Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition, correct grammar and use a clearer time expression. Begin with a topic sentence, then give a supporting detail with linking phrase. For example, say how often you practice and why you enjoy the hobby. Avoid saying "I I" and use "every week" not "for every week."

例: Yes, I have several hobbies. I enjoy horse riding, dancing and playing the piano, but dancing is my favourite. I take dance lessons and practise for about half an hour every day, which helps me stay fit and express myself.

提案: Use past tense consistently and avoid hesitations and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then give a specific example and a reason or feeling. Connect sentences with linking words such as "so" or "which".

例: Yes, I did. I learned to dance as a child and often performed in class and at school shows, which impressed my teachers and classmates. Because of these performances, I felt very proud and more confident.

提案: Give one clear topic sentence and explain why you kept the hobby with specific reasons. Avoid claiming vague benefits like "more intelligent" without explanation—describe how it helped you (e.g., discipline, coordination). Use correct grammar and linking words.

例: Yes, I still practise some hobbies from childhood, especially dancing. I prefer dancing because it improved my coordination and discipline, and it also helps me relax after a busy day.

提案: Clarify your meaning and use correct grammar. Give a brief topic sentence, then explain with a clear reason and a supporting detail. Avoid long, unclear past-tense phrases and repetition.

例: No, I don't. My family members do not have particular hobbies because when they were children their parents focused on work and did not encourage extra-curricular activities, so they never developed hobbies.

× I'm dancing half an hour for every week and I have dancing lessons.

✓ I dance for half an hour every week and I have dancing lessons.

Use the simple present for regular activities (habitual actions). 'I'm dancing' (present continuous) implies happening now. Also 'for every week' is incorrect; say 'every week' or 'for half an hour each week'. Replace 'I have dancing lessons' with 'I take dance lessons' or keep 'I have dance lessons' for natural phrasing.

× I learned dance when I was a child.

✓ I learned to dance when I was a child.

After 'learn' the correct structure to express acquiring the skill is 'learn to + verb'. 'Learned dance' is understandable but nonstandard. Use 'learned to dance' to show the action acquired in the past.

× I could dance in my class and to and show, show the my teachers and classmates.

✓ I could dance in my class and show it to my teachers and classmates.

Sentence has repeated words and wrong word order. Remove the extra 'to and' and 'show, show', and place the object 'it' before 'to my teachers and classmates' to form a correct verb-object-prepositional phrase: 'show it to my teachers and classmates.'

× It makes me. It made me very proud.

✓ It made me very proud.

The first fragment 'It makes me.' is incomplete and inconsistent with the past reference. Use past tense 'made' to match 'when I was a child.' Combining into one complete sentence 'It made me very proud' is correct.

× Like horse riding, dancing or and playing the piano.

✓ Like horse riding, dancing, and playing the piano.

Remove the extra 'and' after 'or' and use commas with a final 'and' for a clear list. Also 'playing the piano' is correct; ensure parallel structure among gerunds.

× I like dancing best because it makes me more intelligent.

✓ I like dancing best because it makes me feel more intelligent.

Add 'feel' to clarify that dancing causes the feeling of being more intelligent. Without 'feel' the sentence sounds odd. Ensure verb 'makes' agrees with singular subject 'it' (correct here).

× Intelligent and it can makes me feel relaxed.

✓ It can make me feel relaxed.

'Makes' should be 'make' after modal verb 'can' (modal + base verb). Remove the stray word 'Intelligent and' which is misplaced; keep one clear clause 'It can make me feel relaxed.'

× No because my family members don't have any hobbies.

✓ No, because my family members don't have any hobbies.

Add a comma after 'No' for natural spoken punctuation. The sentence is otherwise correct grammatically; correction only adds clarity.

× When there were was a child they their parents didn't let let their day to learn something.

✓ When they were children, their parents didn't let them have time to learn anything.

Multiple errors: use 'they were children' or 'when I was a child' — original mixes pronouns. Correct pronouns 'them' as object of 'let'. Remove duplicated words 'were was' and 'let let'. 'Let them have time to learn anything' expresses intended meaning; 'their day' is incorrect. Use 'anything' in negative contexts.