Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and add a clear topic sentence. Use one or two specific supporting details and link them logically. Avoid slight grammar issues and redundancy.

例: Yes, I often walk in my neighborhood to feel refreshed. For example, I usually take a 30-minute walk each morning through Tokyo streets, where I stop by interesting local shops and small parks to enjoy the atmosphere.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and tighten phrasing. Include one specific memory or detail to make your answer more vivid and use linking words for coherence.

例: Yes, I did. I grew up in a rural area, so my father and brother often took me to a nearby park to play; for example, we used to feed ducks by the pond every weekend.

提案: Give a clear general statement then two concise, linked reasons with specific wording. Avoid phrases like 'it depends' that weaken your answer unless you expand on them.

例: Generally, people walk in parks to relax and stay healthy. For instance, many enjoy the fresh air and scenery to reduce stress, while pet owners walk there to exercise their dogs.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and remove filler phrases like 'you know'. Be specific about a location and describe sensory details with correct grammar and word choice.

例: I would love to take a long walk in the countryside, such as a rural trail in Hokkaido, enjoying the fresh air, wide fields, and the sound of birdsong throughout the day.

提案: Respond directly and concisely, then add one specific detail about when or what you did. Avoid repeating similar ideas and streamline sentence structure.

例: Lately I walked around my neighborhood and visited a nearby coffee shop. I usually stop there each morning for a cup of coffee and sometimes try a new pastry from the local bakery.

× I usually walk when I want to feel refreshed. Also, I live in Tokyo so there are a wide range of unique shops around there.

✓ I usually walk when I want to feel refreshed. Also, I live in Tokyo so there is a wide range of unique shops around here.

The phrase 'a wide range' is singular and requires the singular existential 'there is' rather than 'there are'. Additionally, 'around there' is less natural than 'around here' when speaking about places near the speaker. Suggestion: use 'there is a wide range' for correct subject-verb agreement and 'around here' for natural reference to nearby places.

× I lived in a relatively rural area when I was a child, so my brother and my father usually took me to the nearby parks or casual restaurants where I wanted to go.

✓ I lived in a relatively rural area when I was a child, so my brother and my father usually took me to nearby parks or casual restaurants I wanted to go to.

The clause 'where I wanted to go' is acceptable but word order is awkward. Using the pronoun 'where' with 'went' is unnecessary here; 'restaurants I wanted to go to' is more natural. Also 'the nearby parks' suggests specific parks; dropping 'the' makes it general. Suggestion: simplify relative clauses and adjust articles for natural phrasing.

× In general, people like to go for a walk to be refreshed and maintain their physical health. On the other hand, the person who has a pet has to take a pet for a walk.

✓ In general, people like to go for a walk to feel refreshed and maintain their physical health. On the other hand, people who have pets have to take them for a walk.

Using 'the person who has a pet' is awkward and too specific; 'people who have pets' matches the general statement. Also use 'have to take them' to refer back to 'pets' with the correct plural pronoun. Suggestion: keep number agreement between noun and pronoun and use more natural plural forms for general statements.

× I would like to take a long walk, you know, if you're really countryside. I like being surrounded by vast nature, feeling fresh air and beautiful natures.

✓ I would like to take a long walk in the countryside. I like being surrounded by vast natural areas, breathing fresh air and enjoying beautiful scenery.

The original contains incorrect pronoun usage ('you're really countryside'), incorrect noun forms ('vast nature', 'beautiful natures') and awkward structure. 'In the countryside' is the correct prepositional phrase. 'Vast natural areas' and 'beautiful scenery' are natural collocations; use 'breathing' instead of 'feeling' for air. Suggestion: use correct prepositions, uncountable nouns for 'nature' and appropriate verbs for senses.

× Well, I went around my neighborhood. There are lots of unique restaurants and coffee shops nearby, so I really like to go to coffee shops and to have a cup of coffee every morning.

✓ Well, I went around my neighborhood. There are lots of unique restaurants and coffee shops nearby, so I really like going to coffee shops and having a cup of coffee every morning.

'I really like to go to coffee shops and to have a cup' is grammatical but repetitive; gerund forms ('going' and 'having') are more natural for habitual actions. No article errors remain after rephrasing, but the sentence is improved by parallel gerunds. Suggestion: use parallel gerunds for habitual preferences to sound natural.