Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện ý chính rõ ràng, loại bỏ tiếng ồm ồ và sắp xếp danh sách hợp lý; dùng câu chủ đề ngắn, rồi nêu lý do cụ thể với từ nối. Chú ý ngữ pháp (ví dụ: 'that I want to like' không tự nhiên) và giữ tối đa 3–4 câu.

例: I enjoy several hobbies, such as collecting stamps, painting and swimming. My favourite is swimming because it helps me unwind after long study sessions. For example, going for a swim calms my mind and boosts my energy for the next task.

提案: Trình bày mạch lạc hơn: mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn, dùng liên từ để giải thích lý do; tránh số và cách nói lặp lại ('as I just say'). Chỉnh ngữ pháp (ví dụ: 'my choice is 1' sai) và cung cấp chi tiết cụ thể về hoạt động.

例: As a child I enjoyed several activities, especially swimming and playing in the garden. I chose swimming most often because it helped me relax and made me feel healthy. For instance, I used to swim every weekend with my friends at the local pool.

提案: Nói rõ mối liên hệ giữa quá khứ và hiện tại với câu chủ đề mạch lạc; tránh cấu trúc ngữ pháp sai ('a hobby is painting'); giới thiệu lý do ngắn gọn và một ví dụ cụ thể nếu cần.

例: Yes, I have painted since childhood. However, as a senior student I have less time for painting because I need to concentrate on my studies and assignments. For example, I used to paint every evening, but now I reserve painting for occasional weekends.

提案: Tránh dùng từ không chính xác ('sibling with') và cấu trúc lộn xộn; mở đầu trực tiếp, giải thích rõ sự khác biệt và nêu ví dụ so sánh. Giữ câu ngắn, dùng từ vựng phù hợp (creative, energetic).

例: No, my hobbies are different from my family’s. I am more creative and enjoy painting and collecting, while my parents prefer practical activities like gardening or reading. For example, my father likes gardening, but I prefer spending time on art projects.

× I have many hobbies that I want to like uh, collecting, stamp painting, swimming, and so on, but my favorite one would be swimming because it's helped me unwind after studying hard when I'm in a bad mood.

✓ I have many hobbies that I like, such as collecting stamps, painting, swimming, and so on, but my favorite is swimming because it helps me unwind after studying hard when I'm in a bad mood.

The phrase 'collecting, stamp painting' mixes forms; use plural noun 'stamps' after 'collecting' and separate 'painting'. 'My favorite one would be' is awkward: use 'my favorite is'. 'It's helped me' is incorrect tense/auxiliary here; 'it helps me' expresses a habitual effect. Suggestion: list hobbies with parallel noun forms and use present simple for habitual actions.

× When I was a child I had many hobbies such as swimming, joking or even playing around the garden but my choice is 1 would be swimming because as I just say it's helped me relax a lot.

✓ When I was a child I had many hobbies such as swimming, joking, or even playing in the garden, but my choice would be swimming because, as I just said, it helped me relax a lot.

Use past tense consistently when referring to childhood: 'as I just say' should be 'as I just said'. 'Playing around the garden' is better as 'playing in the garden'. 'It's helped me' should be 'it helped me' to match past timeframe. Suggestion: keep past tense for past habits and use correct past form of 'say'.

× In my childhood I had a hobby is painting, but right now I cannot focus on painting because I'm a senior student. So I have to focus on my studying, like how to do the work, how to do my homework.

✓ In my childhood my hobby was painting, but right now I cannot focus on painting because I'm a senior student, so I have to focus on my studies, such as doing coursework and homework.

The clause 'I had a hobby is painting' is ungrammatical; use 'my hobby was painting'. 'My studying' is awkward—use the noun 'my studies'. 'Like how to do the work, how to do my homework' is informal and redundant; use 'such as doing coursework and homework'. Suggestion: use clear subject-verb structure and appropriate nouns for academic context.

× I don't think I have any hobbies that are sibling with my family members because I think I'm a creator person but my sister, father or mother don't have anything about it and I just a person only have a energetic uh it's a lot.

✓ I don't think I share hobbies with my family members because I consider myself a creative person, but my sister, father, and mother don't share those interests with me, and I'm just an energetic person.

'Sibling with my family members' is incorrect; use 'share hobbies with my family members'. 'Creator person' should be 'creative person' (adjective form). 'Don't have anything about it' is vague; use 'don't share those interests'. 'I just a person only have a energetic' is ungrammatical—use 'I'm just an energetic person'. Suggestion: use correct adjective forms and clearer phrasing to express contrast.