Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific detail and a reason or example. Avoid repeating 'hobby' and the final summary sentence.

例: Yes. I enjoy reading novels and following travel and lifestyle accounts on social media. For example, I read contemporary fiction to relax and I follow travel bloggers to find new places to visit.

提案: Organize your answer: state the main idea then give 2–3 specific examples with brief reasons. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct tense and grammar (e.g., 'grew out of me' -> 'I grew out of them' or 'I stopped enjoying them').

例: As a child I had several hobbies. I enjoyed playing ball games and singing, and I also taught dancing because I was a confident dancer. However, I stopped some of these activities as I grew older because I had less free time.

提案: Good content and details. Improve natural phrasing and cohesion: state the hobby clearly, give a reason you kept it, and explain current practice using linking words. Avoid awkward phrasing like 'I hope that I've had since childhood would be'.

例: Yes, dancing is a hobby I have had since childhood and I still love it. Because I enjoy movement and music, I practice regularly by learning routines on TikTok. After practicing, I record short videos to share what I've learned.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer (e.g., 'Not really'). Then give a specific example of shared hobby and use linking words to show frequency or result. Avoid unclear phrases like 'Not really bad'.

例: Not really — only one of my siblings shares my interest in dancing. We sometimes create our own choreography together, and when we feel confident we record videos to post online.

× This childhood hobbies grew out of me because I grew up and something I don't enjoy anymore.

✓ These childhood hobbies grew out of me because I grew up and they are things I don't enjoy anymore.

The noun 'hobbies' is plural, so the demonstrative should be 'These' not 'This'. Also the clause needs a plural subject 'they' and present-tense 'are' to match 'don't enjoy anymore'. Use consistent plural agreement and clarify tense.

× When I was a child, I did have many hobbies.

✓ When I was a child, I had many hobbies.

Using 'did have' is unnecessary for a simple past affirmative statement. The simple past 'had' is correct and more natural. Reserve 'did' for emphasis or questions/negatives.

× I liked playing ball, I liked singing and I liked teaching people how to dance because I was a good dancer back then.

✓ I liked playing ball, singing, and teaching people how to dance because I was a good dancer back then.

Repeating 'I liked' is grammatically acceptable but stylistically awkward. Also combining parallel gerunds without repeating the subject is clearer. This improves fluency and conciseness.

× I hope that I've had since childhood would be dancing.

✓ The hobby I've had since childhood is dancing.

The original sentence uses an incorrect structure 'I hope that I've had since childhood would be...', mixing tense and modality. Replace with a clear present perfect 'I've had' used as an adjectival phrase and link with 'is dancing' for present relevance.

× Right now I learn dances from the platform of TikTok and practice them and then later on make my own Tik Toks when I've learnt the dance.

✓ Right now I learn dances from TikTok, practice them, and later make my own TikToks after I've learned the dance.

Use consistent parallel verbs and more natural phrasing: 'learn dances from TikTok' (no 'platform of'), 'practice them, and later make' is parallel. In American English 'learned' is standard; 'learnt' is British—either is acceptable but be consistent. Also 'TikToks' is one word.

× Not really bad, one of my siblings likes dancing.

✓ Not really. One of my siblings likes dancing.

'Not really bad' is an odd reply; likely intended 'Not really.' The original runs two clauses together; separate into two sentences and remove 'bad' which is inappropriate here.

× We sometimes make our own dance choreography together and we often take videos of them once we are confident about our moves.

✓ We sometimes create our own dance choreography together, and we often take videos of it once we are confident about our moves.

'Choreography' is an uncountable or singular noun here, so use 'it' not 'them'. Also 'create' is a better collocation than 'make' for choreography. Ensure pronoun agrees in number with its antecedent.