Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and two supporting details. Correct small grammar and word order errors ("by online" → "online", "watching" repeated). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "also" or "in addition"). Aim for specific examples (name a book/genre or a type of educational video).

例: I have several hobbies. For example, I enjoy reading novels, especially contemporary fiction, to improve my vocabulary, and I also watch online educational videos about language learning and science. In addition, I like short creative videos on TikTok for quick entertainment.

提案: Provide a clear past-tense topic sentence and coherent supporting details. Fix tense and sentence fragments (use past simple: "I loved", "We cycled"). Remove redundancy and add linking words ("also", "because"). Give specific examples (types of games or cartoons).

例: Yes, I had several hobbies as a child. I loved playing outside with my friends, especially playing tag and riding bicycles around the neighborhood because it was exciting and healthy. I also watched cartoons on TV in the evenings, such as Tom and Jerry, which helped me relax.

提案: Use consistent tense ("have enjoyed" or "have liked") and avoid repetition. Combine related ideas with linking phrases ("since childhood" and "in addition"). Be specific about what "A" refers to and avoid sentence fragments. Mention frequency or reason briefly.

例: Yes, I have enjoyed watching funny online clips and cartoons on TV since childhood because they made me laugh and relaxed me after school. In addition, I have always liked cycling around my neighborhood to get fresh air and clear my mind.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and then give a clear contrast or similarity with specifics. Fix repetition and grammar ("and and", "in interesting stories"). Use linking words like "however" or "although". Give one or two concrete examples of your cousin's and other family members' hobbies for clarity.

例: No, my family and I generally have different hobbies. However, my cousin and I both enjoy learning new things on TikTok, such as language tips and life hacks, and I also like reading novels and watching longer educational videos, while other family members prefer gardening or cooking.

× Yes, I have several hobbies and I enjoy reading novels to improve my vocabulary and I like learning new things by online and watching educational videos.

✓ Yes, I have several hobbies. I enjoy reading novels to improve my vocabulary, learning new things online, and watching educational videos.

Run-on sentence and incorrect preposition 'by online'. Split into shorter sentences or use commas with conjunctions; use 'online' as an adverb without a preposition. Ensure parallel structure when listing activities.

× I like learning new things by online and watching educational videos.

✓ I like learning new things online and watching educational videos.

'By online' is incorrect. Use 'online' directly as an adverb modifying 'learning'.

× I also watch short videos on TikTok.

✓ I also watch short videos on TikTok.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. (Kept for completeness.)

× Yes, I had several hobbies as a child. I love playing outside with my friends for a long period of time, riding bicycles, I.

✓ Yes, I had several hobbies as a child. I loved playing outside with my friends for long periods of time and riding bicycles.

Mixing past and present tense: 'love' should be past 'loved' to match 'had'. Sentence fragment 'I.' removed and items combined with correct conjunction and plural 'periods of time' for repeated actions.

× We love cycling because it was fun and we like experience.

✓ We loved cycling because it was fun and we liked the experience.

Pronoun/verb tense inconsistency: use past tense 'loved' and 'liked' to match past context; add definite article 'the' before 'experience' to make the noun phrase correct.

× I also watch cartoons on televisions in the evenings, which.

✓ I also watched cartoons on television in the evenings.

Tense should be past 'watched' to match childhood context. 'Televisions' should be singular 'television' when referring to the medium. The trailing 'which' is a fragment and removed.

× Yes, since I was a child I enjoy watching funny videos on A and cartoon on TV.

✓ Yes, since I was a child I have enjoyed watching funny videos on [A] and cartoons on TV.

When an action started in the past and continues, use present perfect 'have enjoyed'. Also make 'cartoon' plural 'cartoons' and ensure proper parallel structure. Replace placeholder 'A' with the correct source name if needed.

× They made me laugh and helped me relax after school.

✓ They made me laugh and helped me relax after school.

This sentence is correct in past tense for childhood activities; no change needed. (Kept for completeness.)

× And I love cycling around my neighbors to feel fresh air. Feel fresh air.

✓ And I love cycling around my neighborhood to feel the fresh air.

If referring to a current hobby, present tense 'love' is fine. 'Neighbors' is incorrect here; use 'neighborhood'. Combine fragments and add definite article 'the' before 'fresh air' for natural English.

× Do you have the same hobbies as your family members?

✓ Do you have the same hobbies as your family members?

This question is already correct; no change needed. (Kept for completeness.)

× No, my family and I don't share the same hobbies.

✓ No, my family and I don't share the same hobbies.

This sentence is grammatically correct in present tense; no change needed. (Kept for completeness.)

× Somehow my cousin and I enjoy learning new things on Tiktok, scrolling and reading novels and watching educational videos because we like discovering useful tips and and in interesting stories.

✓ My cousin and I enjoy learning new things on TikTok, scrolling, reading novels, and watching educational videos because we like discovering useful tips and interesting stories.

Remove 'Somehow' which is unnecessary, correct 'Tiktok' capitalization to 'TikTok', fix double 'and and', ensure parallel structure in the list with commas, and remove extraneous 'in'. This corrects pronoun usage and improves sentence clarity.