Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with grammar and redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb agreement (“make” not “makes”), and avoid repeating similar ideas. Add one specific detail about a hobby and use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes — I enjoy several hobbies, especially dancing, painting and singing. For example, painting helps me unwind after work because I can focus on colors and brushstrokes, and dancing keeps me active. Therefore, these activities both relax me and help me manage stress.

提案: Avoid repetition and tense issues. Use one clear topic sentence then give specific supporting detail about frequency or duration. Replace awkward phrasing like “dancing courses” with “dance classes” and correct grammar (“those are memories I cherish”).

例: Yes, I loved dancing as a child. Every weekend I attended dance classes for two to three hours, and I practiced routines with friends. Those are memories I still cherish because they helped me build confidence and discipline.

提案: Reduce hesitation and repetition. Give a clear topic sentence, correct phrasing (e.g. “reading before bed”), and add a specific example or reason why you continue the habit. Use linking words to connect past and present.

例: Yes, reading before bed has been my hobby since childhood. When I was little my mother read stories to me, and now I read novels on my own to relax and sleep better.

提案: Structure your answer: give the main point first, then one specific supporting detail. Fix tense consistency (“we practiced” not “we will practice”) and avoid redundancy (“practice dancing together or dance together”).

例: Although my family members enjoy different hobbies, I share dancing with my grandmother. When I was young she took me to the park every evening and we practiced dance routines together, which made dancing a special bond between us.

× I think hobbies can makes me feel relaxed and can help me unleash my emotions and stress in the free time.

✓ I think hobbies can make me feel relaxed and can help me unleash my emotions and relieve stress in my free time.

The modal verb 'can' should be followed by the base form of the verb, so 'makes' is incorrect; use 'make' (subject-verb agreement / verb form after modal). Also, 'relieve stress' is the natural collocation instead of 'unleash my emotions and stress', and 'in the free time' should be 'in my free time' to use the correct prepositional phrase. Grammar problem type ID:27

× That was the memories which I cherish now.

✓ Those were the memories that I cherish now.

The noun 'memories' is plural, so use the plural demonstrative 'those' not 'that'. Also, when referring to things, 'that' vs 'which' can be used, but 'that' is more natural in this context; the verb 'was' should agree with the plural subject, so use 'were'. This is a subject-verb agreement and plurality correction. Grammar problem type ID:5

× Of course, yes, when I was little, I was fascinated by dancing and I chose I chose dance as my favorite hobby and every weekend I would go to the dancing courses to dance for several hours.

✓ Of course. When I was little, I was fascinated by dancing, and I chose dance as my favorite hobby. Every weekend I would go to dance classes for several hours.

Remove the repeated phrase 'I chose I chose'. 'Dancing courses' is nonnative; use 'dance classes'. Break into shorter sentences for clarity. 'Go to dance classes' is the correct collocation. This fixes sentence structure and word choice. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Every night before going to bed, I, I would read some stories or novels when I was a little child, uh, with my mom and now I still do that.

✓ Every night before going to bed when I was a child, I would read stories or novels with my mom, and now I still do.

Remove the repeated hesitation 'I, I' and place the time phrase correctly: 'when I was a child' should modify the past habit 'would read'. Keep 'would' for past habitual actions and 'now I still do' for present continuation. Also simplify 'some stories or novels' to 'stories or novels' for naturalness. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Well, although every family member has their own different hobbies, I still share the same hobby, dancing with my grandma.

✓ Well, although every family member has their own hobbies, I still share the same hobby, dancing, with my grandma.

'Their own different hobbies' is redundant; use 'their own hobbies'. Add commas to set off 'dancing'. Pronoun use 'their' is acceptable for singular generic reference, but simplifying improves clarity. This addresses pronoun and wording issues. Grammar problem type ID:12

× Because when I was little, my grandma always took me to dance in the park every evening after dinner and we will practice dancing together or dance together.

✓ When I was little, my grandma always took me to dance in the park every evening after dinner, and we would practice dancing together.

Maintain past tense for past habitual actions: 'took' and 'would practice' rather than switching to 'will'. Remove the redundant 'or dance together' since 'practice dancing together' suffices. This fixes tense inconsistency and redundancy. Grammar problem type ID:6