Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid tense/word form errors and redundancy, and use one linking phrase to add detail. Aim for 3–4 sentences with correct verb forms and smoother connectors.

例: My main hobby is swimming. I usually go to the pool every weekend and swim for one to two hours. As a result, I feel refreshed and relaxed after a busy day, which helps me sleep better.

提案: Reduce hesitation and repetition, use a clear past-tense topic sentence, give specific examples and one reason. Use linking words (for example, because) and finish the sentence coherently.

例: When I was a child, I often played video games with my friends. For example, we played fighting and adventure games as well as simple party games, because we wanted to have fun and socialize.

提案: Use correct tense and grammar (present perfect or present continuous for ongoing hobbies) and avoid filler words. Be specific about how the hobby helped you and link ideas clearly.

例: Yes, I have played video games since elementary school, especially The Sims. Playing that game helped me improve my English by exposing me to new vocabulary and realistic dialogues.

提案: Clarify meaning and grammar: begin with a clear topic sentence about shared hobby, avoid unclear phrases, use specific examples and one linking phrase. Use correct noun forms and pluralization.

例: Yes, my family and I share an interest in food and cooking. We often visit different restaurants to try new dishes, such as Chinese, other Asian, and European cuisines, which is always enjoyable.

× I usually go to swimming pool every weekend.

✓ I usually go to the swimming pool every weekend.

The noun 'swimming pool' requires the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific place that both speaker and listener understand; use 'the swimming pool' rather than omitting the article. Suggestion: Use 'the' before 'swimming pool' when speaking about a particular pool you regularly visit.

× So I enjoyed myself swimming after a busy day and it helped me.

✓ So I enjoy myself when swimming after a busy day, and it helps me.

The context describes a habitual present action, so present simple tense ('enjoy', 'helps') is required rather than past ('enjoyed', 'helped'). Also add 'when' to connect the clauses naturally. Suggestion: Use present simple for regular habits: 'I enjoy myself when swimming... and it helps me.'

× When I was a child, I usually, I usually played video games with my friends.

✓ When I was a child, I usually played video games with my friends.

Redundant repetition 'I usually, I usually' is unnecessary and interrupts flow. The sentence correctly uses past tense 'played' for childhood habits; remove the duplicate phrase. Suggestion: Say 'When I was a child, I usually played video games with my friends.'

× Umm, we played a lot of different type of games, for example, uh, fighting adventure and also just uh, fun, fun games.

✓ We played a lot of different types of games, for example fighting, adventure, and casual games.

The phrase should be 'different types of games' (plural 'types'). Also list items clearly and use appropriate genre labels: 'fighting, adventure, and casual games.' Suggestion: Use plural 'types' and concise genre names: 'different types of games: fighting, adventure, and casual.'

× So to have fun and it was very, very.

✓ We played them to have fun, and it was very enjoyable.

Original sentence fragment lacks clear structure and ends abruptly. Reword to complete the idea: 'We played them to have fun' and describe the experience with an adjective 'enjoyable.' Suggestion: Complete fragments by supplying subject and verb and an appropriate adjective: '...and it was very enjoyable.'

× I played many video games since, uh, my elementary school, uh, especially uh, The Sims because it helped me improved my English by learning new vocabulary, listening, uh, difficult conversations.

✓ I have played many video games since elementary school, especially The Sims, because it has helped me improve my English by learning new vocabulary and listening to difficult conversations.

When an action started in the past and continues to the present, use present perfect ('have played', 'has helped'). Use base verb 'improve' after 'helped/has helped' (not 'improved'). Add 'to' after 'listening' to show the target. Remove unnecessary commas and filler words. Suggestion: Use present perfect for experiences that continue: 'I have played... since elementary school' and 'has helped me improve'.

× I have the same hobby with my mind, uh, I need this cooking and culinary.

✓ I have the same hobby as my mind? -> Likely: I have the same hobbies as my family; I am interested in cooking and culinary arts.

The original is unclear and misuses prepositions: 'same hobby with' should be 'same hobby as'. 'My mind' and 'I need this' are incorrect phrasing; likely intended 'my mum' or 'my family' and 'I like' or 'I am interested in'. Use 'interested in cooking' or 'into cooking' and 'culinary arts.' Suggestion: Clarify the intended subject (family member) and use 'the same hobby as' and 'interested in cooking and culinary arts.'

× So I feel we can, we usually go to different restaurants, try new dish, uh, for example, Asian cuisines, Chinese cuisine and even, uh, European.

✓ So I feel we can usually go to different restaurants and try new dishes, for example Asian cuisines: Chinese and even European.

Use plural 'dishes' when referring to multiple items. 'Cuisines' is plural; 'Chinese cuisine' can be shortened to 'Chinese' in a list. Remove redundant commas and fillers. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for general references: 'try new dishes' and parallel list items like 'Asian cuisines: Chinese and European.'

× So it was very fun.

✓ So it was very fun. -> Better: So it was a lot of fun.

Grammatically 'So it was very fun' is understandable but 'a lot of fun' is more natural in English. If speaking of habitual present, use 'It's a lot of fun.' Suggestion: Prefer 'a lot of fun' or 'very enjoyable' for natural phrasing.