Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer, more grammatical, and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, correct collocations (e.g., “helps me relax” not “helps me online”), and avoid filler words like “literally.” Use one or two supporting details with linking words (for example, “because” or “so”).

例: I enjoy listening to international music. For example, I often listen to K-pop because it motivates me and helps me relax after a long day of studying, so I can concentrate better when I return to revision.

提案: Be specific and fix vocabulary and grammar errors. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two concrete supporting details. Replace unclear phrases (e.g., “marvels,” “copy that file”) with precise words like “fantasy stories” and “imitate the style.” Use linking words such as “because” and “so” to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I enjoyed writing as a child because reading books inspired my imagination. For example, I loved fantasy stories with vivid language, so I often tried to imitate their style when writing short stories for fun.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct major errors. Start with a clear statement that you have liked music since childhood. Use correct tense and pronouns, avoid nonsensical phrases (“lose money”), and give one clear supporting detail with a linking word like “now” or “because.”

例: Yes, I have liked music since I was a child. I used to listen to gentle songs, but now I prefer more energetic tracks, and I often listen after studying because it helps me relax and lift my mood.

提案: Make your response direct and grammatically correct. Start with a clear yes/no and then give a specific example. Correct vocabulary (e.g., “enjoy photographing” or “enjoy photography”), use fewer vague words, and remove confusing phrases like “lost capturing memories” — say “to capture memories.” Keep to one or two sentences.

例: Yes, my family and I share an interest in photography. For example, during a three-day holiday in Beijing we took more than 500 photos to capture our memories and share them with each other.

× Yes, listening to international music is one of my hobbies because it helps me online and recharge after a long day of studying.

✓ Yes, listening to international music is one of my hobbies because it helps me unwind and recharge after a long day of studying.

The phrase 'helps me online' is incorrect; likely intended 'unwind'. Use of base verb 'recharge' is fine; keep parallel structure 'unwind and recharge'. Replace 'online' with appropriate -ing or base verb 'unwind' to match context.

× Literally I've been enjoying K pop is obviously driven to motivate me and make it easier to concentrate when I'm revising.

✓ I've been enjoying K-pop; it obviously motivates me and makes it easier to concentrate when I'm revising.

Original mixes clauses incorrectly and has tense/subject issues. Use a clear subject 'it' for 'K-pop' and ensure verbs agree: 'motivates' and 'makes'. Remove unnecessary 'literally' or place appropriately. Hyphenate 'K-pop'.

× Yes, I enjoyed writing as a child because reading books gave me a lot of knowledge and inspired my imagination.

✓ Yes, I enjoyed writing as a child because reading books gave me a lot of knowledge and inspired my imagination.

Sentence is grammatically correct in past tense and needs no change; it properly uses past tense verbs 'enjoyed', 'gave', 'inspired' to describe childhood. Provided here to indicate no correction necessary.

× For example, I loved reading marvels with artistic language, and I often tried to copy that file in short stories and those for fun.

✓ For example, I loved reading marvels with artistic language, and I often tried to copy that style in short stories for fun.

'That file' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'that style'. Remove redundant 'and those'. Keep 'for fun' at end. 'Style' correctly refers to artistic language.

× I've seen some of music since I was a child.

✓ I've liked certain kinds of music since I was a child.

'Seen some of music' is ungrammatical. Use 'liked' with 'since I was a child' to indicate an ongoing preference (present perfect) or 'have liked'. 'Certain kinds of music' or 'some music' is clearer.

× I used to experiment, but as I've grown older I think you choose more energetic music now.

✓ I used to experiment, but as I've grown older I think I choose more energetic music now.

Pronoun 'you' is incorrect; should be 'I' to match speaker. Tense combination 'used to' and present perfect 'I've grown' is fine. Ensure subject matches verb 'choose'.

× I often listen to music after a long day of studying or whenever I'm free because it helps me relax and lose money.

✓ I often listen to music after a long day of studying or whenever I'm free because it helps me relax and lose myself in the music.

'Lose money' is meaningless here; likely intended 'lose myself', meaning become absorbed. Add clarifying phrase 'in the music'. Maintains present tense 'listen' and 'helps'.

× OK, yes, that's hopefully enjoy photographing.

✓ OK, yes, I also enjoy photographing.

Original lacks proper subject and verb structure. 'That's hopefully enjoy' is ungrammatical. Use 'I also enjoy photographing' to state shared hobby. 'Photographing' as gerund is correct here.

× For example on the three day holiday in Beijing, I think more than 500 photos because we lost capturing memories and carries the best issues with each other.

✓ For example, during the three-day holiday in Beijing, I took more than 500 photos because we wanted to capture memories and share the best moments with each other.

Many errors: add preposition 'during', hyphenate 'three-day', use past tense 'took', replace 'think' with 'took', 'lost capturing' is wrong—use 'wanted to capture', and 'carries the best issues' should be 'share the best moments'. Ensure coherent sentence structure.