Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, like), correct word choice (listening to music, dancing, not daunting), and limit to 3–4 sentences. Add one specific detail (genres, how often you dance) and use a linking word when giving reasons.

例: I enjoy listening to music and dancing in my free time. For example, I usually listen to pop and classical music in the evenings because it helps me relax. I also dance two or three times a week as a fun way to stay fit.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and remove hesitations. Use correct tense and grammar (has/have, I would -> I used to). Give one specific memory and use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes. Listening to music and dancing have always been my favorite hobbies since childhood. For instance, I used to dance every day after school because I took dance classes and loved practicing new steps.

提案: Be concise and correct grammar (one of the hobbies, which I have loved). Avoid repetition and filler. Organize: topic sentence, supporting detail (watching videos, copying moves), and a brief result or feeling. Use linking words like 'also' or 'because'.

例: Yes, dancing is a hobby I've loved since childhood. I would watch dancing videos and copy the moves, which helped me improve, and I even dreamed of becoming a dancer when I was young.

提案: Start with a direct answer, avoid filler words, and correct verb agreement (parents love). Use a linking phrase to contrast (however, whereas) and provide a concise reason and example.

例: Not really. My parents enjoy reading the newspaper every morning, whereas I prefer listening to music instead. Therefore, our morning routines and hobbies are quite different.

× I like to listen music and sometimes dance whenever I get the chance, mostly in my free time.

✓ I like to listen to music and sometimes dance whenever I get the chance, mostly in my free time.

The verb 'listen' requires the preposition 'to' before its object ('listen to music'). This is a fixed verb-preposition combination; add 'to' to make the sentence grammatically correct.

× listening to music helps me feel very calm and relaxed and daunting is one of the exercise that keeps me fit.

✓ Listening to music helps me feel very calm and relaxed, and dancing is one of the exercises that keeps me fit.

'Daunting' is the wrong word; the intended word is 'dancing' (a noun). Also 'exercise' should be plural 'exercises' to match 'one of the ...' structure. Capitalize first word and add a comma before the conjunction for clarity.

× listening to music is uh has always been one of my favorite hobby since I was a kid and dancing too.

✓ Listening to music has always been one of my favorite hobbies since I was a kid, and so has dancing.

Combine present perfect 'has always been' with correct noun plural 'hobbies' for 'one of my favorite'. Remove extra auxiliary 'is' and adjust structure to parallel 'dancing'. 'Since I was a kid' requires perfect aspect.

× But like if I remember like in my early childhood days, dancing is one of the things I would do every day once I'm back from my school.

✓ But if I remember correctly, in my early childhood, dancing was one of the things I did every day when I came back from school.

The sentence describes past habitual action, so use past tense 'was' and 'did' instead of present. Replace 'once I'm back' with past 'when I came back' and simplify redundant fillers.

× Yes, dancing is one of the hobby which has like which I have loved since I was a kid.

✓ Yes, dancing is one of the hobbies which I have loved since I was a kid.

Use plural 'hobbies' after 'one of the', and remove the redundant 'which has like which'. Keep 'which I have loved' or use 'that I have loved' for clarity.

× It is one of the things that I enjoy a lot and some like while watching dancing videos.

✓ It is one of the things that I enjoy a lot, like watching dancing videos.

The original placement of 'some like' is ungrammatical. Use 'like' to introduce an example and restructure: 'like watching dancing videos.' Add a comma for readability.

× I used to copy the moves of a dancers so and and I also dreamt of becoming a dancer one day when I was a kid.

✓ I used to copy the moves of dancers, and I also dreamt of becoming a dancer one day when I was a kid.

Remove the extra article 'a' before 'dancers' (plural) and fix duplicated 'and'. Use plural 'dancers' without 'a'. Add comma before 'and' to join clauses.

× I would not say so because if I compare my hobbies with my family, umm, my father and my mother both loves to read newspaper in the morning.

✓ I would not say so, because if I compare my hobbies with my family's, my father and my mother both love to read the newspaper in the morning.

Use 'love' to agree with plural subject 'my father and my mother' (subject-verb agreement). Use possessive 'my family's' for comparison. Use article 'the' before 'newspaper' and remove filler words. Note: This also touches subject-verb agreement (ID 27) and article use (ID 22).

× And on the other side, I'm not the person who read newspapers or very much interested in reading news first thing in the morning.

✓ On the other hand, I'm not the kind of person who reads newspapers or is very interested in reading the news first thing in the morning.

Use 'reads' for third person singular agreement with 'who' referring to 'person' (present simple). Include 'is' before 'very interested' to complete the clause and use 'the news' with article. Replace 'on the other side' with 'on the other hand' for correct idiom.

× So I will say that my hobbies are definitely different.

✓ So I would say that my hobbies are definitely different.

'Would' is more natural in this hypothetical/reflective context ('I would say'). The original 'I will say' is not strictly wrong but sounds less appropriate; adjusting to 'would' improves tone and conforms to conversational English.