I also mimic dance in the K pop music like Girls' Generation and 21 so they have a beautiful music.

✓ Yes, I do. I love dancing; it's my way of expressing myself, and I also imitate dances from K-pop groups like Girls' Generation and 2NE1 because they have beautiful music.

Multiple problems: run-on sentence and inappropriate verb choice 'mimic dance' (use 'imitate dances' or 'learn dances'). 'K pop' should be 'K-pop', groups need correct names (21 likely means '2NE1'). 'They have a beautiful music' is incorrect article usage and noun form; use 'beautiful music' without 'a'. Break into clearer clauses and use present simple for habitual actions. Suggestion: separate clauses with punctuation, use 'imitate' and correct group names, and remove unnecessary article.

× Yes, since I was a child I was introduced by dancing and I learned that it helps me express myself through music.

✓ Yes. Since I was a child, I was introduced to dancing and I learned that it helps me express myself through music.

Incorrect preposition: 'introduced by dancing' should be 'introduced to dancing'. 'Introduced to' indicates being exposed to an activity. Add commas for clarity. Tense use 'was introduced' is acceptable for a past event; 'helps' stays in present simple to express a general truth. Suggestion: use correct preposition 'to' after 'introduced'.

× Up until now, I like to dance, especially Zumba and other hip hop.

✓ Up until now, I have liked dancing, especially Zumba and other hip-hop styles.

Tense: 'Up until now' is a time expression that typically pairs with present perfect ('have liked') to show a preference continuing to the present. Use gerund 'dancing' rather than 'to dance' for preference. 'Hip hop' as a compound adjective should be hyphenated when modifying 'styles'. Suggestion: use present perfect and gerund for ongoing habits.

× No, we have a different types of hobbies.

✓ No, we have different types of hobbies.

Redundant article 'a' conflicts with plural 'types'. Remove 'a' to match plural noun. Suggestion: ensure determiners agree with singular/plural nouns.

× For example my parents love to sing but they are good also in dancing.

✓ For example, my parents love to sing, and they are also good at dancing.

Preposition error and word order: 'good also in dancing' is unnatural. Use 'good at dancing' and place 'also' before the verb phrase for natural emphasis. Add commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: use 'good at' for abilities and standard adverb placement.

× However my sister is a great old singer and my brother used to love arts and now.

✓ However, my sister is a great, older singer, and my brother used to love art but does not anymore.

Problems: 'great old singer' is unclear — likely meant 'great, older singer' or 'an old, great singer' but context suggests 'older' as age; comma needed. 'Love arts' is incorrect; use uncountable 'art' or 'the arts'. 'And now' is incomplete; clarify change with 'but does not anymore' or 'now he prefers something else'. Suggestion: choose correct adjective ('older' vs 'old') and correct noun form 'art', and complete the contrastive clause to finish the thought.